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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU in expecting MIL to pay for my ceiling repairs

200 replies

Justnonono · 03/06/2018 01:31

I am currently sat downstairs with a large glass of wine and DH is still on the phone to MIL.

Me and DH went out tonight for the first time in a while and MIL offered to sit our 4yo DD. MIL is usually easy to get on with but has a habit of overstepping boundaries occasionally, she has left me a few times feeling that my privacy has been invaded.

Me and DH have a spare room that has a desk, storage and a pole in. Fitness, dance or stripper pole whatever you want to call it. I've used it since having DD. The door is always locked but has a key in the lock that we leave in there. The room has a lot of personal papers of mine, old pictures, journals that sort of thing.

So we left for dinner, we were out until 10, got home everything all good and DD is fast asleep upstairs. MIL keeps us chatting for an hour, said she hoped we had a good night and reassured us everything was fine. DH drops her off as he hasn't had a drink.

I go to get changed, everything seems okay and then I go to get my iPad from the spare room. The pole has come away from the ceiling hit my wall and knocked my art off the wall as well as that there's a huge hole in the plaster in the ceiling. Think football sized.

I ring DH and he is already on his way home and equally as shocked as me, I asked him to ask MIL. DH gets home and texts his mum asking if she's still awake, she is and he asks if he can give her a quick call. She denied even going in the room, she said she didn't know I even kept a pole in there, which is a complete lie as she knows I've been doing it for a few years. Obviously I'm getting quite pissed off at this point because I know a pole, held up the way it is cannot just fall down in that way causing a huge hole in the ceiling.

DH has seen the damage and basically tells her straight that he knows she's been in the room because glass from the artwork has been cleaned up!! She completely backtracked said that she had been in but only briefly so she wasn't lyingHmm and that she bumped into it, tried to put it back up.

I'm sorry but I just don't believe her, she has no explanation as to why she went in there. I really think she has been on it and it's come away as she exceeds the weight limit. DH said the hole is where she's tried to force it back up without knowing what do properly.

I'm fuming, I feel like she's invaded my privacy, she's probably gone in to snoop as she has done with my things before and she's refusing to even pay for the damage she's caused or even apologise. AIBU??
Surely this story she has come out with doesn't make any sense, FIL is siding with her and has said it's an accident.

OP posts:
AStatelyPleasureDome · 03/06/2018 10:14

This is the funniest thread I have read in ages, and I nominate it for Classics.

SofieMonde · 03/06/2018 10:18

show her this thread...she won't do it again

BlueEyedBengal · 03/06/2018 10:19

HmmHmmHmmShockShockShockShockConfusedConfusedConfusedHmm

He11y · 03/06/2018 10:22

Can you imagine her horror when it happened? She’s gone into a room she knows she shouldn’t really be in, decided to wrap herself around the fitness pole and it’s broken away! Not only that, it’s taken a picture with it!

She must have wanted the floor to swallow her whole! In her panic she’s decided to play dumb but it was never really going to work out for her was it and she’s dug an even bigger hole for herself!

I’d laugh at the thought of her horror and let it go, but take the key next time. She’s learnt her lesson the hard way! I’d have taken the key anyway if I suspected there’s a snooper in the house, but you’ll know for next time.

UserV · 03/06/2018 10:24

PMSL! Grin

Failingat40 · 03/06/2018 10:34

Wow, this is sooo bad of her!!

The sneaking round your house, denying being in there!?

The lies, then the defensive attack on you and the stubbornness not to own up and take any responsibility would be make me instantly dislike her as a person and I'm afraid I'd now be unable to ever be in her company or allow her accept my child/home again.

How disgustingly disrespectful, rude and dishonest of her.

Jaxhog · 03/06/2018 10:35

It seems extraordinary to me that she didn't admit it immediately and offer to pay. That is what any reasonable person would do. I suspect if she'd done this, you'd be annoyed but would have waved her offer. There was no way that you wouldn't find out and not know it was her!

I think your DH needs to have a word with both his parents about this. Her actions are totally unacceptable for grownup woman. She has to take responsibility for her actions at the very least. And give you an apology for them.

Finally, I suggest that leaving a key in the lock is a bit of a temptation. Lock the door and remove the key in future!

pinkgirl1234 · 03/06/2018 10:37

So much MIL hate on MN!

What is the weight limit on these poles? Surely it must be pretty high?

I don't believe a word of this anyway.

GahWhatever · 03/06/2018 10:38

She has gone where she didn't need to be and broken something she didn't need to touch. I would be cross too. I probably wouldn't ask her to babysit again or leave her unattended in my home again but I wouldn't expect her to pay for the damage.
On the bright side: you didn't come home to find her seriously injured in the spare room. A hole in the plaster and broken glass on a picture is a much better scenario than having to call an ambulance.....

NotTerfNorCis · 03/06/2018 10:41

That must be really embarrassing for her! She shouldn't have lied about it though. It sounds like she couldn't face up to what she'd done and she dug herself a hole. Since then she'd just kept on digging.

callmeadoctor · 03/06/2018 10:41

Ha Ha, funny story though Grin

MNHQ
EstherMumsnet · 04/06/2018 09:50

We've had a few reports about this thread but we have been in touch with the OP who assures us this is all true so we're leaving it up for now.

PleasingMe · 04/06/2018 10:00

I agree with the cctv idea. Tell her you have her on film. Wink

QuackPorridgeBacon · 04/06/2018 10:04

Whyarealltheusernamestaken Was I there? I did read what the op said though.

Original poster
Justnonono · 04/06/2018 10:08

I was unable to give an update yesterday as we had a lot to sort with the house and then unfortunately the thread was pulled.

We didn't to go for Sunday dinner at ILs yesterday as we found the things she said to DH on the phone call hurtful and DH isn't happy that she hasn't apologised for what's happened. She has since sent me texts to say I'm keeping DH and DD away from her. She said that the family was asking why we didn't attend, she didn't know what to say and that she wasted money on food for us even though we had informed he we wouldn't be coming.

Although I'm annoyed about the damage I've calmed down since it happened, it was just gutting to see my ceiling caved open and artwork that was precious to me smashed on the floor. I'm just really disappointed she lied to us more than anything, she knew when she was talking to us that the damage was upstairs yet didn't say a thing and was all smiles.

We're going to get someone out to do the repair rather than go through the insurance.

I don't know if she has snooped through anything, as I said she has done this previously however there's nothing to suggest she has done this time, she still hasn't answered why she was in the room. I've left it to DH to speak to her as I think she is blaming me.

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 04/06/2018 10:16

Let her be upset over a few quid. I’d point out that you have lost a lot more money having to pay for her fuck up. Leave her to her self pity. She sounds awful.

PurpleStarInCashmereSky · 04/06/2018 10:20

She is being manipulative. Ignore her.

findingmyfeet12 · 04/06/2018 10:22

I wouldn't expect my own dm to pay for something she'd damaged accidentally in my house so I wouldn't expect mil to pay either.

Her not saying anything is annoying and weird though.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 04/06/2018 10:26

findingmyfeet12 She shouldn’t have been in the room, she shouldn’t have gone on the pole. Accident or not she then lied about it. I’d expect her to pay. Whether she does or not is a different story though.

findingmyfeet12 · 04/06/2018 10:28

I know the facts and I wouldn't expect my dm to pay in the same circumstances. Op asked for our opinions and that's mine.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 04/06/2018 10:31

And I gave mine... I don’t think people who snoop and go where they aren’t wanted and then lie about such things, should be allowed to think thats ok. She talked for a while with the op knowing about the mess upstairs, who fucking does that?

findingmyfeet12 · 04/06/2018 10:33

I'm not questioning anyone else's opinion.

I don't think there's a right or wrong in terms of reaction. A lot depends on relationships and family dynamics.

findingmyfeet12 · 04/06/2018 10:35

I think we're probably more forgiving of people we like.

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/06/2018 10:36

I’d ask her if she was quite in her right mind complaining about money for a bit of food with how much she’s cost you in damage?!

QuackPorridgeBacon · 04/06/2018 10:42

I’d have forgiven if it was admitted to. Own up and I’ll be pissed but won’t hold a grudge. Lie and hen make out it wasn’t you and you didn’t do anything wrong etc then I’ll think you’re a twat and forgiveness will not happen.