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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in expecting MIL to pay for my ceiling repairs

200 replies

Justnonono · 03/06/2018 01:31

I am currently sat downstairs with a large glass of wine and DH is still on the phone to MIL.

Me and DH went out tonight for the first time in a while and MIL offered to sit our 4yo DD. MIL is usually easy to get on with but has a habit of overstepping boundaries occasionally, she has left me a few times feeling that my privacy has been invaded.

Me and DH have a spare room that has a desk, storage and a pole in. Fitness, dance or stripper pole whatever you want to call it. I've used it since having DD. The door is always locked but has a key in the lock that we leave in there. The room has a lot of personal papers of mine, old pictures, journals that sort of thing.

So we left for dinner, we were out until 10, got home everything all good and DD is fast asleep upstairs. MIL keeps us chatting for an hour, said she hoped we had a good night and reassured us everything was fine. DH drops her off as he hasn't had a drink.

I go to get changed, everything seems okay and then I go to get my iPad from the spare room. The pole has come away from the ceiling hit my wall and knocked my art off the wall as well as that there's a huge hole in the plaster in the ceiling. Think football sized.

I ring DH and he is already on his way home and equally as shocked as me, I asked him to ask MIL. DH gets home and texts his mum asking if she's still awake, she is and he asks if he can give her a quick call. She denied even going in the room, she said she didn't know I even kept a pole in there, which is a complete lie as she knows I've been doing it for a few years. Obviously I'm getting quite pissed off at this point because I know a pole, held up the way it is cannot just fall down in that way causing a huge hole in the ceiling.

DH has seen the damage and basically tells her straight that he knows she's been in the room because glass from the artwork has been cleaned up!! She completely backtracked said that she had been in but only briefly so she wasn't lying and that she bumped into it, tried to put it back up.

I'm sorry but I just don't believe her, she has no explanation as to why she went in there. I really think she has been on it and it's come away as she exceeds the weight limit. DH said the hole is where she's tried to force it back up without knowing what do properly.

I'm fuming, I feel like she's invaded my privacy, she's probably gone in to snoop as she has done with my things before and she's refusing to even pay for the damage she's caused or even apologise. AIBU??
Surely this story she has come out with doesn't make any sense, FIL is siding with her and has said it's an accident.

OP posts:

mimibunz · 03/06/2018 09:32

Sorry but I’m finding this quite funny. It’s comedy skit gold. Too bad she’s not enlightened enough to own it and apologise.

readyforapummelling · 03/06/2018 09:34

In the unlikely event that I was fit enough to have a pole in my house and my MIL decided to have an unsolicited spin resulting in said pole falling down I think as PP said I would claim on the house insurance and move on.

I would drop the damage issue and have the difficult conversation with her about respecting your privacy. Whether she babysits for free or not doesn't give her the right to go rooting through your things. I'm sure if the tables were turned and you helped yourself to her bedroom etc she would be mightily pissed off.

For the sake of family relations I would try and be as diplomatic as possible, some things are worth falling out over big time - this is not one of them. Life is too short for bullshit. Good luck!

MissVanjie · 03/06/2018 09:37

Today in ‘things that never happened’

lamerde · 03/06/2018 09:37

Sorry OP but this has given me the giggles

PortiaCastis · 03/06/2018 09:39

obese pole dancing MIL oh jeez you couldn't make it up

MarthasGinYard · 03/06/2018 09:39

I also do think it's funny, sorry.

Also think those poles only belong in a room of purpose, where they are the proper solid professional ones which can't move.

Something funny about one screwed into a spare room in some semi where if you don't catch your leg a kimbo in time you send a picture sorry, flying from a wall .

honeybeeq · 03/06/2018 09:40

Omg is it just me who has visions of the mil starting to caress the pole like dancers do, head back hair everywhere, fierce pose.. thinks fucks it I'm doing it, launches her legs over kicks the photos off the wall, pole falls out of the ceiling.. plaster dust in hair hair, she smooths her hair, assesses damage cleans up glass. Walks out locks the door again never happened 😂

MarthasGinYard · 03/06/2018 09:42

Honey

Yes

That's exactly what I was thinking

It's almost like ....the land of make believe

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/06/2018 09:44

I can only assume the people excusing an adult snooping like this, damaging property and then lying about it behave the same in other people’s homes

She’s clearly behaved ridiculously and it’s good your husband is tackling her on it.

Interesting how many people have also said it’s onlt between DH and MIL and not the OP. One can imagine that if a woman posted that her DM had trashed a room the get DH used everyone would be up in arms insisting the DM sorted it immediately.

pinkgirl1234 · 03/06/2018 09:46

"I'm so sorry, I snuck in to have look at your pole and I've broken it."

😂😂😂

AllMYSmellySocks · 03/06/2018 09:48

It's definitely annoying but I'd claim on the house insurance and move on. Getting her to pay for the damage won't take back the invasion of privacy. I can't quite get my head around how she though she'd get away with the lying. I would just take it as a lesson learned - she's not trustworthy enough to be left alone in your house.

Blatherskite · 03/06/2018 09:52

Free babysitting doesn't give someone carte blanche to snoop! It's a nice thing to do but it doesn't absolve you of common decency in every other area!

AllMYSmellySocks · 03/06/2018 09:53

Also agree with others that it's a bloody funny story!

tempester28 · 03/06/2018 09:54

To be honest if it was me I wouldn't embarrass her. However I would struggle to get the vision of her trying to pole dance and bringing the ceiling down. - I would probably try and see the funny side

eddielizzard · 03/06/2018 09:56

ouch she must be mortified! caught snooping and too heavy to pole dance. double blow to the ego.

personally while i'd be absolutely fucking mad i'd not say another word to her. just never leave her alone in your house again.

BlueJava · 03/06/2018 09:57

Personally I wouldn't get her to pay because I wouldn't want her to be sanctimonious about "I was babysitting and they made me pay" but she'd never be alone in my house again or look after my children.

fluffyrobin · 03/06/2018 09:58

I wonder which pose did the catastrophic damage?

Is she walking funny/twinge in her back?

Lucky she didn't land on her head.

Would not have been good to return to find her knocked out, nude or in your bikini with legs akimbo.

Hopefully her audience of male friends made their getaway discreetly (or possibly helped her clear up)

BarbarianMum · 03/06/2018 09:58

I think its funny and I would in real life too. Bet she's been desperate for a go for ages.
Wouldn't dream of expecting her to pay.

SofieMonde · 03/06/2018 09:59

am gettings visions of eddie and patsy in jane fonda workout gear breaking the pole and trying to hide the damage lol

ScrubTheDecks · 03/06/2018 10:03

“obese pole dancing MIL oh jeez you couldn't make it up”

Oh, you could make it up all too easily. What’s not to like? A good laugh at larger women, older women, MILs, oooh er porno pole dancing, it’s like DM Bingo.

Notevilstepmother · 03/06/2018 10:05

I would so get her a Pole Dancing voucher for her birthday, that is inspired.

Totally. Don’t let her in the house again without supervision. Sounds like the 4 yo might be the more responsible of the pair!

I hope you can see the funny side in time. I suggest waiting a few days for things to calm and then your DH should speak to his dad about it may have been an accident, it she should have owned up, and not gone in a locked room. I suspect his dad will be a little more reasonable on his own.

HotSauceCommittee · 03/06/2018 10:06

It’s the dishonesty that’s the real issue here. Snooping and then really lying her arse off. Those are the bits I wouldn’t like; the damage wouldn’t matter if it had been caused in an area open to the family and she’d told you about it and apologised straight away. I could let it drop and just pay myself in that situation.
It’s the “don’t you dare question or accuse me” attitude that I couldn’t tolerate.
Integrity, OP, your MIL doesn’t have it.

Pringlecat · 03/06/2018 10:08

If you knew she had form for snooping, why would you leave the key in the door? You should have hidden it!

Clearly it's her fault but she's never going to 1) admit it or 2) pay for it, so I would pay for it myself and just never have her over to the house again unsupervised. It does mean you'll have to pay for babysitters etc going forward, but you won't spend the evening out wondering what your MIL is going to go through. Do still invite her to spend time with DD but don't let that time be in your house without your or DH present. If you're subtle about it, she may not even realise you've drawn a line to prevent her from future snooping.

liminality · 03/06/2018 10:10

But I’d be a cunt and refuse to see or speak to her again, I’d go as far as stopping her from seeing your child unless she pays.
Woah. That certainly is cunty!

OP, this is a tricky one to handle. On one hand, you want this to be the last transgression. But you also don't want to completely sever the relationship. It is your DH's mum after all! I hope you can sort it out, but I'm sure you can find a better path than the suggestion above!

Kualabear · 03/06/2018 10:11

Install a bondage dungeon in the study, when she next babysits her face will be a picture.

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