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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU in expecting MIL to pay for my ceiling repairs

200 replies

Justnonono · 03/06/2018 01:31

I am currently sat downstairs with a large glass of wine and DH is still on the phone to MIL.

Me and DH went out tonight for the first time in a while and MIL offered to sit our 4yo DD. MIL is usually easy to get on with but has a habit of overstepping boundaries occasionally, she has left me a few times feeling that my privacy has been invaded.

Me and DH have a spare room that has a desk, storage and a pole in. Fitness, dance or stripper pole whatever you want to call it. I've used it since having DD. The door is always locked but has a key in the lock that we leave in there. The room has a lot of personal papers of mine, old pictures, journals that sort of thing.

So we left for dinner, we were out until 10, got home everything all good and DD is fast asleep upstairs. MIL keeps us chatting for an hour, said she hoped we had a good night and reassured us everything was fine. DH drops her off as he hasn't had a drink.

I go to get changed, everything seems okay and then I go to get my iPad from the spare room. The pole has come away from the ceiling hit my wall and knocked my art off the wall as well as that there's a huge hole in the plaster in the ceiling. Think football sized.

I ring DH and he is already on his way home and equally as shocked as me, I asked him to ask MIL. DH gets home and texts his mum asking if she's still awake, she is and he asks if he can give her a quick call. She denied even going in the room, she said she didn't know I even kept a pole in there, which is a complete lie as she knows I've been doing it for a few years. Obviously I'm getting quite pissed off at this point because I know a pole, held up the way it is cannot just fall down in that way causing a huge hole in the ceiling.

DH has seen the damage and basically tells her straight that he knows she's been in the room because glass from the artwork has been cleaned up!! She completely backtracked said that she had been in but only briefly so she wasn't lyingHmm and that she bumped into it, tried to put it back up.

I'm sorry but I just don't believe her, she has no explanation as to why she went in there. I really think she has been on it and it's come away as she exceeds the weight limit. DH said the hole is where she's tried to force it back up without knowing what do properly.

I'm fuming, I feel like she's invaded my privacy, she's probably gone in to snoop as she has done with my things before and she's refusing to even pay for the damage she's caused or even apologise. AIBU??
Surely this story she has come out with doesn't make any sense, FIL is siding with her and has said it's an accident.

OP posts:
derxa · 03/06/2018 08:51

Take away the key.

MsHomeSlice · 03/06/2018 08:51

I would so get her a Pole Dancing voucher for her birthday, that is inspired.

I would also never leave her alone in my house again and as soon as she did visit I would send dh upstairs to " get that key for the spare room door, I need to keep it SAFE" making sure to look her right in the eye while I said it.

IHaveAnOutie · 03/06/2018 08:56

She shouldn't have been in there, that's annoying, along with the lying, I'm not surprised you're cross. BUT even if she's over weight, how did she make it come down? Is she taller than your husband then? Unless she barged in it, I can't imagine her having a quick grab and lift (like any novice would do on a pole) could make it fall down like that. It all seems very odd!

Ceecee18 · 03/06/2018 08:58

I would be fuming at this, not so much that she broke it, accidents happen. Although she shouldn't have gone in there in the first place. But I'd be so annoyed that she didn't mention it before leaving the house! That's not okay, if you break someone else's property you tell them, not try and lie your way out of it. And how stupid is she to think you would believe that it'd just happened?

I wouldn't make her pay for it, but I'd never ask her to babysit, or leave her alone in my house again.

bonnyshide · 03/06/2018 09:00

I think you've just lost your babysitter.

Do you think MIL was having a little 'go' on the pole when it broke?

BettyBaggins · 03/06/2018 09:00

"Am the only person picturing this as a Beryl Cook style postcard scenario?" You are not alone!

This is brilliant, you will tell this story for years! I would feel abit sorry for MIL if it was just the pole and no snooping. If she is overweight maybe she would like some support to exercise?

Chortle, chortle, chortle Grin

ReturnofSaturn · 03/06/2018 09:03

Haha sorry but the mental image of your MIL having a sneaky swing on your pole is Grin

ScrubTheDecks · 03/06/2018 09:05

Ooh, a pole dancing MIL!

Excellent!

Ceecee18 · 03/06/2018 09:06

I wouldn't ask her to pay for it simply because I would want as little as possible to do with her after this. If she had just broke it and fessed up as soon as you got home then I'd have forgiven it, because even though she shouldn't have been in the room it was an accident.

But not telling you, not telling her son as he drove her home and then lying about it weren't accidents. Embarrassed or not, she knew you would find out. And that's just shitty behaviour.

fluffyrobin · 03/06/2018 09:09

OMG the DM are going to get hold of this and her mortification will be complete.

Absolutely hilarious. Stripper Grandmother Flees Scene after Trashing House Pole Dancing.

Grin

Try and help her regain her dignity if you want further free childcare though.

lanbury · 03/06/2018 09:10

Trouble is with these type of things, making family members cough up money can often lead to an irreparable relationship. So guess you need to weigh up the damage to the ceiling with damage to the relationship with MIL. She should have come clean and not lied about it, but presumably mortified that she thought she'd have a cheeky little swing and half the house falls down! It's the type of scene comedy sketches are made from!

lalalalee · 03/06/2018 09:12

An obese, snooping, interfering, dishonest poledancing middleaged MIL. Poor op.
Sad

ItsNachoCheese · 03/06/2018 09:12

Door was locked for a reason. She went snooping and broke the ops property of course she should pay

SandyY2K · 03/06/2018 09:12

This is one of those things you let your DH deal with. It's his mum.

There's no excuse for her to go through your phone though. Don't you have a code on it?

happypoobum · 03/06/2018 09:14

Not everyone has accidental damage insurance.....even if OP has this, I am not sure it would pay out if the truth were told about someone using the equipment incorrectly (over weight restriction)

That aside, MIL has seriously crossed boundaries, on this and previous occasions. Why were you still allowing her into your home?

No more babysitting. Heavy penalties for future boundary crossing.

Frenchiemamax · 03/06/2018 09:16

Yes it is a locked room when the door is LOCKED! Even if the key is in the door, the fact it’s locked surely means ‘please don’t come in here’!

Can’t believe the amount of people saying ‘not worth falling out over’, erm try coming home to your ceiling falling down and your possessions damaged in a room you left locked and then see if you still think it’s not worth falling out over.

OP she should 10000% pay to have it fixed and she’s also a CF

MrsMollyMooMoo · 03/06/2018 09:17

I'd laugh it off tbh but that's just me

Knittedfairies · 03/06/2018 09:17

There was no good reason for her to be in that room, pole or not. The fact that she lied about it is to me more egregious than anything, and the thought that it was possibly not the first time she been in an obviously private space.

Happypuppy · 03/06/2018 09:21

An obese pole dancing MIL? I’m 😂😂😂

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/06/2018 09:22

I wouldn't be so mad if she would have just told me, it's because I just feel like I can't trust her anymore.

You already knew that; you've said she's got prior for this...

She shouldn't have done it; you all know that. She's broken it somehow and realistically; she should pay for repairs, but if it's left a big hole in the ceiling, it's probably going to be building insurance.

Then you've got two choices - properly secure the things you don't want her to see when she's round; or don't have her round, especially unsupervised. Nothing has changed there; you already knew she was the type to snoop when you left the key in the lock.

MarthasGinYard · 03/06/2018 09:25

Don't leave her to babysit again as you know she will mooch.

Lethaldrizzle · 03/06/2018 09:27

Annoying but don't ask for money. Just laugh it off and move on

SofieMonde · 03/06/2018 09:28

"Pole dancing grandmother breaks the mould" i can see the headlinr now

invite her to some HIIT classes....

silkpyjamasallday · 03/06/2018 09:28

Well, at least you’ve got a great entertaining story for dinner parties now! Grin

snewname · 03/06/2018 09:31

How much did you pay her for babysitting? Because you could just take it from that? Or does she babysit for free because that is what families do? Maybe you need to realise how fucking lucky you are, the amount I spent on babysitters, as I had no family, far exceeds the cost of a new pole...and a new ceiling... and a new picture frame times about a thousand. I hope that helps you put it all into perspective.

That's so not the point.

I'd suck the cost of repair up but my relationship with her would be irreparably damaged. I'd be polite and civil for dh's sake if I had to, but I would never trust her, never want to see her more than the minimum for dh, and would never ask her to babysit again or leave her alone in the house. It's not the damage, it's the lying and attitude afterwards that is the problem. If she'd admitted she had a go and apologised, it would be fairly amusing. It goes beyond this and money.

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