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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU in expecting MIL to pay for my ceiling repairs

200 replies

Justnonono · 03/06/2018 01:31

I am currently sat downstairs with a large glass of wine and DH is still on the phone to MIL.

Me and DH went out tonight for the first time in a while and MIL offered to sit our 4yo DD. MIL is usually easy to get on with but has a habit of overstepping boundaries occasionally, she has left me a few times feeling that my privacy has been invaded.

Me and DH have a spare room that has a desk, storage and a pole in. Fitness, dance or stripper pole whatever you want to call it. I've used it since having DD. The door is always locked but has a key in the lock that we leave in there. The room has a lot of personal papers of mine, old pictures, journals that sort of thing.

So we left for dinner, we were out until 10, got home everything all good and DD is fast asleep upstairs. MIL keeps us chatting for an hour, said she hoped we had a good night and reassured us everything was fine. DH drops her off as he hasn't had a drink.

I go to get changed, everything seems okay and then I go to get my iPad from the spare room. The pole has come away from the ceiling hit my wall and knocked my art off the wall as well as that there's a huge hole in the plaster in the ceiling. Think football sized.

I ring DH and he is already on his way home and equally as shocked as me, I asked him to ask MIL. DH gets home and texts his mum asking if she's still awake, she is and he asks if he can give her a quick call. She denied even going in the room, she said she didn't know I even kept a pole in there, which is a complete lie as she knows I've been doing it for a few years. Obviously I'm getting quite pissed off at this point because I know a pole, held up the way it is cannot just fall down in that way causing a huge hole in the ceiling.

DH has seen the damage and basically tells her straight that he knows she's been in the room because glass from the artwork has been cleaned up!! She completely backtracked said that she had been in but only briefly so she wasn't lyingHmm and that she bumped into it, tried to put it back up.

I'm sorry but I just don't believe her, she has no explanation as to why she went in there. I really think she has been on it and it's come away as she exceeds the weight limit. DH said the hole is where she's tried to force it back up without knowing what do properly.

I'm fuming, I feel like she's invaded my privacy, she's probably gone in to snoop as she has done with my things before and she's refusing to even pay for the damage she's caused or even apologise. AIBU??
Surely this story she has come out with doesn't make any sense, FIL is siding with her and has said it's an accident.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/06/2018 02:49

She's a snoop. She's a terrible liar. She has completely invaded your privacy and broken your trust, and not for the first time.

She should pay but she won't, so I advise you get over it and fix it yourself. Moving forward, don't allow her to be unattended in your home again, but you probably already know this.

Rainbunny · 03/06/2018 02:50

Well her behaviour in pretending nothing happened isn't very adult but honestly, it really sounds like she tried to have a go on it and it all went "tit's up" so to speak Grin

Home insurance should cover it, I'm sure she is mortified and yes you are right to be annoyed that she won't own up to it but I would consider the big picture and whether it's worth hounding her about it or just making adjustments to your dealings with her - she did babysit afterall. Perhaps be clear in future that you don't want your rooms interfered with - your DH should deliver that message.

beetfarmer · 03/06/2018 02:52

You can't force her to pay for it, though she should. You can never allow her in your home without you there again though, which means no more babysitting.

Ceebs85 · 03/06/2018 02:58

Oh My God I can't believe an adult would do this! A child...fair enough they might legitimately think they could lie and get away with it but that takes the absolute biscuit.

She doesn't even sound like she's embarrassed which is the thing which gets me the most. I'd be absolutely mortified.

Of course she should pay for it but its obvious she's not going to. You might have to suck it up and pay/claim on the insurance but make sure next time she's round the door is locked and you take the key with you!

Dolphinswimmingupsidedown · 03/06/2018 03:01

Weird, weird behaviour. And she had the temerity to not even mention it?!

junebirthdaygirl · 03/06/2018 03:02

I think she has paid a price alreadyin being mortified and uncovered. Just show her a bit of mercy. She doesn't deserve it but she is your mil and it could make stuff very awkward going forward to make a big fuss now. I feel embarrassed for her and would want to save her further uncomfortable feelings. Actually if this was me l would probable , as the mil, pull away as l would be dying with emvarrassment .

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 03/06/2018 03:05

The pole can’t have been so secure, what could she have done to make it break away???

QuackPorridgeBacon · 03/06/2018 03:09

I’d be asking her to pay. I don’t know how to enforce that seeing as she is refusing. But I’d be a cunt and refuse to see or speak to her again, I’d go as far as stopping her from seeing your child unless she pays. The lying is ridiculous. Doesn't matter how embarrassed she is, she deserves to feel ashamed, she shouldn’t have been in there. What a twat she is.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 03/06/2018 03:11

Whyarealltheusernamestaken It has a weight limit.

HappenedForAReisling · 03/06/2018 03:13

Am the only person picturing this as a Beryl Cook style postcard scenario?

DianaT1969 · 03/06/2018 03:21

Not worth falling out over.

MilkAndCookies1 · 03/06/2018 03:30

What pole is it?? are you in England? Nearly all the poles here are xpole and screwless. I’ve had many poles done between the floor and ceiling and never had one down. She must have been really going for it!

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 03/06/2018 03:31

Is she obese? Did I miss this @QuackPorridgeBacon. So much so she would make a place unsafe? Does she carry a warning for crossing bridges?

Copperbonnet · 03/06/2018 03:57

If she has snooped before why on earth was the key left in the lock?

The consequence is that she doesn’t babysit again. I would also quietlyhave the study locked at any time she’s in the house.

Personally I wouldn’t insist on her paying for the repair (although I’d expect her to offer).

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/06/2018 04:11

I agree with you that she should pay for it - different story if she'd been up front and acknowledged what she'd done, even apologised (!) for it - but she didn't, she lied and lied and then lied some more.

So yes, she should pay for it.

Imchlibob · 03/06/2018 05:39

I don't think you can force her to pay for it without destroying your relationship. It's not worth it.

Don't trust her alone in your house or with your dc again though. She is clearly just not trustworthy.

Urbanbeetler · 03/06/2018 05:47

Take it out of her babysitting fee.

Candyflip · 03/06/2018 05:47

How much did you pay her for babysitting? Because you could just take it from that? Or does she babysit for free because that is what families do? Maybe you need to realise how fucking lucky you are, the amount I spent on babysitters, as I had no family, far exceeds the cost of a new pole...and a new ceiling... and a new picture frame times about a thousand. I hope that helps you put it all into perspective.

CluelessMummy · 03/06/2018 05:49

She's obviously digging her heels in because she's been caught red-handed and is understandably mortified.

The bad news is that for the sake of family harmony, you're probably going to have to suck this up.

The good news is that you'll now have the moral high ground over her and it's very unlikely she'll want to overstep the mark with you or go snooping again any time soon (but just in case, hide the key!)

Roystonv · 03/06/2018 05:58

Very peculiar response from her. If I had been in someone else's house and damaged anything the first thing to do at the first opportunity is profuse apologies and offer to pay. It is the hiding of the incident rather than the actual damage that is the problem here. Hopefully it will dawn on her how unacceptable her behaviour was and she will be on the phone first thing to make amends.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/06/2018 06:01

She baby sits for free. I’d just pay for it myself and pay for a babysitter from now on. Tbh I don’t find a pole safe if a mid 50’s woman can pull it down. She could have been killed. And one day your child will be big and boisterous or will bring his mates round to have a go. Don’t think a stern talking to or hiding the key will stop then and then anything could happen. Perhaps in a way this is a blessing in disguise and time to rethink how you fix the pole so it doesn’t happen again.

toolonglurking · 03/06/2018 06:02

I'd be raging! She needs to realise there are consequences for wrecking other people's belongings, and she needs to pay for the damage she caused. I can't belive she's not offered to pay. Maybe you and DH can have a face to face conversation with her, take photos of the damage, DFIL is probably defending her but has no understanding of what she's actually done?

MrsFassy · 03/06/2018 06:14

So according to some people here, if I'm babysitting (for free) for a family member then I'm free to snoop around their home, cause damage, lie about said damage and that's okay?

OP yanbu I'd be livid too, more about the lying and lack of apology. Accidents happen, but for her to have been in that room in the first place shows a lack of respect for your private space, but then to lie about it and call you names.

NukaColaGirl · 03/06/2018 06:17

YADNBU Angry

She snooped
She’s damaged your property
She’s lied, lied and lied some more

She should pay for the ceiling, the artwork and anything else related to the damage SHE caused.

WTF. I can’t believe PPs saying suck it up and pay for all repairs yourself! Fuck. That. So what if she’s embarrassed?! Not embarrassed enough to admit to it, explain what she was even doing in there in the first place or offer to pay!

lljkk · 03/06/2018 06:17

MIL with Pole dancing aspirations?? omg, where's the...

AIBU in expecting MIL to pay for my ceiling repairs