WIBU to lose my shit with her?

[FairfaxAikman]

I take part in a team sport (not going to say what as it's rather niche and therefore outing).
Every year my club runs a competition and I am one of a core of six members who always helps set up and does the donkey work across the whole weekend (emptying bins, picking up litter, ensuring toilets are clean, fetching and carrying etc)

This year I asked to do specific tasks that I know are less strenuous as I will have 12-week-old DS with me and because I had an emergency section which hasn't healed brilliantly (really hoping I would be encouraged to take a back seat this year).

The woman who runs the club has pointed out all that I am expected to do in addition to competing myself (which would be fine in a normal year) and is pushing me to leave DS with DH for the entire weekend. I pointed out I am BF and the response was "can't you express some" - erm, not enough for two days, no.
She now wants me to bring DH to look after DS. He doesn't normally come to any competition with me.

She was difficult in my pregnancy too - resisting a minor alteration to my technique which allowed me to compete safely until I put my foot down - and has a history of "humorous" digs at me, which I generally ignore but have led to DH trying to persuade me to move teams in the past.

WIBU to tell her to fuck off, I'm not leaving DS nor am I running ragged this year?

Is this a hobby? The thing you do for fun rather than your actual job? Assuming it is I'd just tell her calmly that you will be unavailable that weekend. You tried to compromise but that wasn't good enough so you can't come. Time to prioritise your health and your family.

And no, don't lose your shit or start shouting and swearing, it'll have so much more impact if you clearly and calmly state your rights.

You'd be unreasonable if you didn't now tell her that unfortunately you're not going to be able to help with the planning and execution side, you'll just be competing as it's someone else's turn to step up this year.
As an aside though depending on the sport i kind of agree about bringing dh, otherwise who will look after ds while you're actually competing?

Just tell her you won't be available this year for more than you have already said. Don't apologise.

Although tbf I'm not sure bringing ds along without an extra person to look after him would work anyway. What if he started to scream mid match?

That’s awful. She can’t make you do anything. Are your team mates supportive?

Bow out for this year. Today preferably.
Nobody would treat me like that.

I have friends in other clubs, one of whole has a DD even younger than DS, who would take DS as needed.

The sport format is a bit weird - there are different levels, each of which consists of short bursts of maybe 10 mins three times, spread across an hour, so I'd never be away from him for longer than ten minutes at a time - unless I have to get involved in refereeing etc.

Who is actually going to look after your son, though?

Also if I bow out then my team can't compete as we don't have any substitutes.

I'm happy to compete - it's just the demand that I leave DS which has pissed me off.

Why would you allow some random busybody from your sports club tell you how to handle your pregnancy, postnatal care and your new baby? Just TELL her what you are able to do this year. Is she a midwife? a neonatal consultant? How is she qualified to say what is appropriate or safe for someone in your position?

Why would you allow some random busybody from your sports club tell you how to handle your pregnancy, postnatal care and your new baby? Just TELL her what you are able to do this year.

^ this !!!
Sounds like you’re a lovely person op. Sounds like other woman hasn’t got kids and is obsessed with the sport. If team can’t compete without you now is a great time to make a stand!

Don't do anything other than compete this year. I would be surprised if someone with such a young baby was doing all the crap work involved on the sidelines of an event.

Put yourself and your child first.

Dear Club Leader

As you know, for the past X years, I have been instrumental in the set up of the annual competition and put in a lot of time and effort to help everything run smoothly. However, I have just given birth which involved major abdominal surgery. This is failing to heal satisfactorily so this year I will only be available to compete (I would actually bow out for this year but that would have an impact on the rest of my team). You will need to distribute all the necessary tasks amongst other members.

Many thanks, Fairfax

You do need someone there to look after your baby. Someone with that responsibility alone. You will not be able to relax with baby there. So bring someone , not because Queen Bee says it but because it makes sense. Passing baby around is awkward and unfair to everyone.
Do not do any jobs while recovering from birth.

I agree with Cora. Don’t let this person push you around.

I has similar comments when I breastfeeding- my fil helpfully suggesting I express to make babysitting easier. Some people don’t unsolicited it’s not always that easy!

*don’t understand

What do you mean, you "hoped you would be encouraged to take a back seat this year?" It's not up to anyone else to "encourage" you; YOU tell THEM that you're not available to help.

Do you think it's time for an ultimatum? It's your way or no way no arguments.

You've already been more than reasonable and offered up compromises. This woman has already been rude to you and made you feel uncomfortable so don't have any hesitation in holding back to her.

Fwiw I also think from what you've said that you should just compete this year. You're twelve weeks post major abdominal surgery - you should be taking it easy for a long while yet. I appreciate your actual hobby is a necessity in the way it's enjoyable for you and probably very welcome in these new baby days - but the general dogsbodying isn't.

Honestly, just stop being a pushover.

TELL her you will ONLY be competing this year, she will have to get others to do the donkey work...or do it herself.

You’ve been too nice, for too long. Find your backbone & get her told!

Congratulations on DS 🌷 and sorry to hear it’s not healed as well as it could have. Take care of yourself!

I agree with Barbara and others. Grow a backbone! Why are you letting this busybody dictate to you? At 12 weeks post section I'm amazed you are ready to compete in anything!

Who will look after the baby when you're taking part? How long does it last?

Twelve weeks post partum, breast feeding and with a poorly healing abdominal scar. Why are you even taking part? What happens if you get injured?

I'd send a group message to whole group saying that unfortunately you will be unable to attend because unfortunately this woman does not accept that you will be unable to do xyz as you usually do and due to her inflexibility and unwillingness to compromise you have been forced to pull out of the weekend.

Wait a minute. I'll take the liberty to assume there is no monetary gain In this. Why are you putting up with this shit.
How dare she tell you just express milk. Cheek bitch. If this were a paid job. Your manager would get hauled over the coals for such a comment.
Sit back and relax and enjoy your baby

Lose your shit: YABU
Calmly tell her what you will and will not do: YANBU

Don't be bullied into anything. Just say 'sorry, not doing that, I will do x, y, z only, let me know if it is better if I withdraw on this occasion'.