WIBU to lose my shit with her?

[FairfaxAikman]

I take part in a team sport (not going to say what as it's rather niche and therefore outing).
Every year my club runs a competition and I am one of a core of six members who always helps set up and does the donkey work across the whole weekend (emptying bins, picking up litter, ensuring toilets are clean, fetching and carrying etc)

This year I asked to do specific tasks that I know are less strenuous as I will have 12-week-old DS with me and because I had an emergency section which hasn't healed brilliantly (really hoping I would be encouraged to take a back seat this year).

The woman who runs the club has pointed out all that I am expected to do in addition to competing myself (which would be fine in a normal year) and is pushing me to leave DS with DH for the entire weekend. I pointed out I am BF and the response was "can't you express some" - erm, not enough for two days, no.
She now wants me to bring DH to look after DS. He doesn't normally come to any competition with me.

She was difficult in my pregnancy too - resisting a minor alteration to my technique which allowed me to compete safely until I put my foot down - and has a history of "humorous" digs at me, which I generally ignore but have led to DH trying to persuade me to move teams in the past.

WIBU to tell her to fuck off, I'm not leaving DS nor am I running ragged this year?

GreatDuckCookery all asked and answered. Did you know in customisation you can highlight the OP’s posts? It’s really great

Blimey, I had a CS and wouldn't be doing anything sport-related or 'helping' twelve weeks afterward. Especially when BF - I BF after my first section, but got so run-down that when I had a second I bottle-fed.

It's very difficult to accept that one is not able to do the same things as before. Also difficult for other people to recognise that it's not like recovering from a normal birth. You've had a major operation, your stomach muscles have all been cut, as has your womb. I'd havae a deep ache internally for years afterward, if I did anything too strenuous.

Look after yourself, and don't let people pressure you.

I would be telling her to get fucked and not bother at all. What an arse to demand you go and compete despite the things you've said - bf and the healing - assuming she knows about the latter too.

Who died and made her the Queen?

With a still healing wound and a breastfeeding baby just get back to her and say "I'm glad you've raised this, I've thought about it and I won't be able to do more than compete this year."

Any come back from her just reply with "That won't be possible'

Look at it as practice for all the unreasonable demands people will make of you now you have a child.

You need too take DH to deal with son, surely? Who will look after son when you are doing tour 10 mins stint?

Unless this is international crochet, I agree you shouldn't really be taking part. Sod the team, you've got a CS scar and engorged boobs - that can't be safe or comfortable for anyone.

I would tweak the message that @CoraBright has suggested to this:

Dear Club Leader

As you know, for the past X years, I have been instrumental in the set up of the annual competition and put in a lot of time and effort to help everything run smoothly. However, I have just given birth so this year I am only available to compete. Any other work that I have done in the past must be distributed to other members. If this is not possible for you to arrange, I must unfortunately decline to participate in the competition this year and will pass on this information to the other team members who will be very disappointed they will be unable to compete as a result of your decision.

Many thanks, Fairfax

Re the 'not healing brilliantly' - I had a problem with internal dissolving stitches. Well, they were meant to dissolve, instead they got rejected, and migrated up to the surface. Once they'd been ejected the wound healed properly. I can't remember how long it took for them to migrate to the surface, unfortunately.

I would strongly urge you to not help or compete this year. Have a break.

I used to be a sports coach, I know how involved you have to be and how it takes over your life. But they will cope fine without you. Nobody is irreplaceable.

PS, I just googled and it looks like dissolving-stitch-rejection occurs much earlier, so ignore what I said.

Don't lose your shit. Tell her calmly exactly what you can and will do and what you won't. If she persists, tell her equally calmly that you won't be participating at all this year.

Although TBH if someone had consistently made digs at me as you describe, I'd probably have left the team by now anyway. Why put up with it?

Have you checked with your midwife/dr that you are able to do this ?

@WhatchaMaCalllit

As you know, for the past X years, I have been instrumental in the set up of the annual competition and put in a lot of time and effort to help everything run smoothly. However, I have just given birth

Good letter, but I'd change it to "I've just had major abdominal surgery". People associate CS with birth, so ignore what a serious operation it is. I've never understood why people have elective CSs :(

How unsupportive can some people be?! That's terrible. She needs to find someone else to do any donkey work. Please don't let her push you around and suggesting you express is downright unacceptable. Please stand up to her!

I've never understood why people have elective CSs

Nor have I - my emergency CS left me weak and exhausted for months

Is the club leader's name Aunt Lydia?

WTAF?!! Join another club

If you're not healing properly, is competing in a sporting event wise? I've had 3 sections, all of which have been a bit dodgy, I'd urge you to sit this one out till you heal completely.

Congrats on your DS!

@echt

Just another thought OP, you haven't been pushed/bullied into competing have you?

Apart from anything else she obviously doesn't understand how breastfeeding and expressing milk actually works!

I'm hoping it's not a combat sport or netball.

I'm going against the grain here. I actually think it's a fair request from her that you take your DH. It is unfair and inappropriate to ask other competitors to look after your child when you're competing - 10 minutes a time or not.