To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

i order a weekly delivery. i ask who wants what anything specific on the delivery.

i provide cash for ingredient purchases and a home conveniently located within walking distance of a variety of supermarkets.

i have to ration kitchen/oven time because i have a kitchen the size of a postage stamp. but offer it - cleaned and cleared! - for those that need.

the option that's most often taken is "order with dad in the morning who works in town to bring you something back from town that you can predict will be the same every time and then you can know what's for tea before you do to school, because that's important for you"

any other questions?

AssassinatedBeauty

Same way most vegan parents don’t buy or cook meat

The rules would be

You must come on all food shops no giving me your vegan list and sending me off like some fudgeing errand boy

And you make your own dinners or at the very least all veggie dinners must be prepped by you

And if we’re going out it’s your duty to be pro active and inform auntie June you no longer eat meat

sorry i can't reword, its a reponse to this post of yours:

iwishicouldbelikedavidwatts no-one is taking the piss it's incredibly simple - the mother is lazy or unimaginative it barely add any time at all.

If I am not a fudging vegan why would I be tasked to sort or vegan meals if I wanted to do that I would become a vegan myself

My daughter has a milk allergy and a thing other than what we normall eat is a hassle tomorrow we’re havibg something with cream so I have so make hers separate it’s a hassle I have 3 kids and work but yes what all parents want to do when they get back from work is cook 2 meals

LOL this is a sad face daily mail thread. "Vegetarian refuses to eat fag end of meat dish parent has prepared".

Are you mental?

Thanks for explaining what you'd do. I do find it a bit harsh that people would be unsupportive and almost obstructive towards your child. And almost gleeful about it, almost expecting them to fail at trying to be vegetarian and being pleased about that.

If the expectation is that they must buy and cook their own food, how does that work?

Quite easily. Help them find easy recipes to try, get them to check cupboards for what they have/need and write a list. Either send them to the shop with cash, pick up bits (but only what they write on the list) or bring them along on the weekly shop.

Would you help them meal plan and shop?

Help, yes. Do it for them, no. Let them learn from mistakes but obviously don't let them starve.

Do they need to use their own pocket money for food?

No more so than other children surely. Give them a weekly budget, that'd be another great life skill to learn.

When can they access the kitchen - would it be whilst the parent(s) are cooking, or would they need to wait till before or afterwards?

Depends on your kitchen. For me, I've the space. If not then tell them when you'll be cooking and get them to adapt around that - bit of give and take on both sides needed but the child can't come barging in when the majority dinner is being made.

YABU.

Completely reasonable and ethical to choose to go veggie.

Ok iwishicouldbelikedavidwatts let's just leave it that I haven't got the foggiest what you're trying to say. I therefore still think the OP is making a mountain out of a molehill. It's incredibly easy to feed vegetarians and meat eaters at the same time with minimal effort. I'm a vegetarian but until my DC say they prefer not to eat meat then I cook them meat - though not every day. Because I really dislike the idea of inflicting my own preferences on them, although I do dislike having meat in my kitchen.

Would you expect other non vegetarian children to shop, budget and cook? It's all good life skills so why not get them all doing it?

FFS - stop being coy about swearing! If you want to say 'fuck' it's quite alright on MN to say it.

No need for the twee 'fudging' or 'ducking'! Just fucking swear!

Oh, and BTW, the OP clearly isn't coming back, having set this cat amongst the MN pigeons ...

Yabvu, surely you already know that though?!

Thanks for explaining what you'd do. I do find it a bit harsh that people would be unsupportive and almost obstructive towards your child. And almost gleeful about it, almost expecting them to fail at trying to be vegetarian and being pleased about that.

i'm a creative home cook and have been since before i had my first dd 15 years ago. when she decided to go veggie a couple of years back i didn't make fun of or question her choice. i pointed out that there may be some practical difficulties - that would fall to me to accommodate - and that there might be a way that we could share those practical difficulties where no-one felt disrespected. we have come to some accommodations, but she is aware of my limitations and apprecitive of the effort i do make when i'm able to make it.

doesn't mean i can't call her out for being unreasonable in her absence on mumsnet :D

Would you expect other non vegetarian children to shop, budget and cook? It's all good life skills so why not get them all doing it?

To me?
Yes, as I said before I did exactly that myself at 14 - cooked a meal or two a week. But if someone is making different food choices to the rest, I'd expect them to do their own cooking. And I'd probably do a few veggie family meals during the week.

I generally eat veggie during the week as it is.

No need for the twee 'fudging' or 'ducking'!

Ducking is often due to autocorrect.

Ok iwishicouldbelikedavidwatts let's just leave it that I haven't got the foggiest what you're trying to say

i think i understand what you're trying to say but :shrug:

I wouldn't cook a veggie food in the same dish. However, I'd ask her to do her own around 3 nights a week. That will test out if it's hassle you have to stick with or not - at the moment it's only a hassle for you and no her.

As a vegetarian I think YABU I could t eat that. Just thinking of meat juices swimming round my food makes me feel ill.

She will have her entire life to be ridiculed or singled out for being vegetarian, at least at home make it a vegetarian safe haven

Where on earth do you live that vegetarians are ridiculed or singled out? The 1920s?

YABVU

I became a vegetarian whe i was 14. One day i ate neat and the next day i didn't, exactly like your daughter. I wouldn't eat a veggie meal cooked with meat. I'm 33 now and still a vegetarian and sometimes obnoxious people will get annoyed that i won't have something that was cooked with meat.

YABVVVU

Do you think the OP is too busy sticking meat products into vegetarian dishes to come back?

• when
• meat

Yabu, very few vegetarians will eat a dish that's contaminated with meat juices. You might as well just cook her the meat dish and get her to pick the meat out

My dd is 11 and became veggie last year. We eat maybe 3-4 veggie meals a week, and adapt/cook two meals for the remaining 3-4. Dd is perfectly capable of cooking simple things for herself at 11 and will often do so - things like omelettes, quorn sausage and mash, curries, pasta bakes, chilli, jacket potato etc. We also keep some 'shove in the oven' frozen veggie options to use in a pinch. Definitely get your daughter to cook some of the meals - even once a week would help compensate for the extra time spent cooking for her over the rest of the week.

It’s almost funny that you thought it would be ok to put the veggie stuff at one end op! Would it have killed you to use another baking tray 😂
Yanbu to expect a 14yr old to cook occasionally but why not also try out a few veggie dishes as well as others have suggested.