To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

Oh and Ive been vegetarian sine 14 but raising two meat eaters, one of which doesn't eat tomatoes (absolute nightmare dislike for cooking family meals.). And DH regularly eats an hour or so after we do, so yes I am cooking three separate diners every day, if not 4. But the thing is, having been treated as if I was just being a pain in the arse the entire time as a child for making a personal choice about food, I now wouldn't dream of telling someone I wont cook for them. I would happily cater for allergies, food whims and likes and dislikes as its a way to show someone they are appreciated and their wishes taken into account. Unless your DD has a whole history of being unreasonably demanding, I think you are being really mean.

I am astonished at people saying make her cook aged 14. I'd rather my 14 year old was getting on with her homework I was addressing the people saying make her cook her own food all the time. My veggie daughter cooks at least once a week for the whole family, she's a great cook. But deliberately cooking your veggie child's food in a meat dish and refusing to change this and/or making them cook everything themselves is mean. It's deliberately punishing them and most nice people try to be either accommodating or help their child learn to help themselves, not make them eat Quorn covered in meat juices!

YABVU. If she's not eating meat then she's not going to want her kids meal cooked in the same dish as the meat - that's not a vegetarian meal. I think it shows respect for her decision by doing it right and putting hers in separate pans.

Can I ask why it’s not more work sothisis?

In winter, our meals are done in the slow cooker or one pot meal such stir fry. With meat. Catering for someone who is vegetarian isn’t just about replacing meat by Qorn, it would be making a whole new dish.
I, could of course, replace meat by qorn for everyone. Except that tbh it’s rank.
Or I could cook stir fry wo the meat and cook the meat in a separate dish and the qorn in another and and and. More dishes to wash, more time to prepare (when the idea is to make it quick ans easy all in one dish).
For me, the way we are cooking in my house, this would basically mean cooking a second meal just for her.....

Now I DO agree that she should be taken seriously. But I think she should take it Serioulsy too and help, propose ideas for meal, so some cooking, do the extra washing involved etc etc too. Not just ‘help a little bit’ (which in my house means it will be forgotten soon and i have to do it all on my own). The dd HAS to take some responsibility there in the whole of the process.

Yanbu on the her needing to cook for herself. If she's so set on this change she can do it herself instead of passing the buck to the rest of the family. I'd help out by helping with a meal plan and shopping, though.

Yabu on the cooking veggie food with meat, that defeats the purpose!

I eat meat. Two of my sons eat meat. My dh is vegetarian and my eldest son has recently become so. I have never ever cooked anything for my dh in a dish which has contained meat or meat products. I wouldn’t dream of it. It really isn’t that difficult to cater for vegetarians alongside omnivores. It might mean a little extra planning but is that so hard to ask?

Metoo I wouod add to your list the fact that teenagers often have NO IDEA of the amount of wffortbthat goes into cooking a proper meal.
So what looks easy form the outside and ‘I’m just asking you to respect my ethical choices’ suddenly looks much harder when you actually have to do it.

And I'm really amused at the shock and horror from some people regarding her cooking her own meal. When I was 14 I cooked a dinner once or twice per week. It was really good training for adult life, especially when compared to some of my mollycoddled mates at college...

Some of DH's family still treat his vegetarianism (32 years since he stopped eating meat) like it's a silly teen fad. He's 50.

I was lucky in that my parents treated my decision at age 14 with respect. Yes, I learned to cook, but I was never treated as an annoyance. And 35 years ago it was much harder to cook veggie because there simply wasn't a culture of anything except meat plus two veg. (Actually the lack of highly processed meat substitutes was probably a blessing as it meant my family learned to cook decent meals without meat instead of just putting quorn sausages on the plate.)

It might mean a little extra planning

Well that’s the issue there isn’t it?
You have developed a way of cooking that will cater easily for omnivore and vegetarians alongside.
The OP hasn’t. The way she is cooking will, in all likelihood, NOT lend itself to an easy ‘cooking alongside’.
Doing so will mean rethinking the whole way they are eating to cater for the dd. And YES it is a lot of work and some extra planning (a little extra planning when you have a system that works well and is well oiled. A lot when you dint have a system at all).

I find it surprising that most posters are refusing to acknowledge that fact. It’s as if they have forgotten that to be in the place where it feels easy to do cook two meals to cater for two types of preferrances, they had to do some work, adapt, try new ways of cooking/meals. That they probably started little by little rather than a ‘my dd has decided she doesn’t touch meat anymore’ wo prior notice.

VivaKondo I agree with you totally

YABU about the meatballs, but having said that DD should be making an effort to help with the family cooking. My Dad didn't cook, so as the eldest I often had to cook for the family if mum wasn't there.

Our daughter decided to become vegetarian as a teenager, so it was made clear she would have to help prepare food as both parents worked full-time.

We later discovered that she ate meat at friend's homes all along.

usually after a full day of woke

:D being woke is tiring as fuck

Just buy vegetarian microwave meals

YABVVVVVVU!.....but I think the penny must have dropped by now.

Would people really make a 14 year old cook for herself?

Yes.

I have had three so far who decided to be veggie and when I said ok, but I would only cook what I normally cook and they would have to either just have it without the meat or prepare themselves something they all ended up back on meat within a month.

Easy to make a big moral decision when someone else is doing the leg work. What shows true commitment is doing it yourself.

Just buy vegetarian microwave meals

for the family that has grown up without the space for such a gadget (or the space for anything larger than a freezer compartment, but i digress) and therefore no cooking strategies with which to apply it?

i do veggie ready meals in the oven (veg dd is also poss asd and appreciates consistency) but it's still an additional item on my cooking rota, which might otherwise have the oven at a different temp. this idea that it's less than motherly to not be able to sling a hundred different requirements about in a kitchen the size of a postage stamp also makes me lol.

If parents won't cook or provide vegetarian meals, are they expecting the child to buy and cook their own food for every meal at home, or to be forced to eat meat, or go hungry/exist on toast?

If the expectation is that they must buy and cook their own food, how does that work? Would you help them meal plan and shop? Do they need to use their own pocket money for food? When can they access the kitchen - would it be whilst the parent(s) are cooking, or would they need to wait till before or afterwards?

Yep you're in the wrong here. Just cool her food separately, it's not that hard

So, OP is not coming back then.

PyongyangKipperbang Agreed

My husband has currently decided he’s no longer eating carbs hospice do all the cooking

Today after a long day at work he ate
Curry with rice and nann funny how when he needed to cook for himself his resolve crumbled

Why is everyone's solution make her cook for herself?!

She's fourteen and she's making a huge decision.

Get her involved in the kitchen and use it as an education tool, as you would with your other kids.

But to say either cook yourself or go hungry? Too much.

She will have her entire life to be ridiculed or singled out for being vegetarian, at least at home make it a vegetarian safe haven - it's so important at that age (coming from someone who went Vegan at 17).

I think YABU. I'm a vegetarian and wouldn't eat food that had been cooked in the same pan as meat. Being vegetarian is an emotive choice and often once people have made it the thought of consuming meat is distressing.

Presumably you don't eat meat for every meal, so it can't be happening all the time (and if you are eating meat every meal you should think about cutting back!) so for the sake of a couple of meals a week I think you could use separate pans. She can do the extra dishes and cook once a week or so as a compromise!

it turns out there are a variety of options, a few of which i've itemised above. the one where the mother's effort or imagination is called into question is not the only way

Can you try re-wording that - it doesn't make sense.

And what's all this obsession with quorn?