To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

Wow. I'm assuming this is a reverse? Surely, no-one thinks a vegetarian would eat that? (I eat meat, btw).

If not a reverse, would it really have killed you to cook the meatballs separately? It's hardly difficult. Or is this your way of trying to force her back on to meat?

I completely agree about not contaminating veggie food - those eating need to be able to rely on their parent/ the cook. It's a pretty serious betrayal to think meat bits or juices here and there don't matter - they do.

I have eight DC, three of whom are vegetarian and five of whom eat meat. It really isn't hard at all to accommodate all of them without compromising any of them ethically.

i prostrate myself before your domestic godessicity.

This has to be a wind up. Or, as has been said "you cannot be serious"!

I'm an unfussy vegetarian of more years than I care to remember. I will happily help my mum cook her meat dishes. In fact, I'm trying to get her to eat more meat because she's iron deficient and can't tolerate any supplements. I really, really don't care what other people eat. Although whenever I read stories of cruelty to animals in the meat industry, I find it terribly upsetting. There's no excuse for them not to be treated well (I grew up on a dairy farm).

But to cook vegetarian food in the same dish as meat - a pasta bake no less, where the juices would presumably intermingle (if I have understood the OP correctly ) - no way would I eat that!

It's worse than the time when I ordered a double cheese pizza from Pizza Hut and they brought it to me loaded with ham. i said I didn't want it because of the ham and the bloke said to me "Can't you just pick it off?" No!

I think the issue is that you don't really take her seriously as a veggie so you aren't really ready to accommodate her (I bet if you had veggie guests for dinner you wouldn't mix the veggie food with non-veggie food).

I think it would be reasonable to say that since she's a veggie there's more work involved in dinner so she should do a little more helping with the food prep. That way you shift the work onto her. If she's committed to being a veggie it won't put her off.

It's actually pretty tedious to have to do lots of different food, cook things separately, etc. And a child of that age is perfectly capable of cooking for themselves. In fact my DD often cooks family meals for everyone (vegetarian these days).

Yes because someone making an intelligent and reasoned ethical choice is hysterical.

because someone making intelligent and reasoned ethical choices and then relying on one's mother's ability to deliver those choices at every meal, is taking the piss.

On paper YABU because you can’t cook a veggie meal in the same dish than a non veggie meal.
She doesn’t force you to be vegetarian either BUT she is forcing you to cook two meals instead of one. Which means twice the effort, twice the washing etc...
So in some ways, she IS actually forcing you to either make extra effort OR actually go evegetarian your self to avoid the cooking two meals.

I dont think it’s acceptable to expect the whole family to suddenly eat vegetarian food because she does.
Nor do I think it’s acceptable for her to think it’s ok to start asking for such a huge change wo her making any effort about it re cooking (eg cook some of her dinner, propose to help, cook one meal in the week) and no effort either on what sort of meals can be prepared (if you dint normally prepare vegetarian food, starting to cook like this big efforts to find recipes etc... as they are not what you would normally eat).

I can totally see how the OP tried to go for some short cuts.
I get with the dd doesn’t find it acceptable.
But I’d she wants a special type of diet, she will have to step up too. Not just expect her mum, the OP, to just jump at her request.

YABU. Its no effort to just put a pasta bake in two separate bakewear dishes. Its like saying "this is just an irritating fad, no special treatment for you young lady". and demonstrating that her opinion is unimportant Imagine meeting a new MIL as a veggie and she did that. How would you feel?
This is a good opportunity to spend time with your daughter, learning to cook new things together. It could be a real positive in fact.

One of my dd's has been vegetarian since 10. It is not a big deal to put a Quorn chicken fillet in a different dish and serve the rest the same. It's done us all good to have more veggie meals and we eat a lot of beans/lentils now.

I am astonished at people saying make her cook aged 14. I'd rather my 14 year old was getting on with her homework and having a social life than cooking every night, I think it's mean to do that, although of course her learning a few meals, cooking for everyone, or shoving in a Quorn meal is fine. But wholescale just withdrawing your cooking from only one child because they made a judgement call about eating meat is really bizarre mean parenting, IMO. It's a punishing move which isn't necessary.

Cheers iwishicouldbelikedavidwatts. I don't cook complicated meals though ever just decent easy things.

OP you must respect her choices.
However you are 100% allowed to continue your diet as it is and not include veggie meals in it however having some veggie days would be a nice gesture

Sorry but i would say YABU, im veggie and my DP, DD and DS are not and i always have mine made in a seperate dish

I think she's reasonable not to expect the veggie option to be cooked in with the meat. But I would be expecting her to do more of her own cooking. I would cook the veg part of a meal for everyone and the meat separately and then she would have to cook her own quorn or whatever to eat with it; sometimes I'd do veggie for everyone and at 14, she could cook for everyone once a week.

iwishicouldbelikedavidwatts no-one is taking the piss it's incredibly simple - the mother is lazy or unimaginative it barely add any time at all.

AllMY thé thing is a guest is someone who is coming ONCE in a while. The dd needs a meal everyday.
Not comparable on the mount of work involved.

As for asking her to do a LITTLE bit more work. Why just a little? Why is it ok for a 14yo to asker her mum to spend MUCH MORE time and effort cooking without her lifting a finger (helping a bit more with food prep will helping with the tip of the iceberg only). Not on.

YABU - the meat juices will have spread throughout. Just pop hers in a small dish next time

the mother is lazy or unimaginative it barely add any time at all

it turns out there are a variety of options, a few of which i've itemised above. the one where the mother's effort or imagination is called into question is not the only way :)

I am astonished at people saying make her cook aged 14. I'd rather my 14 year old was getting on with her homework
Hmm my 13 and 14yo are asked to prepare a full meal once a week. It has never stopped them from being able to do their homework. Afetrall, it’s supposed to be ‘easy and quick’ isn’t it? Half an hour might be eating I. Their time playing games on their phone but not on homework lol.
But it does teach them how to cook, something that is quite essential as an adult.

So I can’t see the issue with the dd learning that skill too.

YABVVU. Both expecting her to eat it, and refusing to cook to accommodate her. I can't abide picky eating from my son - he eats what we eat, no questions. But vegetarianism is different. We could all do with eating less meat. See it as an opportunity to broaden your palate and eat more colourfully and healthily. You don't have to cook something different for her every night - eat the same things as her some nights! You're a family. Christ.

(No, I'm not a veggie)

Sorry but catering for a vegetarian isn't a lot more work. 20 years ago yes, absolute nightmare. Now? Really not. Every supermarket except the cheapest and nastiest have big vegetarian sections. Its really not hard. I would get the 14 year old to help more in the kitchen yes. But show you are taking her seriously. Its awful at 14 to have something you feel passionately about ridiculed by a parent.

Not read all the thread,and I'm not a veggie, I'm a meat eater but YABU and I'm totally with your dd on this one.
Sticking a few veggie meatballs "at the end" of a meat dish does not a veggie dish make.
I know lots of veggies and none would be comfortable with that. As it's not a veggie dish.
It wouldn't have been hard to keep hers in a separate pan,

I don’t cook different meals for anyone on my home unless they have an allergy

A-it’s costs a ducking bomb
B- it’s often teenage fad.

C- the real way you can tell resolve for fad is getting them to do it themselves often teenagers are princleped to the point they have to lift a finger them selves

Ducking coooking all day then doing another meal for someone meals usually after a full day of woke

Laudanumm that's really shitty. You basically gave her no real option did you. Cooking vegetables in eat juices is very unhealthy anyway so you'd do the family as a whole a favour by cooking them separately. I'm glad she cooks you all a veggie meal though because it's the only time she actually gets to be veggie.