To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

If she's only been veggie for a little bit then this won't count, but if you did something like this to someone who had been veggie for, say, a year, you could make them really sick. We lose the enzymes needed to digest meat after not eating it for a while.

I've been vegan for four years and accidentally ate something with meat juices in it and was violently sick.

You should respect your daughters choices, this does not involve feeding her meat juices.

There is a long established vegetarian shoe shop based on Brighton where all their shoes are vegan.

https://www.vegetarian-shoes.co.uk/womens/womensshoes/100266_0c.html

In defence of the prices, they are extremely well made and long lasting shoes. People often spend just as much on leather shoes from high street shops.

No way would I have eaten that when I was veggie. I wouldn't even have eaten it if you'd used the same spoon to dish the two dishes up when cooked separately. Maybe ex plain to her how much extra work it is for you and tell her if she wants seperate meals she can at least help cook them?

I got a pair from there and they fell apart in no time.
Wills Vegan Shoes is much better.
wills-vegan-shoes.com

Or M & S or Next.

Oh that's a shame, @SimonBridges. I've had several pairs that have lasted me for ages.

When he found out that I was vegetarian he warned me that if you were a vegetarian for more than 10 years you would die.

😂 😂

I think most vegetarians would expect different dishes. However, you are quite new to this so I wouldn't make a big deal of it - what's key now is your reaction.

If your DD is serious about it, you won't want her to view you as obstructive - suddenly expecting her to cook her own meals, getting defensive in situations like this etc. Even if she isn't, I think this your attitude to this can definitely be dredged up later on, and could be potentially difficult for her. "You never support me! Remember when I went vegetarian?" Not only might that make life very difficult for you (my DD would definitely use ammunition like that!) if she genuinely feels that way it could really impact your relationship.

Supporting your kids through things that are important to them, whether they're "a fad" or otherwise, is tremendously important.

YABVU you do not cook veggie food with meat food. I’m not veggie but if preparing food for a vegetarian I use separate dishes and either separate utensils or wash inbetween.

Yanbu. If she doesn't like it she can lump it and next time cook the no-meatballs herself. She's not allergic to it. She's managed to eat meat quite well all her life to that point. I'm with you.
I have told my offspring that they are welcome to become vegetarian when they have left home. That's the privilege of being an adult.

You can buy non leather shoes everywhere. I buy doc martens online but for flats, sandals etc any high street shop does non leather options.

Can’t imagine this thread is real. It has to be a joke, right?

There are so many cheap plastic shoes and bags in ordinary shops now, why do you need to buy special vegan ones? Genuine question.

You don't need to if you don't want to! It's just a small local business, it's nice to have the choice where to buy things from.

Also plastic doesn't mean vegan. Sometimes glue and dyes etc use animal products. Some people might prefer to buy from a wholly vegan company as well.

I’m excited for pinatex - who wouldn’t want shoes made from pineapples?!

Bit late to the party, but YABVU, DS, who's 11, went veggie about a month ago and had been really grateful that I've completely respected his choice.

I don't use meat subs, but we tend to have a lot if 'component' type meals anyway, so if I was making a curry, I might make tandoori chicken, saag aloo, daal, and mushroom rice with a bit of salad, raita and pickles so he's still getting a balanced and interesting dinner.

I always make sure there's a pulse or bean/chickpea based dish for him.

Or when we had poached salmon with asparagus, jerseys, watercress salad and hollandaise, he just had all the bits and plenty of hollandaise as it's got tons of eggs and butter.

It's not hard to cater for veggies (and DS cooks with DH on a Saturday evening so we've had some wonderful veggie dishes cooked by him).

I do make him take a supliment with iron just in case though ( although he us eating a balanced diet, he's a growing boy!).

I'd say YANBU. I'm vegan, and was vegetarian before that, and I would have eaten it. I'm strict in my diet (absolutely no animal products or anything derived from animal products) but it's a meal somebody else took time to cook for her and it isn't an allergy. If her choice is due to ethical reasons rather than disliking the taste she's not consuming meat or adding to meat consumption in any way, so I can't see an issue. I would talk to her, and ask her to think about why eating food cooked in the same dish as meat is unethical. I doubt she'll find a decent reason, but if she does then fair enough to her. If not, that should solve the issue. If her not eating meat is due to not liking the taste then that would make more sense.
In terms of cooking her own meals, she's certainly old enough, and it would probably be a useful thing for her to learn to cook fot herself for the future. Plus it's not very fair on you having to cook separate meals especially if you're the one left with the washing up (you may not be, but who knows). Hope it all goes well, as she is making a thoughtful and ethical choice.

Did go off on a bit of a tangent there, my point being, I'm a committed carnivore, I really enjoy eating meat (I do buy high welfare though), but, DS who is old enough to start making decisions about his life has decided he no longer wants to eat meat.

And I'd be a bit of a shit not to respect and aid him with that decision.

It's not hard to bung two dishes in the oven is it?

she's not consuming meat or adding to meat consumption

She's eating meat. I've been vegetarian for over 30 years. A housemate of mine who loved cooking once made his specialty dish for all the household to share. I was tired, cold and hungry and he just put food in front of me and said he wouldn't be offended if I just picked the meat out. It was some kind of cured sausage so easy to remove but you could taste the meat fat in the remaining food. You might as well argue that you can cook your dinner in lard and still be vegetarian.

On that occasion yes I ate it. It was polite and I was physically shattered and wanted food. But it was not a vegetarian meal by any stretch of the imagination.

Just to wang on some more OP (because I've actually really enjoyed thinking of balanced, interesting lunches for DS, who's started taking a packed lunch since he went veggie as the school options are a bit shit), DS going veggie has improved my diet and shaken up my cooking a bit as well so it's entirely positive.

In his packed lunch he's had

Frittata with peppers and feta, various veg sticks, hummus and wholemeal pitta.

Spiced beans with peppers, guacamole, grated cheese and tortilla.

Falafel, hummus, chopped salad, tzatziki and pickled chillies.

Chickpea, roasted tomatoes, spinach and red onions, flatbread and alioli.

Mini ploughman's with hunks of cheddar, salad, big chunk of bread, pickled onions and gherkins a pot of pickle and some quails' eggs.

Dolmades, olives and Greek salad with pitta.

California rolls with wakame salad.

And I get to eat it all for my lunch too! See it as an opportunity OP.

I realise the above may make me sound like a bit of a wanker.

I'm just someone that really bloody loves food.

(And possibly a wanker too).

Vegetarians should be prepared to buy and cook all of their own food. I realise that this is not going to be a popular view, btw.

When he found out that I was vegetarian he warned me that if you were a vegetarian for more than 10 years you would die.
I just read my mum this and she laughed (vegetarian for 73 years and counting).

I'm sure most of them do Teacher.

I've got many vegetarian and a few pro-lacto, pescitarian and vegan friends too.

It's really not hard to cater for people.

If you actually like people that is.

If you think everyone that has differing views from you is a cunt, then fuck 'em. Throw them out in the back garden with a few twigs to start a fire and a butternutfuckingsquash.

That'll learn 'em.

Bastards.

I am so suprised at these responses!! You are not being unreasonable at all. She would get what I had cooked and if that was unsatisfactory then she could cook for herself!! Those who have time to prepare a different dish for one person have too much time on their hands and I’m guessing do not work.

Ridiculous to say this mum is being unreasonable!!

You might as well argue that you can cook your dinner in lard and still be vegetarian.
That's not the same at all. By cooking in lard you're intentionally purchasing and using an animal product yourself. That's completely different to cooking vegetarian in with the meat that somebody else was already cooking for themselves. Imagine I marinated some pork. Then later decided since I also needed to marinate some tofu, so I would just put that into the same marinade in the dish. Tell me how I'm adding to meat consumption in this scenario, and how it's unethical? The amount of meat stays the same. The pork eaters eat the pork, the tofu eaters eat the tofu.