To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

Of course OP hasn't returned after the resounding Yabu.

YABVVVVU. My dh is a vegetarian and he has his own oven separate cooking utensils and separate microwave oven and uses a separate freezer. You just need to respect her choices. I manage to cook for me and three boys and then dh either cooks his own meal or I cook him his meal in his oven and remember to use his oven gloves not "meatified" ones as he calls them. Just wait until she wants extortionate pretend leather shoes and belts that are breathable ones from Brighton that cost about 3 times as much as proper leather ones. Also at least one day each week I make the whole family a veggie meal often cheesy past bake with blue cheese or cheese and tomato omelettes or homemade tomato soup. It is really not hard. Why not get her a couple of her own saucepans and show her how to cook her own meal.

If someone defines their own eating habits as vegetarian then that is what they are, regardless if you agree or not.

Wait, what?

So I can say 'I only eat steak once a week, I'm a vegetarian' and it's true because I've said so?

It's not vegetarian to eat dishes that have been cooked in meat juices. You can choose to do it because you find it convenient or don't want to offend your host or whatever. But it isn't vegetarian.

Yabu and I think that’s pretty mean of you to expect your daughter to eat like this.

Please support your daughter in her choice, it is easy to cater for both meat eaters and vegetarian on a daily basis.

I’m not even vegetarian but I wouldn’t serve that. As previous posters have said, surely cooking with meat and getting fat all over it defeats the purpose. Appreciate it must be a pain having to cook a separate dinner so I would get her to help out with it too.

YABVU.

I’m vegetarian and I certainly couldn’t bring myself to eat it

Omg!! Not RTFT but my jaw dropped reading the opening post 😳

YABVU imo.

I became veggie at 12. My mother wouldn’t do a separate meal for me, so I learned to cook my own meals. She knew I could cook basic food already so wasn’t worried I’d starve. She was hoping I’d get bored of cooking for myself.

28 years later I am still vegetarian.

Having had a dietitian weigh in on what I serve up when DS1 was poorly as a toddler, I know that why I serve up would fully meet the needs of anaemic person (whilst I didn’t RTFT I did pause as the green OP owner window whizzed by!) So it’s perfectly possible to do a family veggie day, if you so wished that is. I am guessing you don’t wish though.

IF you are gonna cook her food, cook it separate. Would it really have been so hard to have used a separate Pyrex dish with some of the tomato sauce and pasta? 🙄

As everyone most people have said YABU. We are a family of 4, dd1 and dh are omni I'm veggie and dd2 (only 3) is about 90% veggie. It's not hard to cook for everyone completely separately if having similar and it has to be separate. Like Oliversmummy I physically can't eat meat (or poultry, fish and crustaceans) and therefore the fluids from cooking them, including oil in fryers and cooked on same grill etc, last "sneaky" one (in a catering setting) put me in hospital.
Not all vegetarianism is fussiness but surely it really shouldn't matter why someone eats that way.

YABU: as unreasonable as the new colleague who I invited for a meal with several other new colleagues and who didn't think to tell me she was a vegetarain until she turned up for the meal.... and I had cooked a stew: vegetables in with the meat;
I am older now and don't eat much meat these days, but it was 20 years ago when vegetarians were a lot thinner on the ground. Surely if you don't eat something really mainstream- whether it be meat, lactose, cheese or gluten, the onus is on you to warn those cooking for you that you can't eat it?

Sorry, but you are being unreasonable. You are teaching her that her views don’t mean anything to you unless they conform to your ideals.
How hard would it have been to put her sauce on a separate pan before adding the meat/veggie balls?

I know home cooking is different to business cooking but if I did that at work and served it to a customer, I’d lose my job.

As a vegetarian of 25 years now, you are being very unreasonable I’m afraid. I too ate meat one day, then the next I didn’t and haven’t done for 2( years, so to say that she ate meat before this has no bearing I’m afraid. You can’t be vegetarian and eat from the same dish that has meat in it. She is totally right. When you mentioned your other daughter was having heavy periods and couldn’t possibly go meat free...vegetarians have heavy periods too...and there are plenty if vegetarian food that is actually richer in iron than meat.

I feel like the most extreme meat-eating veggie supporter in the world after reading this. I was brought up veggie, but eventually went over to the dark side of omnivore later on. The rest of the family stayed veggie. Whenever they come to stay, I scrub my oven, fridge, freezer & microwave, and make sure we have absolutely no meat in the house. I'll only prepare/cook veggie food whilst they're here, because I respect their moral choice. If we go out for a meal, I'll happily order meat & eat it in front of them, but I would never even consider cross-contaminating their food for a second. Likewise, if we stay with them, I would never expect them to even have meat, or any byproduct of it in their house.

Being veggie is actually ridiculously easy - perhaps more natural to me because I grew up as one, but it really isn't that much extra work. I'm not a veggie because I like meat too much, but probably only eat it once or twice a week.

Oh, and don't forget stock cubes. I only use vegetable ones. My dad once had to spit out a mouthful of soup after his hostess gaily said 'yes, it's the chicken stock that gives it that flavour' - and she knew he was a very strict vegetarian, and had been for years.

One of my meat-eating co-workers simply cannot fathom, no matter how many times it is explained, how you can get enough calcium without drinking milk or enough iron without eating red meat. Cutting out red meat doesn't trigger anaemia!

It really is astounding that given all the evidence of health issues, environmental impact, ethical consideration etc etc that some people are still aghast about going meat free for even a single meal!

I went veggie over 25 years ago age 11 and my mum helped me out in the kitchen by reworking some neat dishes but I also mainly started cooking for myself - without quorn etc. It’s really not needed for everyday cooking and those ‘meat’ alternatives are expensive and heavily manufactured.
Perhaps just try to guide her in the kitchen, fill up on veggies in a sauce etc it’s really not hard...and not necessarily a fad either!
I’m the only veggie in my family (husband and two children eat meat) but we all manage to eat well together!

I went vegetarian at about the same age for ethical reasons. Remained that way for several years until I fell pregnant and craved meat really badly. If my mother had cooked my food in the same dish as meat I would have had the same reaction. Many many years later I have recently become pescatarian again this time for health (weight) reasons as I was just not shifting the weight in two weeks I lost 3kgs and plan on staying pescatarian for that reason

YABU! I have been vegetarian since I was 12 years old and was completely horrified by your post. I have an ignorant mother like you too who refused to understand or respect my choice. As a result of that I cooked my own meals from the age of 12 and was made to feel like an outsider and like I was being awkward. 28 years on, I have proven being doubt that this was not just a teenage fad.

As a 35 year veggie having converted at 17, if someone did that to me I would be sooooo angry. You are so far in the wrong here that you have lost sight of what a decent thing she has done just because its a bit inconvenient to you. Grow some principles. And say sorry to your daughter.

Just wait until she wants extortionate pretend leather shoes and belts that are breathable ones from Brighton that cost about 3 times as much as proper leather ones

Utterly ridiculous.

You do know non leather belts and shoes outside of Brighton cost a fraction of the cost of leather ones.

Why would vegetarians have to go to the South Coast to get their footwear

I was chatting to a friends dh once.

When he found out that I was vegetarian he warned me that if you were a vegetarian for more than 10years you would die.

He was utterly convinced that anyone who went without meat for note than 10 years was really a secret meat eater.

There are some weird things people think about vegetarianism.

The op serves her eldest dd meat every day but it is obviously not working as her dd is still anaemic.

If it is not working why would she not try a vegetarian lifestyle

Fuuuuuuuuuuck - I've been veggie for almost 36 years!. I'm definitely living on borrowed time.

Same here😁

But we probably only survived this far because of the secret Big Macs we have been eating each day

OP hasn't said that her DD is refusing to cater for herself. She said the DD refused to eat the meal offered to her one night as it had been contaminated with meat. OP then asks if her DD is BU about that, and if DD should cook her own meals if she isn't going to be happy with meals contaminated with meat.
So please ease up on the DD - she hasn't (as far as we know) refused to cook her own food - she simply refused to eat one meal her mother cooked - quite rightly too.

Mother does seem to favour anaemic DD. Poor vegetarian DD. So easy to accommodate the vegetarian DD if you care to.

OP, I had horrific heavy periods. I gave up meat and dairy and am liberated from them.

Please do educate yourself as to the benefits of a whole-foods plant-based diet. nutritionfacts.org/ is an incredible resource. They have a cookbook too.

Hahaha
My parents have been vegetarian for 45 years

Just wait until she wants extortionate pretend leather shoes and belts that are breathable ones from Brighton that cost about 3 times as much as proper leather ones

Or go to Marks and Spencer’s. That’s where I get my non leather shoes from.