To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

I do wonder why some people have children. If you cant cook a basic meal for a vegetarian child then maybe you should think of adoption.

I agree that it sounds like you favour your older daughter. It would make sense to eat more vegetarian meals as a family - leafy vegetables are a great source of iron.

Why does being veggie make non veggies so very cross?
I've often wondered about this, best guess is that on some level the vegetarianism is seen as a judgement on their own moral choices? Even if said vegetarian has never made any comments about their own opinion. I get a lot of "I'm almost a vegetarian I only eat fish, chicken and the odd burger" type comments, which is annoying in its own way but not as bad as open hostility!

So one daughter gets all the meat she wants, and there's no way you'll change that because she's sometimes anaemic, even though you can get the same (if not more) iron from certains types of vegetables.

But the other daughter can get what she's given because she's just a vegetarian.

If this is a phase and nothing more than attention-seeking behaviour, I wonder why that is?

Does she eat fish as thats a good all round compromise too? My DSD does but i know not all veggies do

Just to be clear, vegetarians never eat fish. If your DSD does, then she is a pescatarian, rather than a vegetarian.

Don't mean to pick on your post at all, as you sound extremely reasonable, but so many people make assumptions that fish is vegetarian!

You're being unreasonable. I wouldn't eat food cooked with meat either.

I think that’s it @Iggi999 - I never even introduce the subject of vegetarianism and get real hostility all the time. I’ve always been vegetarian so it’s not something I’d think to talk about. I think people feel that heir morals are being judged so get defensive.

I don’t understand it, the only way it would ever impact on them is if we were splitting the bill in a restaurant, and my meal would slightly reduce the cost for them.

We were as a family big meat eaters, particularly DS2. DH and both DSs would be the first to make vegetarian jokes. You know the kind.
Then two years ago at 18 he decided to be vegetarian. I didn't want him to have to justify his decision or to feel he was inconvenient and I set to to learn how to cook veggie meals and to teach him - he already knew how to cook meat.
He's at uni now but when he's at home what works for us is doing a fully veggie meal 2 or 3 times a week and the rest of the time I make simple adjustments. If doing a Sunday roast I will pop in a shop bought nut roast for him and make a separate jug of veggie gravy.
I an very careful not to cross contaminate utensils even though he never asked me to.
I do think a little effort is required to ensure all nutritional elements are met by a veggie diet and DS fails on this score but then that's no different to most students I guess.The lack of iron is easily rectified.

When DP and I moved into our first flat one of the things I enjoyed the most was not having to think about flat mates cooking meat in my pans anymore.

I really couldn’t eat a half and half dish like you describe, OP. If I was cooking for someone with substitutions I’d just make them a separate one in a different dish. Do everything the same until adding the different ingredients into 2 dishes. If it’s just a pasta bake a single portion could go in any old bowl in the oven, couldn’t it?

Bit weird to force DD to cook because she's vegetarian if you're not going to expect other children to also chip in with the cooking.

Also, still no one has answered my question after 500 posts - what actual difference does it make to animals if I use the same spoon to mix my meat and your veggies.

I cannot stand fish, I wouldn't eat something cooked in the same dish or with the same utensils because the taste transfers.

I imagine vegetarians who do it for moral/ethical reasons still don't actually like the taste of meat on their vegetarian meal too....

Cook food separately, that's really respecting her vegetarianism.

But also, you can encourage your children to begin to cook for themselves. With choice comes responsibility.

I genuinely don't understand why some pp find it so annoying. As I said in an earlier post, both my DDs cooked for themselves once they became vegetarian, but that was because they're both terrific organisers, and throw themselves into things. I wouldn't have minded doing things now and again - as I'm sure I did, at exam times.

Who said I was annoyed? Not at all. I just feel that if you choose an alternative meal to the family main, that's completely acceptable. Have at it, I eat veggie myself during the week. But it's unreasonable to expect the whole family to then eat veggie too. I'd say the same of someone who decided they didn't eat another food.

Mind you the "who said I was annoyed?" isn't so much at you. I just feel that if you make a choice, great, but the responsiblity for that choice rests with the chooser.

Although I agree with exam times, I'd do the veggie cooking all the time then.

It may not make a difference to the animals, but it would make a difference to me. I choose not to eat flesh. I also choose not to have bodily fluids from animals in my food. I'm veggie, my kids aren't, nor is my ex husband. When they were growing up, they ate a mix of veggie and meat, and it really wasn't difficult to accommodate all of us.

Yes. Definitely. Your actions were thoughtless and ignorant. Don’t you realise all meals to be cooked separately. You have no respect for your daughter. You also are talk as if it is all too much trouble for you. I feel sorry for your daughter.

I agree. All you say is spot on.

No you can’t put her food in with meat but yes she can cook her own food. Simple all round

We are a family of four with 1 veggie. We all eat a mixture of meat (obviously not the veggie) and none meat meals, and we all cook for each other. It's really not a big issue unless you make it into one.

I think asking a 14year old to cook her own dinner every night is awful.

Yabu.

yabu its not veggie if its cooked with meat.

So do I, BR. I did my own sometimes voluntarily at that age but I wasn't obliged to.

Nothing wrong with her cooking a family meal once a week or so, though. Although I suspect the OP might insist she cooks meat.......