To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

@BertrandRussell
I would have my 14 year old cook for themselves only if I was doing something with meat mixed in like a casserole, a shepherds pie etc. That would only happen once or twice per week. Rest of the meals would be easy to accommodate - salads, jacket pots, anything where meat is on the side.

BertrandRussell
I find the anti vegetarian attitudes on Mumsnet very odd. It’s almost as if people take it as a personal affront.

I think that it has to do with the expectation that the OP (and others) are expected to change what they do to allow one person to do what they like.

I find the anti vegetarian attitudes on Mumsnet very odd. It’s almost as if people take it as a personal affront.

I think some people do take it as a personal affront. I think they perceive it as an implied criticism of their own food choices.

It doesn't really matter if the op is interested, it's still an interesting topic anyway.

Look why don't you compromise and say, "I'll cook your dishes completely vegetarian, if you're prepared to wash up the extra things I'm using to make it"

@BertrandRussell
So people would have a 14 year old cooking her own separate meals every night?

Yes! What's wrong with that?! I cooked my own from 12, it did me the world of good. I wasn't banished - I cooked and ate alongside everyone else.

Is it really an absurd and awful request for a parent to consider the dietary choices (reasonable and healthy choices of course) of their teenage children?

Thankfully my parents were happy to accommodate my selfish and awful request to be vegetarian at aged 14. They weren't too indulgent though, I had to be involved in meal planning and help with cooking. But we had to help with cooking etc anyway so no change there. And I had to agree to try a wider range of foods than I'd previously been used to, which seemed reasonable to me.

I went veggie same age as your Daughter for environmental reasons, still am 12 years later. I would eat it but then I am not a precious little snow flake. Plus I hate making extra washing-up unnecessarily.

If she wants it separate she should cook it her self.

You're also not actually being vegetarian, @HairsprayBabe, if you're happy to eat food that contains meat. Which is of course your choice, but to call others who are vegetarian "precious little snowflakes" is a weird bit of aggressive judgement.

I agree, the issue is not someone deciding to be vegetarian - it's the fact that someone deciding to be vegetarian has an effect for other people, the OP either has to cook two meals, or only eat meals that can easily accommodate her DDs dietary choice, or all go veggie.

If you don't live alone, then your choice to go vegetarian does have an effect on the others you live with, and if you are expecting someone else to prepare your meals, then it has a big effect on them.

And yes, I similarly would be annoyed if a member of the household went on a diet that didn't mean just eating smaller portions of the same food, but changing the way they ate. (I feel a particular rage at people who are incapable of showing self restraint when there's chocolate /crisps/cake in the house so don't let anyone have them either while they are dieting - ugh if you are old enough to go on a diet, just act like a grown up and not eat your kids crisps, rather than refuse to have them in the house.)

Why would anyone want crap in the house? Keeping crisps and chocolate and othe empty calorie food out of the house sounds eminently sensible to me.

It's quite astonishing to me that people aren't prepared to respect someone else's moral choices around food. It's not difficult to cater for a vegetarian, it doesn't involve lots of extra work, just a bit of thought. Vegans are a bit harder but not impossible.

Vegetarianism is fussiness, however it's fussiness with a moral reason, so should be tolerated, but it is still a choice not to eat certain foods, not because you can't eat them

Actually I can't eat meat. I don't digest it .

Before I went veggie 30+ years ago I was ill all the time. I would regularly be doubled over after a meal. I was anaemic and in a terrible way.

Going veggie was a test to see if it made a difference. It was like someone handing me my life. So many things I missed out on when I ate meat.

If the ops eldest DD is anaemic regularly despite eating meat at every meal might I suggest she too tries being vegetarian.

I have a DD and a ds 18 and 16 who have never eaten meat in their lives
Neither has ever been anaemic.

Also I was warned that if I brought my DC up as vegetarian it would stunt their growth.

DD is one of those super tall models and ds is heading for 6ft 2" so if that is stunted development then not too sure how tall they would have been if they had eaten meat.

I don't eat physical pieces of meat or meat products - not I don't eat anything that may have touched meat ever... I would never expect anyone to go out of their way to create a whole new dish just for me when it can be done in a way that is easier for the host. Anything above that is so entitled.

If someone defines their own eating habits as vegetarian then that is what they are, regardless if you agree or not.

YABU. I’m veggie and no way on God’s Earth would I eat this, it’s been cross contaminated with the meat and isn’t veggie any more. Just like I wouldn’t cook a gluten free meal for my coeliac partner in the same pan as I cooked my gluten meal.

OP - AIBU to expect my vegetarian daughter to eat vegetarian food that's been cooked in meat juices?

99% of responders - yes, YABVVU

OP - nah, I'm not like

🤣

And yes, OP you clearly have a favoured DC 😳

I find the anti vegetarian attitudes on Mumsnet very odd. It’s almost as if people take it as a personal affront.

I agree with you @BertrandRussell it's very odd!

It's also the assumption that every vegetarian chooses not to eat meat on moral grounds, this simply isn't the case! My SIL has been vegetarian from a child as she simply cannot bring herself to eat meat. She says it's the texture and knowing that it used to be alive that makes her wretch. She couldn't give a fig about the morality or otherwise of killing animals for food or anything else.

She absolutely definitely would not eat anything cooked in meat juices.

I'm a huge lover of meat but we only have it in 50% of our meals, I'm sitting here howling at the posters so clearly affronted at the suggestion that there is such a thing as a delicious meal without any meat 🤣🤣

So people would have a 14 year old cooking her own separate meals every night?

Mumsnet says yes. It's awful. I don't understand why people are like that.

@Abergavenny you've been given lots of good suggestions on this thread including:

1. having some nights meat free for the whole family

2. on nights you're doing meat put DDs in a separate cooking dish and encourage her to help clean the extra dishes

3. encourage her to cook her self if she doesn't want to eat what you are having, potentially batch cooking and freezing?

4. supplementing both DDs iron intake by other means - spatone (which I use, it's fab) or beans/pulses etc

I'd say if you did a combination of all of the above your whole family would be healthier and all needs/wants accommodated.

I wouldn't cook her separate meals. I'd let her cook (and clean up) for herself or eat the same as the rest of the family. She may change her mind in a few months anyway!

I think if teenagers want to become veggie they either need to put the effort into cooking their own meals or wait until they leave home.

*So people would have a 14 year old cooking her own separate meals every night?

Mumsnet says yes. It's awful. I don't understand why people are like that.*

When I was a teen I was a pretty bloody fussy eater.

I always home before my parents, my mum would leave a note saying what she was making for tea when she got home and my choice was simple, eat what she was making for the family meal or make my own but be finished and have the kitchen squared away before she got in so that I wasn't in the way.

But it was an OPTION not something forced on me as some MNers would have

I’m a very very unprecious veggie, will eat Parmesan if someone’s made me something with it in etc, but I’d not eat that.
YABU

And of all the meals to use as an example, the one in the OP is probably one of the easiest to cook veggie and non veggie versions of........

I think that it has to do with the expectation that the OP (and others) are expected to change what they do to allow one person to do what they like.

Absolutely. As far as I'm concerned, there's a family meal provided. If you don't want to eat it, you sort your own and I am happy to help you with the logistics of that. I don't agree with passing the workload of your choice onto someone else.

But if I am making a family meal, I take into account likes and dislikes and cook accordingly. Why would I refuse to do the same if it’s an ethical choice?

For sure, I'd do that for some meals. But I wouldn't let her choice to not eat meat then dictate that every family meal isn't including meat. Some veggie family meals, and then she can sort herself out for others.

I think she is being unreasonable.

It's her choice not to eat meat but it makes no difference if it's in the same pan as meat, surely? It's hardly going to bring the cow back to life.