To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

Quorn is horrible and only someone who has only ever eaten shit meat would ever think it tastes the same.

Quite. It's processed shite, scrapings off the factory floor with good PR as a "health food". Why any vegetarian or health conscious person would entertain it beats me - why do you want fake meat? Loads of stuff you can eat without resorting to "texturised vegetable protein".

Scrapings off the factory floor? FFS.

I don't like it, and don't buy it, because it has (or had) non-free-range-egg in it. But it's about convenience - the same reason that meat-eaters buy sausages or burgers. Why shouldn't vegetarians want convenience, just like meat-eaters do? I quite often have Linda McCartney sausages (much nicer than Quorn ones) because they're handy to have in the freezer.

YANBU. when she is old enough to make / cook her own food she is old enough to make a lifestyle choice. Until then you are not the household chef.

Of course she wouldn't eat it!

But at 14 she should cook her own - I went veggie at 12 and did all my own meals pretty much (did my own shopping list which my mum then got when she went).

I'm not veggie now (I was for about 13 years) but I still respect the choice.

Eating less meat won't harm the rest of the family, no.

But they might want to eat meat. I certainly wouldn't start eating veggie meals just because one of my family was veggie. I enjoy eating meat with most meals, why should I have to change the way I eat?

I would certainly respect my DC's wishes not to eat meat and I would make sure that they had suitable meals but there's no way I would start eating more veggie stuff myself. I don't bloody want to.

You are bonkers. That's like giving her gravy from a meat casserole and saying "there's no meat in it"

Even though vegetarians are actually doing a nice thing, a general reaction to someone telling you they're a vegetarian is an inside eye roll.
I think it's because of the nonsense hysteria they tend to bring with them (generalisation I know) - 'ahhh, don't touch my vegetables with a spoon used for stirring meat, ahhhh, redo, ahhhh, panic, ahhh, can't eat that.'
Just stop it. It's lovely you want to eat less meat, great, brilliant. Just stop the nonsense.

I see where she is coming from as the juicy from the meat will be in her veg balls therefore she may as well have the meat.
It must be frustrating for you too though as your 14 year old has eaten it for all of her life.

It's new to both of you do I think she needs to be a bit more understanding and maybe say Mom I'll help you with mine?

I would t have eaten that when I was veggie either, sorry.

Tins and packets of pulses are convenience food and not processed pretend food. There are also things like frozen veggie burgers, Glamorgan sausages etc in all good supermarkets if you want convenience. There is no need for Quorn.

I turned veggie at 14 and I am still veggie - I would be horrified at what you did. I started cooking for myself and even got myself new plates/pans so less cross contamination. I would always do my washing up separate and rarely ate with family at the table after that. I wouldn't eat with something dead directly on he table. Caused a lot of issues as my family were against but I've now been a veggie longer than I ever was a meat eater.

@arethereanyleftatall

Even though vegetarians are actually doing a nice thing, a general reaction to someone telling you they're a vegetarian is an inside eye roll.

I'm amazed at the intolerance in this thread. I went meat-free only a few years ago, and I'm a bit half-arsed (if I'm visiting I don't object to gravy that was made from the roast) but I never eye-rolled if I met a 'proper' vegetarian. Do you roll your eyes when you meet someone who's dieting? Why is so much anger reserved for people who dare to hold a different opinion to you as regards animals?

Not wanting to be made think about the cruelty involved in meat-production, IMO. So the anger is turned towards anyone who might make you feel a bit guilty.

Why should one DD be forced to eat a diet that doesn't nourish her adequately in order for her sister to have a diet she prefers? Because eating meat 7x times a week, especially if any of it is processed, is directly against WHO advice on healthy diets as it carries a cancer risk.

It suggests an ignorance of other sources of iron, which when eaten with Vitamin C rich food like green leafy vegetables/salad can be absorbed better.

People are mentioning supplementation as even with iron-rich meaty diets, many people still can't absorb iron very well and have low iron stores and the usual treatment from the doctor is to take iron tablets as well as increasing dietary sources of iron (and Vit C).

Claiming a medical reason for eating meat with every single main meal is demonstrably false according to the evidence, whereas eating vegetarian or vegan meals has lots of evidence to support it (I say this not as a vegetarian/vegan, but I do believe those types of meals to have a far lesser environmental footprint and be basically healthier as you eat more cancer protective foods too, as well as the animal welfare issue). I've stopped eating shitty bacon which pours water and is preserved in nitrates for example, as that has a poor risk profile.

I know a guy whose family refused to let him be a veggie until he left home, he ended up leaving at 17 and has been a veggie ever since (now 57). Just because young, doesn't mean we dont know our own minds.

@Bettyfood

Tins and packets of pulses are convenience food

Not for me, they're not.

There are also things like frozen veggie burgers

I don't like them.

There is no need for Quorn.

I don't like it, but other people are entitled to use it if they want to. Particularly for a youngster who's just trying to get to grips with eating a meat-free diet.

YABU for expecting her to eat food cooked with meat but your DD is BU for expecting you to cook and plan all her meals.

My sister also turned vegetarian in her teens (she is now 45 so was a long time ago and she is still veggy). My mum was fine with it but said she would still cook the meals she and the rest of the family want to eat so my sister was left to sort herself out. She researched everything (pre internet) to do with turning vegetarian, cooked all her meals made sure her substitutions for meat where nutritious etc. If your daughter is serious about this she needs to figure it out and plan her own meals, obviously you will still shop for her but she needs to let you know what to buy and prepare her own food.

I find the anti vegetarian attitudes on Mumsnet very odd. It’s almost as if people take it as a personal affront.

@Juells
No, I don't feel guilty. I only eat small amounts of high welfare meat, have my own chickens for eggs, use little plastic, etc, so I'm happy with my contribution. Especially because I don't think it would be a good thing for bio-diversity if everyone went veggie.
I have a far higher regard for animals than
one complete and utter pita vegetarian I know, who doesn't remotely do it because of animal concern, but rather attention.
I, unfairly, project and think of her every time a thread on vegetarians comes up.

You are being very unreasonable, why on earth would you cook it in the same pan? it will be cross contaminated. Think of it this way if you don't understand how it works - Would you give someone with a food allergy a meal you have cooked in the same pan as the allergen in question? I don't think so.

At 14 she should be able to cook her own meals, maybe if you got her involved in the cooking side of things you both may find it a bit easier and more enjoyable.

I'm not a veggie but I have plenty of Veggie and Vegan Friends and we all cook meals together regularly with no issues.

YABU. I don't know any vegetarians who would eat something cooked in the same pan as mear.
Also vegetarians can have a completely nutritious diet you do not need meat for that.. In fact eating a lot or meat isn't good for you.

I was the vegetarian 14 yo in a family of meat eaters about 90 years ago (well in the 1990s anyway)

My mum agreed to cook 2 veggie meals a week (though she would usually dispatched a side dish of bacon) and I cooked for myself the rest of the week - I batch-cooked at the weekend.

Your dd is not being unreasonable to not want her food from the same dish as meat. The sauces will have intermingled. It is not hard to put a second dish in the oven surely? If you are going to cook for her do it properly, but get her to do the bulk of the veggie cooking - she doesn't have servants.

At the risk of repeating everyone else - she's old enough to cook her own meals if she complains about the ones you cook.

But... YABU to cook her something in meat juices.

So people would have a 14 year old cooking her own separate meals every night?

Yanbu. If she doesn't like it tell her to cook her own meals. She's not living in a restaurant. You don't need to cook different meals for her just because she's chosen not to eat meat.

BertrandRussell there are some people who would make their teen children cook their own food every night as they are not running a restaurant, do their own washing because they are not a laundry services/hotel and not give them lifts anywhere because they are not a taxi service.

In the real world, most people want to get on well with their teens, and develop mutual respect, so do some of those activities, in exchange for their teens increasingly taking on more responsibility (e.g. walking more often, cooking occasionally) and with the understanding it is a greater effort and might require appreciation/participation/times when it can't be done and for the teen to step up.

It's very black and white and I just don't know people like this in real life!

Guys do we still think the OP is that interested? She's been back on once to type a few lines.