To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

Bollocks to my inner pedantic they're!

You don't need a vegan cheese substitute instead of Parmesan. Sainsbury's, and no doubt other supermarkets/shops, do a vegetarian hard cheese that can be used where Parmesan is called for

convince my veg kid that something else i've provided that isn't the specific thing she asked for but is the closest i could obtain is a suitable substitute and i'll take your word for this :)

@iwishicouldbelikedavidwatts I really don't think i understand what you mean, sorry.

No no no.. I am a staunch veggie. When I get a takeaway I make sure they aren't cooking the chips in the same fat as the meat burgers. This wouldn't be acceptable to me. I started off life as a meat eater. Your Dd is old enough to make her own decisions. Maybe teach her to cook some meals or help you with it. You never know... you might like some veggie dishes & so might the rest of the family

YABU. It’s not difficult to put a spoonful of tomato sauce in a different oven dish.
I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 12. My parents respected my decision but expected me to prepare my own meals if I wanted to eat differently to everyone else. I’d already been taught how to cook basic family meals so it wasn’t really an issue.
Once they realised that I was serious about it more often than not family meals were adapted for me automatically. They would never cross contaminate.

DH isn’t a vegetarian, nor are our teenage DC (I wanted them to make their own decision) but I cook meat for them regularly. I don’t consider it a faff. With a little bit of thought most meals can be easily adapted to include them, for example potatoes are roasted separate to meat, sauces are made and divided in to two for the addition of chicken.
They all show me the same respect when preparing my meals.

As usual, I shall be glad when half term is over.
Eleven pages in and no sign of op...

@AssassinatedBeauty perhaps i'm being more opaque than i realise.

i'm responding to your posts saying "but why such a problem to xyz?" with concrete reasons why xyz are difficult in my personal situation (as i'm unable to speak for anyone else)

i find it hard to understand that you can participate in a community as broad as mumsnet without understanding that other people and their children may live with very specific needs that don't affect you. and that sweeping generalisations are rarely helpful.

TattyFrench The bird’s life is irrelevant to the taste. When it gets to my plate, it tastes amazing. That’s what is so great about it, which answers your original question.

eta: apart from the fact that teenage daughters are by definition being unreasonable ;)

being a vegetarian I would not have eaten that either.
If it was something dry where juices can’t mix/run then maybe so YABU

Oops sorry, went to make a cup of tea and completely forgot about this thread.

To answer a few questions...

She says she’s a vegetarian because she thinks the world should eat less meat, nothing to do with the taste.

And having family veggie days is a no go I’m afraid as my older dd is frequently anaemic from heavy periods so there’s no way I’m going to reduce her meat consumption to suit dd2.

no, I’d not eat that. I became veggie at 11 and I’m still veggie 30+ years later.

It’s not unreasonable to ask her to cook for herself or at least help more with meals, but I’d want to make sure she gets a balanced diet. It’s pretty easy to not get enough protein, for example, as a new veggie. I used to eat shed loads of cheese for my protein, but that has its drawbacks!

Eat more veggie sources of iron?

WhatToDoAboutWailmer "the bird's life is irrelevant to the taste".

That's a very depressing sentence and a good marker of where we're up to in terms of humanity. Thanks for the reality check.

Although red and processed meat is probably the best source of iron, presumably you don't eat it 7 days a week (given WHO recommendations that it may cause cancer, especially bowel cancer).

www.wcrf-uk.org/uk/preventing-cancer/cancer-prevention-recommendations/limit-red-meat-and-avoid-processed-meat

Lots of vegetables have high iron- chickpeas, beans, spinach, the skins of jacket potatoes, also eggs have iron in them.

www.bda.uk.com/foodfacts/iron_food_fact_sheet.pdf

You can also supplement iron naturally if you are genuinely concerned (e.g. Spatone)- better than eating tonnes of processed meat as a way of gaining iron.

A few veggie meals high in iron a week would probably be a good thing, health-wise.

Yabu. It's not difficult to cook for a vegetarian family member. Just use a different pan/dish and utensils. A bit more washing up but not loads. I always do a veggie option along with our family meal - I often prefer it. You could easily have done this particular dish - one pan of sauce, 2 separate dishes and then added the meat once separated.
For all those saying she can cook for herself it's a bit mean if you are cooking a family meal to expect 1 person to do their own just because they don't eat meat. Does she also have to eat at different times aswell?

Why is teaching a child that their moral choices often come at a cost to them (in this case, time and effort) such a bad thing? And frankly, if a 14 year old cannot cook themselves a meal then its time they damn well learned!

She's old enough to cook herself but YABU and harsh not respecting her choices. It's not precious, she has made a choice and you should be proud of her for it not treating her as an inconvenience.

Well, from your post of ten mins ago, you did what she wanted of 'wanting the world to eat less meat.' You cooked less meat.

Abergevenny - even if she is has turned veggie because she wants the world to eat less meat (and so herself too then!) she's still made the choice to go vegetarian.
That's her choice.
You can't just whop a few veggie meatballs at the end of a meat dish and say "what are you on about, that end is a veggie dish you fussy git!"
It really, really isn't.
I say this as a meat eater!
I hear you about iron, but nobody's forcing your other dd to go veggie, are they? She'll still have her meat.
There's plenty of veggie options for iron out there too such as chickpeas and green leafy veg such as spinach.
You don't need meat at every single meal to get iron.

Why is teaching a child that their moral choices often come at a cost to them (in this case, time and effort) such a bad thing? And frankly, if a 14 year old cannot cook themselves a meal then its time they damn well learned!

quite.

i may fail in the realms of domestic godessicity in terms of how many mutually-exclusive dishes i'm able to prepare in one kitchen in the timescale of one family tea, but it turns out that given adequate provisions (my weekly food shop) my eldest can turn out a veggie tea-for-four (with roped-in assistance from the other 2 functioning family members) when i'm temporarily out of play because i just learned how ill my mum is.

that she's able and willing to do so, despite an upcoming assessment that may well have her diagnosed with an autistic spectrum condition makes me feel i might have laid the ground rules okay on this occasion.

YABU.

Yet, so is she, at 14 she needs to contribute to the family meals and cook her own meals which you can all eat, why should you have the extra work?

Best to teach her now about balanced meals without meat.

I find vegetarians really tedious, I've never had a decent meal from one ever. Tomato pasta..... yezzzzzz thanks. I've made huge efforts to accommodate your diet and get....tomato pasta.

You would eat well at my house Moffat

summerinrome

FFS show some respect

the same respect on here that says all must change for the one?

She is establishing herself as an independent thinker

But not so independent that she has to actually put any effort in to her beliefs?

I became veggie at 11 ( stayed like that for 20 years) my mum said that was fine but I had to cook myself. Made nearly all my own food from that age. At 14 your DD should cook herself if she wanted something different to everyone else. But if you are cooking. Don’t cook her food in same dish. It will have meat juices in it