Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another holiday/in laws one - at my wits end!

155 replies

mmmgoats · 31/05/2018 11:46

Have name changed for this so I don’t get outed.

DH and I have booked a luxury all inclusive in Crete just to the two of us. Swim up pool room, lovely suite etc - we have had a tough year or so and really wanted to treat ourselves.

We went to a bbq at the in laws over the bank holiday and DH was telling them about the place, showing them pics etc. MIL and FIL were really impressed and started saying how they would love to go somewhere like that and might look at booking too. So DH suggests they come at the same time! I tried to say it was supposed to be a break just for us and DH basically said oh it will be we can just meet up for dinner etc occasionally.

Since then SIL and BIL have decided that if MIL and FIL are coming then so will they! MIL was disappointed that they couldn’t get a swim up room like ours ns DH was deliberating giving ours to them!!
I said absolutely not, it’s bad enough that our break for two has become a family holiday - and I know it won’t just be dinner meet ups, they are already making all the plans to do things together every day and sign up to activities and stuff.

I told DH more than once that I’m not happy about it and don’t want to go any more as it’s going to be a completely different holiday to the one I was looking forward to and he thinks IABVU and shouldn’t dictate where other people can or can’t go on holiday.

what would you do??? AIBU??

OP posts:
Original poster
mmmgoats · 31/05/2018 11:47

oh and I do get on really well with all my in laws and have been on holiday with them before and it was great - but that isn’t what this one was supposed to be

OP posts:
AllMYSmellySocks · 31/05/2018 11:47

YANBU I'd be massively pissed off with DH!

chickenowner · 31/05/2018 11:48

What a nightmare!

Have your PIL already booked?

Heroo · 31/05/2018 11:51

OMG I would be reading DH the riot act! Unbelievable.

moreismore · 31/05/2018 11:51

Yeah, this is not ok and I’m not really sure why he isn’t hearing you when you tell him that??

Original poster
mmmgoats · 31/05/2018 11:51

@chickenowner yes they have. The only upside is they couldn’t get the same kind of room as us so are on the other side of the complex - I could not believe it when DH was considering giving them our room.

I think I have a DH problem more than an in laws problem to be honest but I can’t believe they still went ahead and booked when it was quite obvious I wasn’t happy with the idea from the original conversation where it got brought up.

OP posts:
Heroo · 31/05/2018 11:52

Can you readjust your expectations?

This on is a fun 'with the fam' holiday, and you and DH book another one just the two of you?

FASH84 · 31/05/2018 11:53

I'm a really social person so would love this, DH prefers some time without other people (I don't count in that respect). We all went away earlier this year, DM DF, DB SIL DN MIL FIL and two of our best friends. It was fab. He might not perspective take well so thinks because he'll be fine you will too. We did all do our own things on some days and some nights too though, just make sure you get some alone time. Crete is wonderful hire a car explore a bit, read the island by Victoria Hislop then go to spinalonga it's brilliant.

cheesydoesit · 31/05/2018 11:53

I can't believe he was going to give your room away!!

Leeds2 · 31/05/2018 11:54

I would be really cross if DH made this suggestion without discussing it with me first. Fine if you are happy to go away with the in laws, but if it changes the holiday dynamic -which it will - that is not a decision he should make by himself.

Ohmydayslove · 31/05/2018 11:55

Oh my love I know exactly how you feel. My dh is one of a big family and we booked a holiday way back as a couple aged 19.. I was amazed to get to the hotel and find his parents there with his 3 sisters and partners camping in the field next door!!!! And we all get on but dh was bemused I was annoyed.

Ff 30 years and 6 kids of our own we do sometimes have extended breaks but only those wanting to come and knowing who is going come.

What your dh has done is completejy thoughtless and stupid. Of course he should have seen what could happen and nip it in the bud.

Do not change your room and I think it will be difficult to avoid them during the day but plan meals and evenings away?

I really feel for you. You don’t want to cause a family rift but it’s not the holiday you wanted is it and very stupid of your dh to not see that. Flowers

ChasedByBees · 31/05/2018 11:56

I guess they’re coming now and you won’t be able to cancel without large penalties? In which case, it’s making the best of a bad situation.

I would ask your DH when you will be able to have time for the two of you and your original plans. If he is arranging time with his family, you don’t have to go. Enjoy your swim up pool and a book.

Namechangemum100 · 31/05/2018 11:57

Yanbu...your husband has been a tit.
Tbh in your situation I would try to make best of the situation and still enjoy the holiday, but I would also make it clear that seen as you were looking forward to a romantic break just the 2 of you, that you will still be expecting to do this this year, and he best get organising!

fuzzywuzzy · 31/05/2018 11:58

I would point blank refuse to do activities together if I didn’t want to.

I’d be utterly furious at DP if he did that.

Do you still want to go?

I think if I couldn’t stand this idea I’d cancel.

Does your husband not want to spend time alone with you?

Racecardriver · 31/05/2018 11:59

I would be gutted in your place. I know it is really disappointing but you can still enjoy the holiday. Maybe consider getting g DH his own room though. If my DH did that I pro ably wouldn't want to see him much on hiday

pasturesgreen · 31/05/2018 11:59

I'd be royally pissed off, and would make sure he knew. Also, I wouldn't forget in a hurry.

Can you cancel at all?

fuzzywuzzy · 31/05/2018 12:00

Would your DH be thrilled if you invited your entire family along?

BluebellCockleshell123 · 31/05/2018 12:05

OMG - I can't believe he made this decision without discussing it with you first! Or that they have booked to come despite knowing you weren't keen.

This will be a totally different type of holiday from what you were expecting and in your shoes I would be massively pissed off.

I get on really well with my family and my inlaws and we go away with extended family every couple of years. However, it is all agreed in advance and we make sure everyone is on board before booking.

How would your DH feel if you had unilaterally allowed your family to crash his holiday?

If there is no option for anyone cancelling then I would just make the best of it for family harmony. But make it clear to your DH that this NEVER happens again without discussion between you first.

CookPassBabtridge · 31/05/2018 12:05

This is terrible. After reading the other thread, what on earth is wrong with these men who 1) don't seem to want to spend time alone with their wife
2) put parents above wife
3) don't care about making wife unhappy and uncomfortable

ShatnersWig · 31/05/2018 12:05

he thinks IABVU and shouldn’t dictate where other people can or can’t go on holiday

Says the man who suggests to his parents that they should go with you.

Bad enough he more or less invited them along but to then consider giving them your room.

I would be fucking livid about this.

Fairenuff · 31/05/2018 12:11

I wouldn't go. You can't control his behaviour but you can control yours. He would then have to choose to either a) go on holiday with his family but without you or b) not go on holiday with his family but be with you.

What he decides to do will determine what you decide to do about it.

I certainly wouldn't be bullied by him into an arrangement that I specifically did not want.

LagunaBubbles · 31/05/2018 12:11

I dont mind going on holiday if other family members are going to be there but the issue is he didnt ask you! My DH wouldnt do this, thats the bit I cant get my head round that he never asked you first!

BluebellCockleshell123 · 31/05/2018 12:12

Oh and if he says that people shouldn't be able to dictate where other people can or can't go on holiday then he won't mind you not going with them and going somewhere else.

keyboardkate · 31/05/2018 12:13

I blame the people who "invade" other people's well thought out and planned personal holidays. The bloody nerve of them, it is thoughtless in the extreme IMV.

I'm afraid if it happened to me I would cancel and re book elsewhere. There is nothing worse than having to be "HI de HI" on a private holiday, especially with people that you would not spend more than a day with generally.

DarlingNikita · 31/05/2018 12:13

Fuck. He's an idiot and this is outrageous. Does he have no idea what a holiday for just the two of you means?

I'd be tempted to cancel it in a massive strop, but I know you a) need a holiday and b) would presumably lose a lot of money on it.

Next best thing: you say to him now you will meet for dinner once while you're there (first night?) but apart from that as far as you're concerned it's your and DH's holiday.

This on is a fun 'with the fam' holiday, and you and DH book another one just the two of you?

Nice idea, but as the OP has just spent (I assume) a lot of money on this, the next one might be either a bank-breaker or a long time off...