To think my friend just needs to say no to her kids?

[reddblackandblue]

I have been very close to my friend for years. She is genuinely a lovely, lovely person. Too lovely.

She’s always been very into ‘gentle’ parenting but ever since her eldest turned two, she has had these screaming tantrums that last half an hour or more and no one can do anything during this period except sit and wait for the child to exhaust herself into sleep.

Obviously, I thought this was normal so waited it out. Child turned three, four and five and still has tantrums and screams when she doesn’t get her own way. The younger child who isn’t now three is exactly the same.

I think my friend just can’t say ‘no.’ Even when something is obviously impractical or dangerous she will sit around for ages reasoning with them rather than saying no. This has meant us all standing by a busy road while the children scream, standing outside the car waiting to get in as the kids won’t get in their car seats, waiting around exhausted at midnight as the kids rampage around.

Now she’s expecting another.

Aibu in just not wanting to be around her any more? I absolutely love her. The kids? I can’t stand them!

Difficult - I have sympathy. . I had a friend who would invariably give in to whatever her dd (until at least about 7 or 8) wanted if she screamed and roared enough. It could go on for 20 minutes. And once my friend had given in, the noise would stop instantly, to be replaced by a triumphant beam. The child knew exactly how to 'play' her mother.,

Whenever both our dds had been playing up, and some sanction had been imposed, some treat withheld, this would happen. Friend would give in, I wouldn't, and unsurprisingly my own dd found it very unfair. It did drive me mad at the time, but we're still friends decades later.

Same sort of friend. She is utterly lovely, so kind, supportive and would do anything for anyone, but her kids just run around her, are very rude, badly behaved, obnoxious, just bloody unpleasant and she does nothing to correct them. I'm all for reasoning with a child but when you can quite clearly see they are just being vile & nasty to either her, us, or other kids it's not on that she doesn't ever say anything to teach them manners or respect or just plain kindness! It's got to point where mine don't want to see or play with her kids, and I go out of my way to avoid them! I hate it, but what can I do? It's not for me to tell anyone else how to parent, God knows I'm not perfect at it myself.