DH prioritising friends over family holiday

[Beeperbird]

We don’t have a huge amount of money at the moment and my dad & step mum have kindly paid for us all to go on a UK family holiday for a week later on in June. We’ve got a 2 yr old so I think mostly they are looking forward to spending time with him as they don’t live close by.
Dates were booked and confirmed a while ago and the holiday is Fri-Fri.
A week after the holiday was booked, DH announced that he wanted to save some holiday days for later in the year (Ok, I get that there are other things we want to do at Christmas and he doesn’t have a huge amount of holiday). So we agreed DH would just come with us Fri - Wed.
A couple of weeks after that he said he forgot he’s got an important rugby match on the Friday eve so we agreed he would come on the holiday Sat - Wed.
Last night he said his friends are doing their annual 15 mile / 15 pub walk on the Saturday, and he’ll have a hangover afterwards so said he wants to come on the holiday Sun eve - Wed.
that’s when I had a mini meltdown! It’s only 3 friends doing the walk this year, and it’s only them (not a big organised thing) so my argument is that they can just move the date rather than shave yet another day off the holiday that my parents have paid for! But apparently not as it needs to be in June (who knows why!) and that’s the only date the others can do.
Maybe I’m being unreasonable as I’m tired!
So... thoughts? I feel like telling him to just sod the whole holiday and not come at all!

Christ what a selfish prick. Who cares if he doesn't like holidays, it's for your son you dickhead.

1. Rugby season is OVER!
2. seems suspicious, i'd call his bluff and say you've moved the dates to see how he reacts.

You know. OP., I'm in the minority, but i liked holidays without dh when dc were small. Less stress and he missed us.

I used to go to mother's house for a week and he would join for a few days the next week.

Unless he's a cheater, or a dishonorable character, i'ld take it easy on him.

For us, it was less stress and husbands/ fathers of young children aren't as child oriented at the young age stage.

Don't bother to yell at me. It was true for my marriage and it's 3 decades old. No, it isn't fair, but yes, it worked and we were all happy. I'm my parent's child and when they were alive, I liked occasionally being a child as a grown up. Not possible with dh around. Dh had time to drink, scratch, eat poorly and realize house was too quiet.

He was always VERY happy to be reunited. Breaks can be good.

OP your dh sounds incredibly selfish and not at all invested in his dw and child. If money is so tight at the moment how can you agree to him going on the piss at 15 pubs no less, no doubt they will be starving hungry so eat out as well. My dh is an ex rugby player and I am sure you must know rugby playing goes hand in hand with all evening piss ups after the game. It sounds as if his two piss buddies are putting their families first and can only attend on dates to suit their families. Your dh needs to wake up to himself. Your parents have been extremely generous towards you and your dh is making himself look like a cf. He is letting you and your parents down. My dh would never put piss buddies before his family. I would be very tempted to tell him either he comes from Fri-Wed or you go alone with your parents and he stays at home and babysits his child. I would tell him he really needs to grow up and step up to the mark of being a parent.

Every bloody time on here you get people "oh this sounds suspicious" "could he be having an affair" ffs not every man is having an affair. He wants to go to rugby. As has been said numerous times rugby league isnt. Id rather go on a 15 mile walk with 15 pubs with friends and then spend the sunday to wednesday with in laws. Its not the op he doesnt want to spend time with. He lives with her and their son and in his mind its the perfect time to do it whilst she is away with inlaws to help with their ds since shes pregnant rather than leaving her a full day another time when shes at home.

Rugby? In June? He’s ‘avin a laff

He is having a bachelor time-out and you will be stuck minding the children and managing a three generation weekend. I would go on strike myself and say if I wasn't getting back up on the holiday I wasn’t going.

Abbylee I totally agree it's good to have separate breaks from your partner sometimes. But this isn't just about that. It's about being a reliable and committed partner and parent. He's agreed to one course of action and now trying to back out of it. And as for men not being 'oriented to young kids' - he shouldn't have kids then. We as women don't get to choose which kids life stages we are oriented too. We just get on with it and provide parenting for every stage of their childhood. We don't get to pick and choose.

"Does things around the house for me"....Nnnoooooooo!! It's his house too, he lives there, he uses things, he is a husband and father.

and husbands/ fathers of young children aren't as child oriented at the young age stage.

What a load of....

You can’t generalise just from your experience.

Mine was hands on and involved from the start.

fathers of young children aren't as child oriented at the young age stage.

Only if you had children with a crap father. f you want children, you put in equal effort with them.

It's seems like he has enough money for himself to do things just not for the whole family. Every time he spends money doing things like going to gigs and drinking you need to have the same amount of money given to you to do what you want to do. That way he'll realise how much he's spending and why there's not enough money for holidays.

Thanks everyone.
I know the rugby & pub walk are real things - we went to my godsons birthday party at the weekend and the 3 of them were talking about it, the other partners and kiddies are going to meet them for lunch at one of the pubs halfway. I’ve been on this pub walk myself in previous years. Oh and it is rugby league for those that were suspicious!
He can be selfish & really doesn’t think about the consequences of his actions/decisions but I don’t think he’s lying or cheating

And the thing I was majorly pissed off about was agreeing to something, letting my dad pay and then essentially backing out when he got what he considered were better offers.

I would be raging! He's being an arse and sounds like he doesn't want to go. If it was me (and it does sound like my life) I would tell him not to bother and not attend any of his family things next time (fake an illness so he can take your 2yo and you can stay at home). It's petty I know but it's a two way street and if these things are as important as he says they are I'm surprised he didn't remember before this point!
I had a family vs DH kind of weekend - so I have zero tolerance for this at the moment

I'd go on my own with the kids, and spend quality time with parents. They won't always be there providing times like this. Rather that any day than having him winging every five minutes! He can stay at home.

two years into a marriage.or kids I cant imagine my parents ever being so seperatr with things.maybe its different times now and many partners do things separately.but whe you a family I think things are then done as a family.you don't have separate holidays away from eacohter.or not as a rule anyway.obviously there might be the odd exception. but I can never imagine my mum or dad not going on holiday with us.

It looks as if he agreed to make sure you were gone so he could have time alone. He is having value holiday from the family.

A holiday , not value holiday

I'd tell him not to bother coming at all, because I was pissed off with him.

Think I'd be pissed off if I'd been kind enough to pay for a family holiday for my daughters cash-strapped family and then the ungrateful SIL has other plans with mates more important than spending time with my daughter and the kids! His 'plans' sound potentially expensive to me. Hmm...I'd be kicking someone's arse about it.

RUGBY SEASON IS NOT OVER FFS WHY ARE YOU SO ADAMANT WHEN YOU ARE SO OBVIOUSLY WRONG