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Original poster

DH prioritising friends over family holiday

172 replies

Beeperbird · 30/05/2018 08:26

We don’t have a huge amount of money at the moment and my dad & step mum have kindly paid for us all to go on a UK family holiday for a week later on in June. We’ve got a 2 yr old so I think mostly they are looking forward to spending time with him as they don’t live close by.
Dates were booked and confirmed a while ago and the holiday is Fri-Fri.
A week after the holiday was booked, DH announced that he wanted to save some holiday days for later in the year (Ok, I get that there are other things we want to do at Christmas and he doesn’t have a huge amount of holiday). So we agreed DH would just come with us Fri - Wed.
A couple of weeks after that he said he forgot he’s got an important rugby match on the Friday eve so we agreed he would come on the holiday Sat - Wed.
Last night he said his friends are doing their annual 15 mile / 15 pub walk on the Saturday, and he’ll have a hangover afterwards so said he wants to come on the holiday Sun eve - Wed.
that’s when I had a mini meltdown! It’s only 3 friends doing the walk this year, and it’s only them (not a big organised thing) so my argument is that they can just move the date rather than shave yet another day off the holiday that my parents have paid for! But apparently not as it needs to be in June (who knows why!) and that’s the only date the others can do.
Maybe I’m being unreasonable as I’m tired!
So... thoughts? I feel like telling him to just sod the whole holiday and not come at all!

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 31/05/2018 11:59

He sounds like a massive bell end.

Loopytiles · 31/05/2018 12:02

Why, if he came, would he sulk? That would be unacceptable.

pigmcpigface · 31/05/2018 12:35

"His friends will be disappointed"

Yes, I'm sure they'll be sobbing into their beer and asking for their security blankets. Hmm

Listen, what's going on here is clear. He would RATHER spend time with his mates than with his family. This isn't a 'clash', it's a preference. You need to think about what that means.

Original poster
Beeperbird · 31/05/2018 12:56

Thankfully he woke up feeling more like a grown-up this morning and agreed it would be very rude to my dad to say he couldn’t come on the Saturday now (I think me telling him he’d have to tell my dad did it). Just wish we didn’t have to go through all the fuss to get to this sensible conclusion!

To those that have asked - I don’t think he resents me not bringing in an income, we didn’t feel the pinch at first as we had some buffer, it’s only the last few months it’s become more obvious we need to change the way we do things quite significantly, so maybe the doubt about me having a work break is sneaking in.

Thanks for all the comments!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 31/05/2018 13:00

That’s good news OP!

MsHomeSlice · 31/05/2018 13:04

so he's back to the original Friday to Weds? No rugby or pubcrawl?

I hope he doesn't sulk!

Blanca87 · 31/05/2018 13:28

Why, when you are all on holiday would you be looking after your son rather than a joint effort? And you are having another baby with this selfish man-child? Eeek.

kierenthecommunity · 31/05/2018 13:32

I’d also be suspicious of the rugby match on the Friday, the Rugby season has finished and doesn’t start again until September.

You never heard of the phenomenon that is rugby league...?

Icanttakemuchmore · 31/05/2018 17:55

I'd sayy f**k your friends etc you agreed to come on holiday and that's what you'll do ffs. How disgusting is that, he's getting a paid for holiday from your parents and he's changing this and that. Tell him he either goes on holiday with you or he cancels his leave and goes to work Mon to Fri and pays for another holiday with the overtime he will now be doing whilst you are away with your parents. Cf!

Original poster
Beeperbird · 31/05/2018 18:01

Yep I hope so too MrsHomeSlice

OP posts:
Original poster
Beeperbird · 31/05/2018 18:04

Blanca87 - I meant if he didn’t come on the Saturday I’ll be looking after our son, obv if he is there I expect him to do his half (at least after all of this!)

OP posts:
user1484424013 · 31/05/2018 18:17

Money is tight. Given a free holiday. Him in a 15 mile pub crawl costing a shit load. Something is off. Just spoke to my husband and he said by the sounds of it he wants a break from you. Hates your parents or is having an affair. That's a man's point of view and only posting because my husband said your fella sounds like a dick.

SherbrookeFosterer · 31/05/2018 18:19

He clearly just needs time for himself, so go with that.

I am a strong believer in separate holidays for spouses.

They keep the marriage fresh.

Nanny0gg · 31/05/2018 18:22

He has calmed down a lot since having our son as well and does a lot of things around the house for me normally.

I think you need to change your mindset.

Nanny0gg · 31/05/2018 18:24

I am a strong believer in separate holidays for spouses.

If you can afford it, and as well as a family holiday.

FreudRogersBeck · 31/05/2018 18:34

Rugby season has finished...

Athena18 · 31/05/2018 18:49

Tell him you’re very disappointed in him.

PurplePenguins · 31/05/2018 18:56

Glad he's coming now but he has his priorities wrong. He should be putting his family first and making magical memories with you and the kids. It will cause resentment, his kids will grow up anf he'll miss it. Maybe if you can talk it through with him before it is too broken to fix Flowers

BettyG66 · 31/05/2018 19:25

Men are such wankers - tell him not to bother, you'll have a much better time without him.

Sparkle5 · 31/05/2018 20:03

Are you sure your not married to my husband😂😂. My husband has never grown up and always use to put his mates before his family. However, I do not take this crap anymore and you should tell your husband straight that he is taking the piss and should come as he originally said and don’t take no for an answer. Nip it in the bud now or you will be in for a run of excuses. It only took me 30 years to “man up” and it was the most liberating experience. Good luck x

pollymere · 31/05/2018 20:13

If he's now busy on the Fri, he could add a stay until the Thurs at least.

FrizzyMcFrizzface · 31/05/2018 20:29

What User said. Are you sure those excuses are genuine? Could something else be going on? Do you have a way of checking with the mates or with rugby? It doesn’t make sense for him not to want to spend time with you and his child on a free holiday.

mummyof3kids · 31/05/2018 20:32

For PP who said rugby season is over, not if he plays rugby league!

Bodicea · 31/05/2018 20:42

Just put your foot down and say no. I would insist he did the we holiday. But if you really have to compromise the initial agreement of fri to wed is the absolute minimum i would accept. Stand your ground!

sgtmajormum · 31/05/2018 21:12

Sadly this is all to familiar territory. Parents offered to pay for myself dh and kids (age 4&6) to spend a week with them in their timeshare including paying for half term flights. Dh refused to go as "too busy at work" marriage downward spiralled from there as he was just selfish all the time and pissing what little money we had up the wall. You need to seriously think where your marriage is heading and stand your ground now. Dont let him get away with not going as you are effectively giving him permission to be a selfish arse. Needless to say my dh became ex dh pretty soon after

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