DH prioritising friends over family holiday

[Beeperbird]

We don’t have a huge amount of money at the moment and my dad & step mum have kindly paid for us all to go on a UK family holiday for a week later on in June. We’ve got a 2 yr old so I think mostly they are looking forward to spending time with him as they don’t live close by.
Dates were booked and confirmed a while ago and the holiday is Fri-Fri.
A week after the holiday was booked, DH announced that he wanted to save some holiday days for later in the year (Ok, I get that there are other things we want to do at Christmas and he doesn’t have a huge amount of holiday). So we agreed DH would just come with us Fri - Wed.
A couple of weeks after that he said he forgot he’s got an important rugby match on the Friday eve so we agreed he would come on the holiday Sat - Wed.
Last night he said his friends are doing their annual 15 mile / 15 pub walk on the Saturday, and he’ll have a hangover afterwards so said he wants to come on the holiday Sun eve - Wed.
that’s when I had a mini meltdown! It’s only 3 friends doing the walk this year, and it’s only them (not a big organised thing) so my argument is that they can just move the date rather than shave yet another day off the holiday that my parents have paid for! But apparently not as it needs to be in June (who knows why!) and that’s the only date the others can do.
Maybe I’m being unreasonable as I’m tired!
So... thoughts? I feel like telling him to just sod the whole holiday and not come at all!

He's a prick, OP. Why do you tolerate this?

unfortunately doing what he wants to do and spending fortunes on the swill end when you take the condom off. He should have thought of that.

parenthood has dull bits. Don't like that? Don't become a parent. Too late now so suck it up.

He's taking the piss OP he doesn't want to go, tell him hes not invited anymore go and have a nice time and tell him to stay a t home and make sure its tidy for you getting home.

Why are men always expected to put up with their in laws when women shouldn't have to have anything to do with theirs?

Exactly if it had been the OPs in laws who had booked the holiday and something had cropped up that OP wished to do, 95% of the replies would be let your DH take the DC with his parents and you do your own thing.

We both 'put up' with each other's in-laws

Ask him if he'd be willing to explain to his child that daddy doesn't want to come on holiday with you because he'll be too busy drinking and being hung over. If he doesn't feel comfortable explaining that then he knows he's not making the right decision.

To answer a few of the questions -

• We discussed it before my dad booked the holiday, and he didn’t bring up any concerns then!
• he’s always seemed to like my parents, we’ve been on holidays with them before and there haven’t been any complaints
• It didn’t even occur to me about the money he’ll be spending on the rugby & pub walk... fuck.
• my dad paid for a big cottage right on the beach for this holiday (a lot more than we would spend even if we were doing it by ourselves)... although the size is prob the same if DH was coming or not

Maybe he's not ecstatic about going on holiday with your dad and stepmother. I would rather gouge my own eyeballs out with a teaspoon than go on holiday with DH's father.

Oh and apparently according to him it’s a “good thing” that he’ll be doing the pub walk while I’m away with my parents as then he won’t feel bad about leaving me along with my son at the weekend!

I confess I truly hated spending more than a day with the ILs but I didn’t let them book and pay for everything and then said I coukdn’t Be prevented from going into a drunken night out with my friends.

He should have said before they book, as a couple, you need to decide together how to spend annual leave.

Allowing for everything to be set up and paid and then pulling off is what makes him a selfish bastard, not his lack of interest if spending time with the ILs

Tbh op I wouldn’t want to go holidaying in the U.K. with the inlaws either especially as he’s already done it before, it sounds as it’s a pattern and he’s trying to weasel out of it. I think it would be slightly different going abroad where you would have your own apartments and entertainment and the weather but not a U.K. holiday were it’s likely it will rain and it’s cold. Could you not save up and go abroad?

also don’t know what I’m going to say to my dad if he doesn’t come until Sunday night... would feel so embarrassed to say that DH is doing this pub walk instead!

Btw we went on a group holiday to primrose valley with my parents last May for a week as my dad got diagnose with terminal cancer. It was ok but I know my dh did it for me because of the situation. Normally we would never all holiday together.

Yeah I just wish he’d said before booking (we could’ve just said that he already had plans / couldn’t get time off work / any excuse). It’s not like he didn’t have the opportunity.
We do a Scotland week trip with his family every year too, kind of a tradition thing where all the cousins etc come we all camp at his uncles house.

A cottage on the beach sounds lovely. I wouldn't care who I shared it with!

I think he's being hugely selfish and I would be very cross if my DH pulled this shit! The walk can totally be rearranged for another time.

I think the financial issue of the expense at a time when you are both struggling is just awful. 15 drinks in a pub, plus a pub meal, is likely to top out at over £60, possibly as much as £80-90. Tickets for rugby aren't cheap either. I think it might be time to look at why you can't afford a family holiday together.

I would be totally honest with your parents about the reasons and let him explain himself.

go on holiday without him. Spend time with your family....... Enjoy it, let him have some time alone.... :) Families need space too.

Well, first of all he can be the one to explain to your DP why he isn’t coming for the holiday they have paid for. Also, agree with pp, don’t give him what he’s after by saying he needn’t come at all. And don’t pander to his hangover when he arrives. He can expect a full hands-on dad experience from the off.

But tbh, a holiday with your in laws is not going to be that much fun, so I’m not surprised he’s not enthusiastic, just a bit at his rudeness in trying to wriggle out of it having agreed to come in the first place.

Well now you know to plan some fun things with friends and suddenly be unable to attend Scotland week. I’d tell him now- that i think he’s incredibly rude and I’m embarrassed to be making excuses for him, but if this is ok behaviour I will take a few days out of the Scotland week for my friends. Happy to explain in person to his family why I’m not there.

X posted, just saw you do a holiday with his family to Scotland. Or used to

call his bluff say you got the week wrong its the one after and watch his reaction it will tell you everything

so i bet he always goes to his own familys trip then