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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH prioritising friends over family holiday

172 replies

Beeperbird · 30/05/2018 08:26

We don’t have a huge amount of money at the moment and my dad & step mum have kindly paid for us all to go on a UK family holiday for a week later on in June. We’ve got a 2 yr old so I think mostly they are looking forward to spending time with him as they don’t live close by.
Dates were booked and confirmed a while ago and the holiday is Fri-Fri.
A week after the holiday was booked, DH announced that he wanted to save some holiday days for later in the year (Ok, I get that there are other things we want to do at Christmas and he doesn’t have a huge amount of holiday). So we agreed DH would just come with us Fri - Wed.
A couple of weeks after that he said he forgot he’s got an important rugby match on the Friday eve so we agreed he would come on the holiday Sat - Wed.
Last night he said his friends are doing their annual 15 mile / 15 pub walk on the Saturday, and he’ll have a hangover afterwards so said he wants to come on the holiday Sun eve - Wed.
that’s when I had a mini meltdown! It’s only 3 friends doing the walk this year, and it’s only them (not a big organised thing) so my argument is that they can just move the date rather than shave yet another day off the holiday that my parents have paid for! But apparently not as it needs to be in June (who knows why!) and that’s the only date the others can do.
Maybe I’m being unreasonable as I’m tired!
So... thoughts? I feel like telling him to just sod the whole holiday and not come at all!

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/05/2018 09:21

Oh he is soooo taking the piss!
I would be really cross about that and tell him not to bother coming at all then if the rest of the family mean so fucking little to him!

Grrrrr!

Doofenschmirtz · 30/05/2018 09:24

"Last night he said his friends are doing their annual 15 mile / 15 pub walk on the Saturday"

So a pub crawl then.

So will he be using some of his annual leave to make sure that you also get some child-free time to go off and spend with your friends?

Not everyone will want to spend a holiday with their in-laws but he agreed to the plan and should stick to that agreement.

BlueBug45 · 30/05/2018 09:25

@Prestonflowers - agree. The only matches on are fun ones where there is a lot of drinking and they definitely aren't compulsory.

OP your husband doesn't want to go on holiday with his in-laws. So either tell him you have moved it to next week, or throw your toys out of the pram and call him out for being a selfish asshole.

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/05/2018 09:25

I think he's being very rude! You've already accommodated some of his plan changes but this is too much - he needs to prioritise family!

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/05/2018 09:37

That would drive me insane. How rude! Does he realise he’s got a wife and child?

I also agree with others the trip to the rugby match plus pub crawl would probably have paid for a cheap break away for a few nights.

A few years ago I managed to get us a mid week 4 night stay at a park resorts during the autumn half term break for £70. It was that cheap because our holidays run differently so it was off peak and last minute. But just to put into perspective how little some breaks can cost. We wouldn’t go again with dd now she’s older but it would be great for a young child.

crispysausagerolls · 30/05/2018 09:39

This is absolute bullshit. He comes Fri-Wed as agreed (BY HIM) or he doesn't come at all (although it does sound like this might be his end goal).

DelphiniumBlue · 30/05/2018 09:46

The whole premise sounds weird.
Are you in the UK? Because if so he presumably gets 4 weeks plus Bank Holidays. This is a week, you're implying that it's your only holiday, so what about the other 3 weeks?
I think At Sea makes a good point, have your parents paid for a place bigger than they needed to?
It's not on for him to be reducing days away if he agreed the dates in the first place. Is there a reason why he didn't mention any of these things prior to booking!
Maybe it's not the sort of holiday he would enjoy, but surely this would have been discussed beforehand? Him not being there does change the dynamics.
But maybe you will have a better time without him.

Hope your Dad isn't too put out, and that have a great time, with or without DP.

Lethaldrizzle · 30/05/2018 09:49

His top priority now is family holiday. He should come for the whole week

mummymeister · 30/05/2018 09:53

we don't have a lot of money

yet there is enough for him to:

go to a rugby match - travel, food, ticket cost
15 miles 15 pubs so that's a drink in every pub at £2/£3 a time plus travel plus food. Not much change from £100 there.

how much does he spend on his hobbies versus how much you spend on yours? it seems there is plenty of money for him to behave like a single man.

I suggest you have a really good look at your finances and where your money goes and then have a good long chat with him about the difference between being single and being a parent in a relationship. you shouldn't have to spell it out but clearly you are going to have to.

he agreed to the holiday. you compromised Friday to Wednesday and that should be that.

AllMYSmellySocks · 30/05/2018 09:56

YANBU sounds like he's looking forward to you being away so he can get pissed with his mates, and not worry about being woken up by a 2 year old the next day. I'd be pissed off too, especially as it's the only family holiday you're getting.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/05/2018 09:57

How can he afford to do a 15-pub crawl but can't take his family on holiday?

Massively rude. I'd tell him not to bother coming at all.

Inertia · 30/05/2018 10:07

He is being unreasonable

He isn’t available that day for the walk, they need to find a new date.

Laiste · 30/05/2018 10:08

my dad & step mum have kindly paid for us all to go on a UK family holiday for a week later on in June. We’ve got a 2 yr old so I think mostly they are looking forward to spending time with him as they don’t live close by

OP doesn't specify here weather or not the DH agreed readily to this holiday to be fair.

I think he's trying to get out of a holiday with his inlaws.

diddl · 30/05/2018 10:09

I wouldn't want to holiday with my ILs & probably would stay at home.

But, if he doesn't want to go, there's surely not money for all the drinking that he wants to do?

Loopytiles · 30/05/2018 10:10

If he agreed to the holiday when it was booked he has already been U and extremely rude to your parents, who probably will have paid for him for the whole week.

If he didn’t want to go he should have said so.

Loopytiles · 30/05/2018 10:12

You have also been U by being OK about him changing plans that affect others, which is rude towards your parents and costing them money.

Datedandold · 30/05/2018 10:13

He’s waiting for you to explode and tell him not to bother so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. Don’t.

OneStepSideways · 30/05/2018 10:14

Sounds like he's trying to wriggle out of the holiday! Does he get on with your parents? Will you all be sharing a villa/apartment or have your own space?

user139328237 · 30/05/2018 10:14

Why are men always expected to put up with their in laws when women shouldn't have to have anything to do with theirs?

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 30/05/2018 10:18

WTF??? Has he realised he is not 18, unmarried and childless anymore?

Fancy that, lliving his life to the full while wifey takes care of his children and parents! What is he needed for when he can continue living as if he was single?

Honestly OP, that is unbelievable selfish of him. I would advise you stand your ground and say enough while you can still save the relationship. At the end of the day, if OLD sites are plagued with men in Lycra, travelling with friends and spending time watching games in the pub, is because wifey finally had enough, realised it was much easier to raise the kids on her own and released them back into the wild...

Ellie56 · 30/05/2018 10:19

Your DH is being extremely rude when your parents have already paid for the holiday. And if you are short of cash where is all the money coming from for a piss up?

He needs to step up and start putting his family first.

GetKetty · 30/05/2018 10:20

Leave him, start a relationship with his best mate and book a holiday for the three of you with the child support money he has to pay. xox

araiwa · 30/05/2018 10:35

The number of people on mn who wont have their inlaws stay with them for more than a day made me think he would have received more sympathy here

PercyPigAddict · 30/05/2018 10:42

He doesn't want to go on holiday with his in-laws. There's no such thing as a free holiday and they've paid so they get the holiday they want, doting on their grandchild. Nothing wrong with that, but I wouldn't expect him to be enthusiastic about it.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 30/05/2018 10:49

PercyPig. True, but he could have said that, discuss different options with OP before the IL booked and paid for the holiday.

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