to expect family not to be ridiculed at my daughters birthday party?

[willothewisp17]

Had a small 1st birthday party in the house on Sunday for my daughter, invited close family and friends. I was quite busy in the kitchen cooking buffet food ect so wasn't always in the thick of things.

Anyway, went and sat down on the couch with my sil and noticed a lot of giggling between her and mil/fil. As it turns out, sil has been having a right fucking laugh at my uncles choice of footwear (sandals, who even cares) and has been snapping photos of him on the sly and having a laugh about it (she showed me the photos, I didn't laugh but let it go at the time).

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed at this? My uncle left early before the cake cutting with an excuse and I can't help but feeling he knew he was being ridiculed! Terrible behaviour, I don't even think there's a point in bringing this up at all to my in laws because they'll just brush it off!

your message is perfect and if they retaliate then it just shows how awful they are.

Well I think your message was really good, and a hell of a lot politer than I would have sent. The first time they were rude to my Dad they would have been booted out of the door, so I think you've been very restrained!

One thing I've learned with sending messages is not to get into long explanations or justifications.

People like this enjoy an argument and the more explanation you give them, the easier it is for them to twist your words and blame you.

Stick to "You were rude and I won't tolerate it" on repeat. Don't argue, don't explain what they did (they know) and why it was wrong (they know this too), just stuck record them with "you were rude and I won't tolerate it."

If it had been me at that party, I'd have said to them that it's the baby that's meant to act like a child, not them. Would actually say that in the message to them to be honest, they are very childish people and disgusting. Wouldnt be allowing them back round.

Received a snotty reply, but I've said what I wanted and that's that now, they can think whatever they want of me if I allow people to be made a fool of in my own home then what am I?

Can't see your message to them . Don't know why some photos appear just fine on threads which I read but others aren't visible (and yet other posters can read them!) Most frustrating.

Glad you took them to task on their foul behaviour though

By the way - can anyone shed any light on why I can see some attachments but not others?

No surprise there. But you've stopped them in their tracks. I bet your ears are ringing!

I quoted Churchill on another thread but this applies to you.

"You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something once in your life."

Just don't invite them again unless they:ve learnt some manners and grown up a bit. Have parties for dd, sure, and invite your uncle etc, but leave out the ils. If they even notice, you could have a small extra gathering for just them a week or so later. DD gets two parties!!

Good on you OP. What was the reply?

'really annoyed, nothing was said about his footwear in his presence' maybe nothing was said, but they were laughing and sniggering and taking photos.

'it's took you three days' not even sure why this is relevant.

'the photo was not shared anywhere and more than likely deleted' photo shouldn't have been taken regardless!!

'you're making a mountain out of a molehill'

'you had a wee laugh too' this is bullshit. a friend that was there followed me into the kitchen after I was shown the photo because I was uncomfortable and left! my words in response to seeing the photo were 'he's older, that's just his style' in which i got the reply 'I know, but still'.

those responses are from my mil.

sil has just replied and said all she can do is apologise, it was an innocent laugh between family.

Thanks for repeating the message willo

They don't sound very contrite in their reply do they!

They are minimising the fact that they are bullying you. This is what bullies do. They do this because they know they are in the wrong and have been called out on it.

What an utterly gross person your SiL is. The hand licking incident made me feel physically ill. She clearly has no respect for you or her brother. Your MiL doesn't sound much better. I wouldn't invite either of them again until they can behave like respectful adults.

I've had a snide comment from one of MILs friends before on a facebook post, I had invited both mil and fil out for the day with us and tagged them on facebook with a few photos. few hours later a comment along the lines of 'oh, there was me thinking you got to have willow all by yourself for a few hours' how is this anyone's business?

The sil's reply sounds more mature than mil's.
Do you want to reply back to them?

well done for saying your piece Willo. They were never going to take it well, (folks rarely takes criticism well especially if they're in the wrong!) but as a previous poster wisely said, just stick to your point of "I wasn't happy with that behaviour in my house" and dont' rise beyond that if you can. Sounds like MiL is worse than SiL as well. Take some time and space now and invite Uncle Robert over for coffee another time. Wishign you well. You were very brave!

God she sounds like a colossal tit. Your poor uncle.

@Queenoftheblitz I did send a reply, I said a laugh amongst yourselves is one thing, taking a photo of someone is an entirely different matter and I would be gutted if someone took a photo of me at a party. this is what earned the 'mountain out of a molehill' response so I'm done now, I've said all I can. husband has said nothing at all throughout this but is very much present within the chat!

They're cunts. I wouldn't bother inviting them to things any more. If your DH objects, tell him why. He needs to stand up to them.

With any luck you can fall out with them to the point where you don't have to see them any more. Vile, hideous people.

They sound a bit stupid, wow- someone has funny sandals on...lets take a photo! They need to grow up!
On the hand licking point, when my baby was 3 weeks old, I met up with my usually lovely friend. She was eating a bacon sandwich and holding my ds while I warmed him a bottle. He started crying so she put her salty bacon unwashed finger in his mouth for him to suck! I didn't say anything as she meant well but I felt ill about it. I was so careful about sterilising and everything, I could have cried.

Ordinarily I'd say you ought to take down the text you sent because it's outing but fuck it, I think your in-laws well deserve to see the responses on this thread, one of a handful of unanimous AIBUs that they're awful!

I think you really need to speak to your husband though, you need him on board as a united front.

Well done for standing up for yourself and your uncle, OP. As for Queenoftheblitz's Churchill quote, just brilliant. I wonder why the autocorrect wanted you to be called Queenofthetaylors though?