to expect family not to be ridiculed at my daughters birthday party?

[willothewisp17]

Had a small 1st birthday party in the house on Sunday for my daughter, invited close family and friends. I was quite busy in the kitchen cooking buffet food ect so wasn't always in the thick of things.

Anyway, went and sat down on the couch with my sil and noticed a lot of giggling between her and mil/fil. As it turns out, sil has been having a right fucking laugh at my uncles choice of footwear (sandals, who even cares) and has been snapping photos of him on the sly and having a laugh about it (she showed me the photos, I didn't laugh but let it go at the time).

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed at this? My uncle left early before the cake cutting with an excuse and I can't help but feeling he knew he was being ridiculed! Terrible behaviour, I don't even think there's a point in bringing this up at all to my in laws because they'll just brush it off!

@Hygge I don't actually know what he was doing, probably in the kitchen eating buffet! I hadn't noticed anything till my uncle left and as soon as he was out the front door my in laws burst into giggles! then showed the photos! My husband won't do anything, there has been a lot of issues in the past and he has never done anything, and I don't want to be the annoying daughter in law that just picks faults with everything

Other people? Licking my child's hand? Um, NO!

I just saw that he's not bothered and can't understand how you have the audacity to be bothered.

He's as bad as they are in that case OP, and you're in for a difficult future with his family behaving like this and him condoning and agreeing with them.

He's not going to support you in the future when they treat you like dirt and ignore everything you say for your daughter.

You're in for a long life of "that's just what they're like" or "you don't have a sense of humour" with this lot.

Ahhhh that makes sense. I didn't realise it was that serious, sorry.

She sounds very poorly mannered and thoughtless. What does your dh think?

God they all sound terrible, your DH no different if he can’t see the problem. Even his parents going along with it. I can’t imagine this is an isolated incident.

What a horrible cow. Your poor uncle. Give him a hug from me. 🤗

Hope you are going to tell her she was out of order.

Is she your husband's sister, or your brother's wife?

Op maybe for future events, keep a date for your family only and another date for his family.
these people need to be contained away from normal people. That way they can rip the piss out of each other and not inflict their inane childishness on others.

@Plumsofwrath oh it's definitely not an isolated incident, there too many to name! Half of it is too ridiculous to even mention, the way they behave!

Mil tried to kiss my daughter on the lips when she was in the special care baby unit with a feeding tube and high flow oxygen but is short and couldn't quite bend down enough into her cot to do so. I don't know why anyone would think that's acceptable? Especially when my daughter had just been moved from an incubator to a cot, an incubator where no one but me and her father were allowed to touch her (nurses excluded of course).

@UserV she is my husbands sister.

That's horrible - no one should be made fun of like that. And as for the licking SIL - disgusting! Criticises sandals which are perfectly normal but licks other people, sorry that's gross.

Separate days for parties for each side of the family, I suggest. That's what we did for years.

That's awful behaviour, and I would be upset if my partner had waved it off as nothing.

Any more shit like that and I'd just give her/them a death stare and say that's not funny. I hate that sort of thing, judging people for their appearance, so nasty.

It was unkind and I would have told her so at the time and then made sure to pay special attention to my Uncle so he felt loved and welcome.

I do not stay silent when guest in my home are mistreating other guests.

Your poor uncle.

How old is SIL? 10?

I'd tell her that she was rude and your Uncle knew she was laughing at him.

No offence op but if you don’t want to be the “annoying daughter in law” and you have other issues you have to put up and shut up.
It’s ok coming here and moaning but your OH isn’t going to do anything so unfortunately it’s all up to you.
I feel sorry for you having these knobs in your life.

@AmazingPostVoices I didn't know until he had left, otherwise I would have sat and spoke more with him

I spent a lot of time cooking/hiding in the kitchen because I can't really stomach them at the best of times, infact, at the time my uncle left he came into the kitchen to say goodbye as I was feeding my daughter in there (too much going on in the the other room and she would probably have been put off her bottle). Once he left, literally as soon as the front door was closed, que loads of giggling from other room. That's when I found out what had been happening, I should have said something, but it was my daughters first birthday and I really didn't want to ruin it.

That's rude, unkind and incredibly disrespectful to you.

It's one thing to have a quiet giggle about it after leaving the house, but laughing openly about it in front of you and expecting you to join in, on your daughter's birthday, is incredibly rude.

You say there have been issues like this in the past -- what sorts of things?

Op I get the impression you're intimidated by them.
I feel sickened by them and you must feel awful.
They may brush you off but it's always worth letting people know your feelings. It may make them more discreet next time.

@PinotMwah lots of issues, but one that stands out for me is the ignorance towards my father. My dad is in his 70s, and could talk till the cows came home and will talk to anyone. My fil ignores him, point blank ignores him. This upsets my dad, as it's very ignorant! I know my dad talks a lot of crap at times, but they don't see each other much, and it wouldn't be too much to ask to just be polite every once in a while and talk to him? I've told my dad just not to bother, don't try and engage with him anymore, but he always tries and its a cycle! It's like they all think he's a silly old fool, and I have caught them rolling there eyes and sniggering at the things he's said before (he hasn't noticed thankfully, as he's been too busy trying to get more conversation in).

They also treat my husband like utter shit, so I don't know why he doesn't speak up about them. I just don't know. It's so frustrating!

@Fishface77 no offence taken whatsoever, I'm trying to work up the courage to message right now (all in a joint family chat in whatsapp) because it really isn't acceptable to treat people like that in my home! I'm not intimidated by them, it's the thought of the uproar afterwards, they already don't agree with just about every parenting choice I make with my daughter, the awkward conversations and small talk are difficult enough as it is, I'm a coward really

Your sil is disgusting. Bacon crisps and licking icing off your dd's hand...🤢
I hope your uncle is okay. I wouldn't want to invite such unkind people to my house again.

Wait till the morning op to respond on the group what’s app. Someone here might give you a good, assertive, no nonsense message to send (not me, I’d just tell em to fuck of).
Fuck the ructions, remember they will probably treat your kids like they treat you and your OH.
Might be worth your while looking at the stately homes thread as it sounds like your OH is conditioned into believing this behaviour is normal.

It's like they all think he's a silly old fool, and I have caught them rolling there eyes and sniggering at the things he's said

This about their behaviour towards your Dad makes me sad.

They're incredibly rude.