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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All men fancy younger women

477 replies

Violetshift · 28/05/2018 22:39

I think I am insanely jealous. So don’t know whether I am BU?

My partner has started tutoring a 19 year old. He is a teacher but she is resisting as she wants a grade 9.

He hasn’t said much about her. I showed him a Facebook picture of her as I know of her. He said she is prettier than that in real life.
Now he thinks this is subjective and nothing untoward. Like he thinks our daughter is pretty.

AIBU and just a jealous hag?

OP posts:
BlueBug45 · 29/05/2018 01:00

@JacintaJones you don't have to be older to be the boss, though it helps.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 01:01

BlueBug45 ok then while some men do like the older women why is there a billion pound industry for women to look younger? Why are most of the female sex symbols across tv, social media and film young? Why do so many Hollywood actresses say the older the get the harder it is to get work??

Sorry if you want to shoot the messenger here but youth is revered in society. Not saying I personally agree with it and I am no spring chicken myself but sadly it is.

JacintaJones · 29/05/2018 01:01

It certainly does Bug

JacintaJones · 29/05/2018 01:03

No. Beauty is revered.
This usually correlates with youth, though there are outliers.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 01:05

''sorry boilerhouse but I find it concerning that you have a PHD and still think ALL men fancy younger women.''

Can you quote where i said ''all''?? Sorry no i said the most popular and attractive females to men were generally younger women. Sorry i said anything now.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 01:06

''No. Beauty is revered.;;

yes agreed but as i said in an earlier post beauty and youth together is the key, generally as we age beauty is so much harder to maintain.

JacintaJones · 29/05/2018 01:12

Some people have won the genetic lottery and don't lose their looks until well above the age their peers do.

Granted its probably hard after fifty for evetybody, even the exceptionally beautiful but an attractive forty year old is going to garner more sexual attention than your average thirty year old.

Most people hover around average. Mother nature is very even handed in that way.

imweirdandcool · 29/05/2018 01:32

Not true actually I fine the weirdos like younger women
Calling another woman pretty doesn't mean you want to jump in her knickers not all men are weirdos

BlueBug45 · 29/05/2018 01:38

@boilerhouse2007 you posted on a thread titled "All men fancy younger women" so it isn't surprising that you are quoted in that context.

Oh and the question you asked me has been answered.

DixieFlatline · 29/05/2018 01:57

You know someone's not got a clue about the general education level of the women of Mumsnet when they think 'PHD in science' is remotely believable, especially when combined with the actual post content...

ohamIreally · 29/05/2018 02:02

Dixie - agree! It's laughable!

BlueBug45 · 29/05/2018 02:02

@DixieFlatline I have several friends' with PhDs in scientific subjects doesn't mean they had commonsense. I was also taught until 18 by some teachers with PhDs and they weren't the best teachers, particularly the ones who taught my scientific A levels. Luckily for my A levels I had 2-3 teachers per subject.

BlueBug45 · 29/05/2018 02:03

have commonsense rather

Coolaschmoola · 29/05/2018 03:06

I teach a resit class that is full of students around the 19yo mark.

I have eyes, I am able to see which ones are attractive. That doesn't mean I'm attracted to them...

I can see that Tom Hardy is attractive, but he literally does nothing for me.

OP - this is entirely your issue.

liminality · 29/05/2018 05:27

I don't think 19-21 is someones prime, I think it is at least a decade older. Like others have said, I can tell if someone young is pretty or good looking, but I am not in the slightest attracted to them! I'm in my late 30's and I can't even consider sleeping with boys in their late 20's - they look like children! I can't really imagine any 40/50 something year old is interested in teenagers like that - it is most weird.
I don't feel jealous of younger women either. Even when I am discontented with myself or have my own issues, I still don't wish I was 19 again.

NewYearNewMe18 · 29/05/2018 06:23

What a bizarre thread.

Going tangent usually - note use of the word usually, as opposed to always before someone storms in having only half read what I'm going to say - so , usually attractivity is subconscious. When you look for a partner, a male looks for ripe eggs, a female looks for a mating partner that can provide stability, and drive off other predatory males. That is how animal breeds. We are animals. Civilisation is thin veneer.

Cue 45 thousand MNers to refute this with anecdotal reminisces

i have been teaching for 12 years and have not once heard any teachers (male or female) comment on the physical attractiveness of a student

I find that difficult to believe. 10 years in the staff room taught me that both male and female staff do comment, often quite crudely and sexually, on Y10/11/12/13. Boundaries were often overstepped - oddly with young female NQTs and well developed male teenagers, far too touchy feely, flirty, pouty, totally inappropriate behaviours. One of the most coffee spluttering moment was a 46yo male teacher wistfully reminiscing how '6th formers used to be a perk of the job' and mid 30 female teachers complaining 'they never made them like that when I was 15' and 'I'd do him tomorrow if I could get away with it'. Hmm Report it, no, difficult to when the female HT is joining in coquettishly giggling.

Timefortea99 · 29/05/2018 06:36

I work in a very PC environment, yet the middle aged men all try and get the attention of the younger women - 20 upwards. It can be amusing to watch, although it is somewhat sleazy. Back in the day when I was 15 years plus I got hit on by a lot of older men, sometimes in an opportunistic way. I think a lot of men do prefer younger women but whether they would want a long term relationship with one is another matter. Although there are juvenile men who like to show off in their gang of male friends and there would be much kudos if they rocked up with a young girl. Also, I have never done online dating but isn’t it a thing that a lot of men in 40s specify women they want to meet who are in a much younger age band than they are? I think men are visually stimulated and there is no getting away from it, when you are younger you are better looking in an effortless way.

Pengggwn · 29/05/2018 06:54

Reading this, you'd think nobody fancied 19 year old girls Hmm

Makes you wonder who's watching all the porn, doesn't it?

Pengggwn · 29/05/2018 06:56

10 years in the staff room taught me that both male and female staff do comment, often quite crudely and sexually, on Y10/11/12/13.

Not a single time in our staff room have I ever heard a teacher do this and it would be reported straight away if I did hear it.

Grandmaswagsbag · 29/05/2018 07:00

One girl in year 11 at my school did shag a teacher...even in the stationary cupboard. So clearly some men do. He totally got away with it, I guess no crime was committed as she was over 16 by the time it started?

Coyoacan · 29/05/2018 07:03

To comment on the attractiveness of a pupil is weird

Oh dear, I am forever commenting on who is pretty, handsome, whatever. I put it down to my eye for aesthetics, it certainly doesn't mean I am attracted to the people I find good looking.

larrygrylls · 29/05/2018 07:04

I think that most men ‘fancy’ young women.

It is biological programming to fancy women at their reproductive peak.

Equally films tend to portray attractive young women which is why actresses hate aging.

Most mature men prefer to date women of a similar age or slightly younger as they want someone at a similar life stage for conversation etc.

All the ‘same age as his daughter’ arguments are a bit silly. If someone is 60 and had a child young, should he not fancy a 40 year old for that reason?

It is really bizarre (and a little sinister) that nature sexual attraction has somehow become labelled as perversion.

surferjet · 29/05/2018 07:08

Yanbu.
All men fancy attractive 19 year olds yes.
If they say they don’t they’re lying.

Grandmaswagsbag · 29/05/2018 07:11

I think most men find attractive women atrractive. Age doesn’t really come into it but hopefully most wont be ogling under 16 yos as that is illegal. I would say though that it was rather disturbing to hear from another staff member years later who I became friends with that our Tutors at college used to often talk about which girls were good looking and about peeking down their tops in life drawing class. These were men who took on an ‘uncle’ or even fatherly role I totally trusted them. It seemed so wrong and I could never think of my time there in the same way again, if you’re a teacher just don’t bloody comment on your students looks, please. It’s werid.

RebelRogue · 29/05/2018 07:12

@Grandmaswagsbag if the adult is in a position of power aka teacher then the child must be over 18. What he did was illegal.

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