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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All men fancy younger women

477 replies

Violetshift · 28/05/2018 22:39

I think I am insanely jealous. So don’t know whether I am BU?

My partner has started tutoring a 19 year old. He is a teacher but she is resisting as she wants a grade 9.

He hasn’t said much about her. I showed him a Facebook picture of her as I know of her. He said she is prettier than that in real life.
Now he thinks this is subjective and nothing untoward. Like he thinks our daughter is pretty.

AIBU and just a jealous hag?

OP posts:
Battleax · 29/05/2018 07:18

When you searched for his 19 year old pupil on FB and then showed him her photo (he steady knew what his own student looked like) what reaction were you asking or hoping for?

Not being rhetorical. How did that conversation go exactly?

Because it seems like maybe you’re deliberately provoking a response and then seizing on the response you get as self justification (?)

Battleax · 29/05/2018 07:21

, if you’re a teacher just don’t bloody comment on your students looks, please. It’s werid.

Normally I’d agree, but he was shown a photo and presumably felt obliged to say something.

Being harangued by a partner who is irrationally jealous can sometimes bring out a mildly perverse reaction. It’s a form of resistance.

Ohmydayslove · 29/05/2018 07:21

all men fancy attractive 19 year olds

Er they really really don’t. We have a 19 year old dd and I can categorically tell you that dh sees her age as a kid.

Personally I find teenage/20s men as babies.

I never get this dating younger men/women they are usually crap on bed and immature.

Op it’s your issue not your dhs.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/05/2018 07:23

We have a 19 year old dd and I can categorically tell you that dh sees her age as a kid.

I understand the point you are trying to make but don't think you've used the best example here to illustrate it. If your husband found his daughter anything more than just his kid then you'd have bigger problems on your hands than whether or not middle-aged men fancy young women.

InspMorse · 29/05/2018 07:31

If boilerhouse has a PHD in 'science' Grin I am an astronaut.

'Not many that do a PHD teach'
You are incorrect boilerhouse
Universities are full of lecturers with PHDs.

Eolian · 29/05/2018 07:34

Human beings find good-looking human beings of the relevant sex attractive. This does not stop just because they get married. It's not something to get jealous about. By the sounds of it, your dh's comment about her looks was just a reaction to the fact that the photo you (bizarrely and unnecessarily) showed him lookef different to how she looks in real life. From what you say in your posts, you appear to have no reason to think he would see this girl as anything but his student, however pretty he might think she is objectively. The fact that you say you hate men for finding beautiful women attractive is frankly weird.

Original poster
Violetshift · 29/05/2018 08:04

Because it seems like maybe you’re deliberately provoking a response and then seizing on the response you get as self justification (?)

Battleax maybe I am. Its not good

OP posts:
boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 09:59

''I think that most men ‘fancy’ young women.

It is biological programming to fancy women at their reproductive peak.

Equally films tend to portray attractive young women which is why actresses hate aging.

Most mature men prefer to date women of a similar age or slightly younger as they want someone at a similar life stage for conversation etc.

All the ‘same age as his daughter’ arguments are a bit silly. If someone is 60 and had a child young, should he not fancy a 40 year old for that reason?

It is really bizarre (and a little sinister) that nature sexual attraction has somehow become labelled as perversion.''

Yes thank you, that is what I said yet your older jealous women are going to send you to the stocks for saying that. Younger women have better bodies, are more fertile and carry beauty better-it's simple biology and laws of attraction. Ofcourse the average man is going to have a natural attraction to them. People saying this is perversion are deluded.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 10:01

'Not many that do a PHD teach'
You are incorrect boilerhouse
Universities are full of lecturers with PHDs.

I meant at a second level institution- vast majority of my colleagues only have standard degrees and I teach in a private school.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 10:09

''I find that difficult to believe. 10 years in the staff room taught me that both male and female staff do comment, often quite crudely and sexually, on Y10/11/12/13. Boundaries were often overstepped - oddly with young female NQTs and well developed male teenagers, far too touchy feely, flirty, pouty, totally inappropriate behaviours. ''

I still see this but only with female teachers. I think most male teachers are way too cautious to say anything these days with the way society has gone so PC. Females can generally still get away with alot more than men in both the media and in general life. There's some common proof in the link.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 10:14

''Report it, no, difficult to when the female HT is joining in coquettishly giggling.''

Yep easy to say report it but when those you are reporting are higher up in status in the school and in with SLT you know well not to report stuff as it will likely make you look like the baddie. Anybody here that works in a school knows that in some the best way is to keep your head down as the politics in places can be crazy.

MizK · 29/05/2018 10:21

I don't know. I think lots of men would think of pretty 19 year olds as attractive but sort of off-limits. As in, it's very unlikely that the 19 year old would be interested in the average balding, chubby 40 year old, so almost a waste of time investing interest in them.
Not true of all of course, I had to leave a job aged 19 as the 50ish MD wouldn't leave me alone 😑

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 10:33

''I don't know. I think lots of men would think of pretty 19 year olds as attractive but sort of off-limits. As in, it's very unlikely that the 19 year old would be interested in the average balding, chubby 40 year old, so almost a waste of time investing interest in them. ''

Ofcourse the vast majority of older men would not even try to make contact with the hot younger female as she is out of bounds. However I find it laughable here how women say they know their man would not be into a younger female or look at her....

MiggeldyHiggins · 29/05/2018 10:37

what so is your husband unique from the male species?? Because I'd put my life on it that if a young Michelle Pfeiifer/Megan Fox/Cindy Crawford type 19 year old was walking down the street your husband [regardless of his age] would have his natural urges.

nothing unique about it. Firstly you've forgotten about all the gay members of the male species, also you've forgotten that you are ridiculous and idiotic.

Lethaldrizzle · 29/05/2018 10:40

Yes I think alot of men fancy younger women but I quite like younger men. Ain't nothing I'm gonna do about it tho cos he put a ring on It!

Mousefunky · 29/05/2018 10:41

I’m a teacher and a part of my job is teaching 18/19 year old A level students. If my DP suggested I was attracted to one of them, I would be utterly horrified. I’m only a decade older than them myself but I wouldn’t dream of being interested in someone of that age. I like people around my own age and I’m sure most men and women are the same.

Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 10:42

@boilerhouse off topic but lots of people with a PhD do teach. I do and every other academic in my university either has a PhD or is working towards one.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 10:45

Was talking about straight men and even gay man too having testosterone are very much the same as their straight counterparts and are visually stimulated and like the younger fitter male.

Yes ok I am pointing out the obvious that men have higher sex drives than females and respond to what looks good much more ie. they are more easily visually stimulated. Laugh out loud how women here think male and females are the same when it comes to their views on sex and their attitudes to it when they seem to forget that males and females are wired very differently....

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 10:46

''but lots of people with a PhD do teach. I do and every other academic in my university either has a PhD or is working towards one.''

i already said i meant in secondary schools-having taught in 4 over the last decade i only met 1 other staff member to have a phd.

Blaablaablaa · 29/05/2018 10:47

And I completely agree with Pp's. My DH works with students and he would be horrified if someone suggested he founded them sexually attractive.

LearnFromThePast · 29/05/2018 10:54

My DH prefers older women and always has from what I know. But I think registering someone as attractive and fantasising about them is totally different. I notice attractive 20 year old men and women but am not in the slightest interested beyond the observation. Some men obviously do prefer younger women, but not all.

MiggeldyHiggins · 29/05/2018 10:58

es ok I am pointing out the obvious that men have higher sex drives than females and respond to what looks good much more ie. they are more easily visually stimulated. Laugh out loud how women here think male and females are the same when it comes to their views on sex and their attitudes to it when they seem to forget that males and females are wired very differently

Are you seriously claiming to have a "PhD in Science" and posting this stupid barely literate nonsense?

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 11:02

''But I think registering someone as attractive and fantasising about them is totally different. I notice attractive 20 year old men and women but am not in the slightest interested beyond the observation.''

Yes because you are a female, the male brain and sex drive works much differently. I am baffled that so many women here do not seem to have grasped that. Think about it-who is the billion pound porn industry aimed at-males or females? In a porn is it predominantly young or older women???

MiggeldyHiggins · 29/05/2018 11:06

the male brain and sex drive works much differently. I am baffled that so many women here do not seem to have grasped that

try being baffled at yourself, because it is FAR from as simple as you think. Science is complicated, who knew>

Bluntness100 · 29/05/2018 11:06

Op, can you break it down? What's causing you to feel this way?

Do you feel he will cheat with her? It would appear this is highly unlikely and very risky.
Do you envy her youth or her looks, so it's not about him, it's about you?
Do you think he will be comparing you both and finding you lacking?
Do you think he will be thinking sexually about her? Is he that kinda guy?

What exactly is it that is bothering you deep down? If you can break it down to what it is exactly you might find you can then address it logically and see you're being illogical?

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