Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All men fancy younger women

477 replies

Violetshift · 28/05/2018 22:39

I think I am insanely jealous. So don’t know whether I am BU?

My partner has started tutoring a 19 year old. He is a teacher but she is resisting as she wants a grade 9.

He hasn’t said much about her. I showed him a Facebook picture of her as I know of her. He said she is prettier than that in real life.
Now he thinks this is subjective and nothing untoward. Like he thinks our daughter is pretty.

AIBU and just a jealous hag?

OP posts:
PussGirl · 28/05/2018 23:54

I'm 53,;my boyfriend is 65.

He notices attractive women of all ages, but doesn't fancy them, as in want to sleep with them. I think this is normal. He is healthy & virile.

I notice attractive men of all ages - why wouldn't I? I have a healthy sexual appetite. I don't want to sleep with them though, or kid myself an attractive 20-something guy finds me attractive - I probably would remind him of his granny.

Fruitcorner123 · 28/05/2018 23:55

I showed him a Facebook picture of her as I know of her. He said she is prettier than that in real life
did you ask him to comment on her appearance or did he say that ouf of the blue?

kindermog · 28/05/2018 23:56

@boilerhouse

I think the comment regarding sexism was to do with a sweeping generalisation against men, not women so no one needs to “quit with the feminism.”

Also, which university did you study at to get your PhD in “science”?

And when you hear these female teachers making inappropriate remarks about their students, how do you tackle it?

Fruitcorner123 · 28/05/2018 23:59

Yep i have often heard female teachers talk about good looking male students they teach and how handsome they are. Female teachers would even respond in the conversations saying how much they envy the teacher for having x and y handsome student in their class. These boys are no older than 16 either

i have been teaching for 12 years and have not once heard any teachers (male or female) comment on the physical attractiveness of a student

TooTrueToBeGood · 29/05/2018 00:00

me I have a PHD in science and have written a thesis on the gender differences and teach biology. *

Awe bless! Thing is, you've spent most of your life in the classroom. You may have read lots but your life experience is limited.

My life experience has taught me to be cynical of anyone who feels compelled to explicitly tell me to believe them. Invariably they're talking shite.

MinorRSole · 29/05/2018 00:04

Op your dh married you, he loves you.

Of course he will find other women attractive and have fantasies - that doesn't make him a bad person.

I'm happily married but my dh isn't the only attractive man in the world - there are loads of them! I don't want to be with any of them but I enjoy the view. I'm quite sure dh does the same with the very many attractive women he meets. Neither of us are being deceptive or cheating if we don't act on it.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 00:04

''but boilerhouse2007 you are suggesting that its only natural that a man should fancy a near child and he can't just recognise her beauty and carry on with his normal life. If you honestly belive that how would you ever truat a male partner. It would be vile for a person in a position of trust like a private tutor to view his young female student in that way.

this comes down to the definifion of "fancy" which I take to mean "want to have sex with" not "find attractive"

Ok 1st of all 19 is not ''near a child''-you are really twisting things here. 19 is very much an adult woman in every culture. Many 19 year olds looks the same age as women in their early 20s and these women provided they are attractive are ofcourse going to be attractive to men- they are at their physical peak and fertile-nature's way of picking the best to mate with so ofcourse men are going to fancy them-it's natural selection. The most attractive physically are desired for mating.
Not once did I say men were not in control of these urges but yes if the female is attractive a man will have a natural physical biological attraction. It is what the survival of our species depends on. Again I simply said men will have urges here and be attracted to the pretty ADULT female, her being 19 does not change this. Ofcourse society has changed now and alot of men over a certain age would never admit or want to be near a 19 yo women as the stigma is damaging but the primitive urge will always be there. If you put the 50/60yo man and the pretty 19 yo on a desert island together without societies boundaries and social constraints he is not going to reject her.

GorgonLondon · 29/05/2018 00:06

You really don't have a PhD, boilerhouse.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 00:09

''Also, which university did you study at to get your PhD in “science”?''
Why do you want to know that? Learnt not to reveal info here as it could easily identify, not many that do a PHD teach.

''And when you hear these female teachers making inappropriate remarks about their students, how do you tackle it?''

Said nothing cos i like to keep my head down but i heard others saying it was inappropriate.

GorgonLondon · 29/05/2018 00:13

boilerhouse I'm not in the business of helping you to lie more convincingly, but trust me when I say that there are really so many dead giveaways in your posts that it's slightly excruciating to read.

Fruitcorner123 · 29/05/2018 00:14

sorry boilerhouse but I find it concerning that you have a PHD and still think ALL men fancy younger women.

Said nothing cos i like to keep my head down but i heard others saying it was inappropriate

You should be ashamed if that's true. Teachers are responsible for safeguarding and should report anything inappropriate for the sake of their students.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 00:16

''Awe bless! Thing is, you've spent most of your life in the classroom. You may have read lots but your life experience is limited.''

Worked in a lab for ten years before entering teaching so nope and conducted my own research earning 2 research credits into human cancers. That involves practical work and not reading. Teaching Biology to alevels and a few GCSE for under 10 years now but leaving it in July I have decided as want to go back and do research into genetics and got placement in a hospital.

Stuckinanxiety · 29/05/2018 00:16

There is a big difference in noticing and acknowledging that someone is pretty, and having serious thoughts of making a pass at them. I think that's an important difference!

A 20 year old would look so young to me, so I wouldn't be interested in them even if they were single, but can still tell if they are good looking. Also a kind of nostalgia about the ones I would have fancied back in my own youth. But it's just a passing thought. Nothing more! I only am interested in having sex with my (gorgeous) partner.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 00:17

''I'm not in the business of helping you to lie more convincingly, but trust me when I say that there are really so many dead giveaways in your posts that it's slightly excruciating to read.''

Ok-so give me 1.

firehousedog · 29/05/2018 00:17

Woman fancy younger men too. Its not just a male issue. Its natural.

GorgonLondon · 29/05/2018 00:19

As I said, not going to give you free tips on pretending to have a 'PHD in science' (sic, obviously). Honestly, I'd name change and never try again if I were you.

kindermog · 29/05/2018 00:19

@boilerhouse

“Learnt not to reveal info here as it could easily identify, not many that do a PHD teach.“

Including you.

A lot

Of course

PhD

Sorry for derailing but come off it.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 00:21

''As I said, not going to give you free tips on pretending to have a 'PHD in science' (sic, obviously). ''

please I am all open here- cal my bluff. If you have reasonable doubt to think i'd be sad enough to lie over that then show us the evidence.

Sametimesameplace · 29/05/2018 00:24

I think it’s inappropriate to say the least to comment on the attractiveness of a pupil you are teaching.

Also shocked at those saying female teachers do it. I have taught in secondary schools for nearly thirty years and none of the teachers talk like that.

GorgonLondon · 29/05/2018 00:24

boilerhouse you are embarrassing yourself here. Everyone can see through it.

I'll quote just one of your sentences for the sheer absurdist pleasure.

But suppose you are going to argue against all the scientific facts and the likes here...

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 00:26

kindermog

Im on mumsnet, not writing formally-my spag is off in every post ive ever written as this is chill time. Seriously wtf would i make this up? ive a PHS in science-its hardly an astronaut or a movie star-what is so big about that??

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 00:28

''boilerhouse you are embarrassing yourself here. Everyone can see through it.

I'll quote just one of your sentences for the sheer absurdist pleasure.

But suppose you are going to argue against all the scientific facts and the likes here...''

Again no you seem to be the main person disputing my past education and I standby by what i said there. Again could you please provide info which shows that im lying?? Because i think you are the 1 embarrassing yourself at this stage.

BlueBug45 · 29/05/2018 00:38

@boilerhouse2007 I have a male friend who fancies women older than him. When I've been out with my friend he has delibrately made a bee line for women who are 10-20 years older than him. I'm in my 40s and noticed my friend has been doing this since he was 25. His relationships have always been with women 10-20 years older than him.

I also know two other guys who have been married for over 10 years to women 10+ years older than them who have children with them. Apparently they only liked older women when they were dating too.

Talking to my partner and some other guys not immediately in my and each others social circles they all have at least one male friend who prefers women 10+ years older than them.

Yet none of these guys have ever admitted when questioned they preferred older women simply because it isn't the social norm. Even now my friend won't admit it. So yes you can talk about your "research" but as PPs have pointed out it ignores life experience plus the fact some people lie in studies.

HoneyDragon · 29/05/2018 00:41

Just look at the pictures of Hugh Jackman looking at his wife.

Now that makes me insanely jealous because who wouldn’t want Hugh Jackman looking at them the way he looks at his wife? Grin

JacintaJones · 29/05/2018 00:55

I like younger men.
Im 35, DH is 28 and I wouldn't fancy a man over 35 unless he was exceptionally well made.

I just don't like wrinkles, grey hair and homely attitudes. Plus I like to be the boss.

As a woman I'd run like the wind from a male version of me Grin