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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All men fancy younger women

477 replies

Violetshift · 28/05/2018 22:39

I think I am insanely jealous. So don’t know whether I am BU?

My partner has started tutoring a 19 year old. He is a teacher but she is resisting as she wants a grade 9.

He hasn’t said much about her. I showed him a Facebook picture of her as I know of her. He said she is prettier than that in real life.
Now he thinks this is subjective and nothing untoward. Like he thinks our daughter is pretty.

AIBU and just a jealous hag?

OP posts:
JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 20:23

Not if they're largely true, then no.

I don't believe in being disingenuous in the interests of towing the party line either.

MiggeldyHiggins · 31/05/2018 20:24

They aren't facts. Its just your rather silly opinion. And kinda racist as well.

JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 20:28

Not all things pertaining to the human condition are the subjects of empirical study.
Especially when humans are expected to self report honestly.

I know its uncomfortable but people have their ideals, they tend to overlap, thats life

JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 20:28

Really? Racist? How so?

Dungeondragon15 · 31/05/2018 20:35

My points is what they are. I suggest you don't read too much into them. The data suggests that men who search for teen porn aren't doing anything anormal for men. Leave them if you want, but if you do so on the basis that they're doing something you believe is abnormal then yes you do need to bear that in mind.

What's the definition of "abnormal"? You seem to be trying to imply a large proportion of older men will search specifically for "teen porn" where as I think that many would find that quite creepy, especially those who have teenage daughters.

MiggeldyHiggins · 31/05/2018 20:37

You can't tell? You said: Men get turned on by women with pretty faces, big eyes, full lips, high cheekbones, nice skin tone, good waist to hip ratio, low end of healthy BMI, rounded, high breasts, long legs and luscious hair

Who do you think you are describing there? Are there many Asian women with rounded high breasts? Is the ideal of African beauty about low bmi and high cheekbones? No. You described a narrow western ideal of beauty and said its universal. That's racist.

And if its not the subject of empirical study, how are you quoting it as fact?

It is though, btw, and they aren't. You really couldn't be more wrong.

Blaablaablaa · 31/05/2018 20:41

But if you're claiming to have facts you need to back them up with actual evidence.

Your opinion, stating general consensus or refusing to 'tow' the party line aren't actual facts. They're just your opinion. And, just because you know other people that agree with you doesn't make it a fact either. We tend to share values and opinions with the people we choose spend time with.

You may find that your ideal is what the majority find attractive but you can say ALL men because that's just not true

JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 20:43

Asian women have higher breasts than your average caucasion and lots of africans are naturally slim and long limbed with high cheekbones.

Do you really not know this?

JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 20:47

I never did stipulate all men.

I stand by my opinion that the vast majority do though.

Why does it bother you so much?
Why does it matter to you who men do or do not find attractive?
Why do you think it so vital that research should have been carried out to evaluate the predilections of the male gaze? Hmm

MiggeldyHiggins · 31/05/2018 20:50

You did though.

What do you mean why do we care? Its a discussion, you made a ridiculous and clearly wrong (and as I said, kinda racist) point, we are explaining to you why you are so wrong.
you seem to think that just repeatedly saying its a fact makes it so, even though you think it hasn't been studied so you have no basis for claiming it as fact.

It has been studied, of course. And you are wrong.

JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 20:53

No. I didn't.
Please quote me or stop misquoting me.
One or the other.

I actually find it amusing that you think most men don't prefer women with those attributes.

Amusing and a bit self deluding tbh.

MiggeldyHiggins · 31/05/2018 20:55

Why self deluding? What makes you think I'm not precisely as described?

Or perhaps I'm a man. Or perhaps I'm of a race that doesn't fit your description and finds your repeated assertions that most men find that the most attractive to be really offensive. Hmm

JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 20:55

Also my battery is dying and I'm on the train without a charger.

However feel free to use clicky links to prove how wrong I am.

If you've somehow got better things to occupy your time with, I quite understand.

JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 20:57

There isn't a race that doesn't fit my descriptors in a minority of instances.

Its only in a small minority of instances that any woman fits those descriptors exactly in any case.

Blaablaablaa · 31/05/2018 20:59

It bothers me for many reasons . On a personal level I worry about the messages we are giving to young people. It's damaging to suggest that all men will only find one physical type sexually attractive.

Professionally, I abhor any type of gender stereotyping and it's a specialist research area of mine. So many posts on this thread were perpetuating the stereotype that men can't help themselves, will always be attracted to younger women and women who look a certain way ...oh and they can't help it because it's biology 🙄 it's incorrect on many levels and seeps into other aspects of our lives. The original post was about whether a male teacher found his young student attractive. Would there have been a thread like this if it was a female teacher and male student? I doubt it.

I also hate people passing off "facts" when in reality it's an opinion. Just because you believe it doesn't make it true. At least back it up with actual evidence if you want to be taken seriously.

MiggeldyHiggins · 31/05/2018 21:01

There really is, but nice try.

I don't need to give you links to prove you wrong, you're the one claiming it as a fact, so why don't you give us some links to show some proof of that fact? Should be easy if its a straightforward and widely known as you claim?

JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 21:04

I'm on 1% but I'll be concise.

I never stated that men prefer the above descriptors to the exclusion of all others

I also never mentioned a biological basis for my assertions.

Facts existed way before everything was emprically studied.

I don't much care if you take me seriously. This is a frothy subject. We are all much more than our physical attributes.
Men's preferences in this arena do not negate that fact.

JacintaJones · 31/05/2018 21:05

Well you so want to prove me wrong but if you can't be bothered to do so then in that respect alone I applaud you.

Blaablaablaa · 31/05/2018 21:07

Oh and research in to this area is important - especially as the ideal you talk about has been forced upon us by media, Hollywood and the porn industry. It's important to understand why that is the case and what the far reaching consequences of this are. Plus, research for research sake is interesting. It's fascinating to see how society's idea of attractive changes over time and why that is. Who decides? What are the influences?

Blaablaablaa · 31/05/2018 21:11

Facts existed before everything was empirically studies .... I don't think you understand the word empirical in the context of research.

MiggeldyHiggins · 31/05/2018 21:12

Certain physical attributes are almost universally considered attractive

thats what you said. Its racist, its wrong, and its stupid.

boilerhouse2007 · 31/05/2018 22:40

''Oh and research in to this area is important - especially as the ideal you talk about has been forced upon us by media, Hollywood and the porn industry.''

Actually in studies, babies will stare at an attractive face more than a non attractive face which would challenge that.

Blaablaablaa · 31/05/2018 23:19

@boiler can you cite the study? How how they defined attractiveness?

Blaablaablaa · 31/05/2018 23:19

*how did

MiggeldyHiggins · 31/05/2018 23:23

Which studies are that, and who decided which are attractive?