AIBU to feel depressed because I'm ugly

[Boo89]

I have a very ugly face. I looked normal as a child, but developed a very large and hooked, witchy nose and ultimately look very unattractive. I wear full makeup everyday which helps a little bit, but there's not much I can do about it aside from plastic surgery. It's not just the nose, otherwise I would have a nose job, my whole face is odd. It's affected my confidence as I don't like people looking at me, and consequently I'm very reserved and introverted.

My life is okay. I'm 28 and have an okay job, although I'm not great at it. I got married last year and I think my husband likes me in spite of my appearance (not sure why, but best not to question it).

But I still feel depressed about my appearance. I'm not sure why, I mean I'm married and surely as long as my husband loves me it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks? But I still feel awful every time I see a picture of myself, and I have even felt suicidal over this (amongst other things).

I think that unless you have experienced being ugly (not changeable things like being overweight, or having acne etc, but just being unavoidably ugly) you can't know how awful it feels to be judged every day for something you can't change.

AIBU? Should I just get over it and count my losses?

OP, I get it. It is horrible to feel judged in this way when just trying to get on with your day, without ever knowing exactly why one is being judged.
It is good though that you have had some lovely responses here from people who see below the surface.
And your husband loves you.

I just reread pps and saw that your DH is terminally ill, OP, I’m sorry.

I know that when I go out feeling tired or emotional, I lack outward energy, although I am always polite. It can feel as if some people take this personally and react negatively to me.

I have mixed heritage as well and don’t look like most of the women in my area, but I think it’s something to do with how I interact with people. I have a couple of friends who are beautiful and they have some kind of positive circle going- they are smiled at by the waitress, they smile back and chat, it is all reinforcing. This doesn’t happen naturally for me.

I don’t know whether this makes much sense, just sympathising really and wondering if your circumstances are affecting you more than you think, rather than your looks making a difference.

What a bloody marvellous thread!
Op, I hope many of these posts will have made you feel a bit better.

I feel your pain OP.

Big-nosed, I too have been snubbed by new homes saleswoman.

I saw a photo of school mums on a night out and realised it was good I didn't go as I would have ruined the photo.

CBT helped me realise that a school "pal" told me that when I smile my nose looks broader and so I hadn't smiled for 2 decades

Oliversmumsarmy - Sorry to hear about your DP, and also sorry to hear about your past experiences, reading it has brought tears to my eyes.

💐

I am not photogenic at all, i hate pictures of me plus photos put the pounds on, which i don;t need. i do say on here ' i dont care' but clearly i still do when it comes to photos etc! so i avoid at all costs.

In particular I took comments from my sister and gran on my 'ugly face' and 'harsh features' to light, as they were unfiltered and honest

If it's any consolation, OP, my grandmother used to regularly comment on the gap in my front teeth and my 'enormous shoulders' (I'm 5'9", and built like like the rather good rugby-playing second row that I am).

I have, however, grown up into a woman who is regularly complimented on as being 'stunning' (mwahahaha, humblebrag, you know the rest).

A lot of that comes not from my looks, but my self-confidence: I don't apologise for my looks, which I know are not 'classically beautiful', but I am handsome, and more importantly, I am clever, and kind, and a good person.

Also, my grandmother was a poisonous bitch, so fuck her.

I've never met anyone really ugly. You see your crooked nose, other people will see your wide smile or lovely eyebrows or something. Think about it. Don't you notice the best in people? I bet you're beautiful.