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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

490 replies

treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 01:13

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating. Hmm

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

OP posts:
altiara · 02/06/2018 01:02

Wow! I read the thread very early on, but what an update. What can I say except pass the Pringles round and cats are awesome! (Well hopefully you’d get one good one out of 20, but risky odds, possibly on a par with finding a good boyfriend, lucky you have dogs! Wink)

QuackPorridgeBacon · 02/06/2018 01:19

Fucking hell. What a crazy cunt. You know what, it was so good that he went along with you and thankfully you didn’t waste anymore time on this man. In fact, it’s a good thing you don’t live together as it seems this could have gone so much worse for you. I’d ask for nothing less than a restraining order as this is seriously scary. Glad you’re ok though op.

JoanFrenulum · 02/06/2018 01:43

Well since OP is fine (phew) can we say the moral of the story is always take a new squeeze to see someone stick needles into one's arse? Just in case they turn out to be a ruddy nut job. Did I get that right?

Bibesia · 02/06/2018 06:20

So he assumes the staff at the clinic are shagging every single patient? They must be very busy lads.

gingergenius · 02/06/2018 07:08

What a fucking nut job. Glad you're ok OP. Enjoy your Pringles!

Dsc1907 · 02/06/2018 07:57

Glad he's been arrested. Even more glad you're ok.

If you are worried about how to spot the early warning signs in future, which would be pretty understandable after this, the Freedom Programme really helped me with that. Expect there are other recommendations others can make too.

Gabilan · 02/06/2018 08:49

They were horrified. I'm just glad it didn't escalate to violence and tbh glad that he was so aggressive with the police as they will probably not take kindly to it.

Throwing a bin sounds pretty violent to me. The whole thing sounds violent. I'd be very surprised if this is the first time he's done something like this. Fingers crossed he already has some kind of record and the police can build a picture of what he's really like. They won't take kindly to him spitting at a police officer at all.

AviatorShades · 02/06/2018 08:58

He's really not very bright is he?Shock. Demonstrably violent and spitting at a P.O.?
Jesus wept! You really dodged a bullet there, trees.
Hope you're OK, it all must have been so traumatic for you.

Excited101 · 02/06/2018 09:11

Crikey op! Lucky escape

Orangecake123 · 02/06/2018 09:37

I'm glad your safe OP.

Flowers

His rage sounds very dangerous.

Motoko · 02/06/2018 09:38

Yes, you need a restraining order. The reason I said about moving, is that I'm worried about him stalking you, waiting outside your house, or even setting fire to the house. It sounds extreme, but what he did yesterday showed that he is extreme. So many women get killed by their ex partners, and he sounds like someone who would do that.

You need to be very careful.

I agree with doing the Freedom Programme, and I've also seen Lundy Bancroft's book Why Does He Do That? recommended on here a lot.

headinhands · 02/06/2018 09:41

I could understand him feeling a tad uncomfortable seeing another man touching you like that but he can get to fuck calling you a tart. That's a line you don't let people cross.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 02/06/2018 09:46

WOW. Definitely “lucky” to find out now. Maybe he cane off his meds???

Clutterbugsmum · 02/06/2018 09:51

so aggressive with the police probably because it was a female police officer.

Glad you are ok, I hope you get some peace from this man and have a good weekend.

FatherMackenzie · 02/06/2018 10:09

@clutterbug

I was thinking the same. Bet it was a female police officer he spat at. Twat.

Thank god you’re rid of him @op. Let’s hope it’s for good now and he fucks off and leaves you alone.

It’s enough to put someone off dating for life!

PositivelyPERF · 02/06/2018 10:09

I was beginning to doubt you until you mentioned the half price Pringles. 😋😉😁

All joking aside, I’m so impressed with your strength of character and level headed thinking. So many women come on here making excuse after excuse, for the scumbag they’re with, that this thread is actually quite uplifting. Don’t worry about the therapy staff. Now that they know you’re ok, it’ll give them a great story for around their dinner table.

I was with a controlling much older man when I was in my teens and if I had Mumsnet I might have left sooner. I’m convinced this is why Mumsnet is hated by so many, it’s because it is a place that gives so many women the courage to leave abusive relationships.

FatherMackenzie · 02/06/2018 10:11

I’m convinced this is why Mumsnet is hated by so many, it’s because it is a place that gives so many women the courage to leave abusive relationships.

Yes! I think the same. Some men, (thankfully the minority, I think), just hate to see women helping or supporting each other.

Walkaboutwendy · 02/06/2018 10:22

*I’m convinced this is why Mumsnet is hated by so many, it’s because it is a place that gives so many women the courage to leave abusive relationships.

Yes! I think the same. Some men, (thankfully the minority, I think), just hate to see women helping or supporting each other.*

Couldn't agree more! I think the fact that it gives women support and a voice to say No more! is very threatening to a lot of men.

It's inspiring me to teach my daughter strong boundaries.

Thank you nest of vipers! Flowers

MrsST · 02/06/2018 10:42

Bloody hell OP that did escalate quickly, you don't have a bad taste in men. He probably laid the charm on thick and was very nice to you. At least like you said you've seen his true colours before you got married and had kids!
It sounds like you cared for him but didn't love him. He sounds like he was possessed!
I don't think you'll be on your own forever at all but I'd take the time out to get back into doing what you want to do. Any hobbies, socialising etc.
I have an ex that sounds similar (never to the extent of yours) he was very controlling and when he finally dropped me out of the blue I had nobody to turn to as he'd driven all my friends away inc a lad I was very friendly with at uni who I was obviously shagging Hmm
Onwards and upwards from here on in

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 02/06/2018 11:11

Op, if you do need to zap this thread, I would just like to wish you the best of luck! I hope that the outcome is that this man has no place in your future. That the chiro guys understand and keep being themselves around you.
I also hope that you find a nice man to share your time with!

AskAuntLydia · 02/06/2018 11:57

I think you need to take a very large box of chocolates to the clinic.

I think I need to take hard liquor etc.

I know this is jokey and well-meant, but we should really be aware that the OP is not responsible for her lunatic ex turning up at the clinic and threatening and committing violence there.

She is not in any way, shape or form, responsible for his behaviour. She does not need to feel embarrassed or apologetic about him. She is not responsible for him, she did not cause his behaviour, she does not owe anyone else any apologies for him and what he chose to do.

Women are often blamed for men's behaviour and it is that basic fact, which is part and parcel of the behaviour itself. We need to be aware of that and refuse to countenance it, even in jest.

OP, good luck with the court case and getting an injunction against this bloke. It's so fortunate that you didn't just write it off as a one-off. Shock

SandAndSea · 02/06/2018 12:11

So glad you're OK. Flowers

(You wouldn't have this shit from cats.)

Fluffyears · 02/06/2018 12:47

I would get a restraining order as he’s obviously crazy enough to keep turning up.

RebootYourEngine · 02/06/2018 12:50

Wow that escalated fast.

Glad you are safe.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 02/06/2018 13:02

You wouldn't have this shit from cats

Hmm, I dunno, have you been on the Litter Tray threads? Furry little cuntweasels, some of them. Grin