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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

late husband being a liar

160 replies

percheron67 · 27/05/2018 20:45

My husband, with whom I have one child {disabled}, died a while ago. I nursed him through a terminal illness accompanied him on hospital visits and visited every day when he was bed bound.

We had talked over our monies before he became ill and I said that. if he left the finances to me during my lifetime, I would make sure that his children fro a previous marriage would have a legacy when I died. \I needed to ensure that I would have money around in case anything that could improve her life {treatment abroad, maybe} would be possible. He knew full well that I am scrupulous with the handling of money.

In due course, we had a meeting at his Solicitors because he insisted that he wanted to leave a large sum of money to his daughter. I had, albeit reluctantly, agreed. When the meeting started it turned out aht he wanted his sons to inherit on his death and not mine. I feel I was bullied into accepting this although I was furious about the way it was done. This move seriously depleted the estate.

After his death it appeared that he had taken out large insurance policies for the other children {not my daughter} and so they inherited a great deal of money each. The solicitor said to me that if he had known about the policies he would not have pushed to have the children inherit directly but leave the money in the trust until I passed on. I am trying not to be bitter because, ultimately, it will affect my health but I have nothing but really bad feeling towards my husband. How he could play such a dirty trick really hurts. There is much more I could have done for my child with the money left elsewhere.

OP posts:
KittenBeast · 27/05/2018 20:48

Just so we can get the full picture, is your daughter also his?

Queenoftheblitz · 27/05/2018 20:48

How awful. Any idea why he did this?

Sommelierrrr · 27/05/2018 20:51

This is bust dreadful op. No wonder you are extremely upset. Has he left your dd otherwise well looked after? Did he have form for this kind of deceit while alive?

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2018 20:51

Yes, I don't quite understand, is your daughter also his daughter? I know you have a child together, is that the daughter you refer to?

WineIsMyMainVice · 27/05/2018 20:55

Oh I feel for you. Does your solicitor have any advice? Good luck x

Thehop · 27/05/2018 20:55

If your daughter is his biological child can’t you challenge the estate?

Branleuse · 27/05/2018 20:55

so you and your daughter have nothing?

Can you contest it?

AnathemaPulsifer · 27/05/2018 20:55

That must be so hurtful. Do you think his children were influencing him?

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 27/05/2018 20:58

That must be really hard for you. Not just because of the money, but because it's harder to grieve for a man who has shafted you when he should have left you some comfort and hope for your daughter's future.

SandyY2K · 27/05/2018 20:59

My husband, with whom I have one child

It's his child.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2018 21:00

Also what was the split of the estate op?

RedHelenB · 27/05/2018 21:03

Sorry but I wouldn't have trusted you if I were him, too many anecdotes of stepparents shafting the other children.. Did he provide for you and your daughter in any way?

HeedMove · 27/05/2018 21:04

If I ever remarry I will be making sure my will means my children will inherit on my death. Why should they need to wait till my new partner passes.

Did he not leave you and your daughter anything or did you for instance inherit his share of a house or something that will then be passed to your daughter and is equal to what his other kids got? Its only fair they all get an equal share. I dont however see anything wrong with him wanting his kids to inherit on his death and not yours.

SandyY2K · 27/05/2018 21:05

So he wanted his children to inherit on his death... which is fair IMO.

He must have taken out the policies before he became ill.

I said that. if he left the finances to me during my lifetime, I would make sure that his children fro a previous marriage would have a legacy when I died

This could mean a long wait for them and you could easily have not left them anything. It's happened before with step parents.

He should have left more for your daughter ...beating in mind her disability.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2018 21:06

I’m so sorry OP, that’s awful. You must have so many questions.

WittyJack · 27/05/2018 21:08

Could he have forgotten about the policies? If it was a one off payment made many years ago, and he was ill, it could have slipped his mind?

notapizzaeater · 27/05/2018 21:10

Have you got enough to survive? House ?

Could you contest it ?

Gazelda · 27/05/2018 21:13

So did all of his estate go to his sons, and none to your or his daughter?

Coolaschmoola · 27/05/2018 21:15

My granddad did what you suggested.

In the 50's, when my dad was 7, he ran off with another woman, leaving my grandmother a single parent to four children.

He divorced my grandmother and married the other woman. He died five years later.

It was 45 years before his children saw a penny from his estate. His wife outlived him by that many years.

As long as you and your child were fairly considered in the will I don't think he did anything wrong.

You said you wanted the entirety of tge estate during your lifetime in case your dd needed things to improve her life including treatment abroad. The costs for that could be astronomical and perhaps he thought if he left everything solely to you during your life you may spend a much larger proportion on your child, leaving his with a far smaller amount on your death? Perhaps he thought this fairer.

It all depends on what proportion of the estate was left to you.

Coolaschmoola · 27/05/2018 21:17

"There is much more I could have done for my child with the money left elsewhere."

It's comments like this that make me wonder if he knew you would prioritise your child together over the rest of his children...

JosBoys · 27/05/2018 21:18

he insisted that he wanted to leave a large sum of money to his daughter
Was this a lie or did he leave a large sum of money to your DD? Are you annoyed that she didn't get an insurance pay-out on top of that sum of money?
I don't blame him for leaving the money to his sons rather than trusting you to let them inherit on your death. It's not a personal insult, just a practical step when he was still able to make his wishes clear.

SamandDean · 27/05/2018 21:21

So are you annoyed that he left his children money in his will? Did you and your daughter not get anything? If you did then you are definitely being unreasonable as it was his money to distribute however he wanted. if he left everything to his children and nothing for you and your daughter then that was very selfish of him.

EssexMummy123456 · 27/05/2018 21:21

Its sad but it was his choice

Coolaschmoola · 27/05/2018 21:22

"This move seriously depleted the estate."

There was money left. If he had three other children (dd and two sons) plus wife and dd with her he may have split it five ways.

It could be fair, but the op wanted more for her dd and less for his other children...

"There is much more I could have done for my child with the money left elsewhere."

C0untDucku1a · 27/05/2018 21:22

This is tricky because i think it is right his children inherited after his death.

How long were your married?
Is your dd his?

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