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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

late husband being a liar

160 replies

percheron67 · 27/05/2018 20:45

My husband, with whom I have one child {disabled}, died a while ago. I nursed him through a terminal illness accompanied him on hospital visits and visited every day when he was bed bound.

We had talked over our monies before he became ill and I said that. if he left the finances to me during my lifetime, I would make sure that his children fro a previous marriage would have a legacy when I died. \I needed to ensure that I would have money around in case anything that could improve her life {treatment abroad, maybe} would be possible. He knew full well that I am scrupulous with the handling of money.

In due course, we had a meeting at his Solicitors because he insisted that he wanted to leave a large sum of money to his daughter. I had, albeit reluctantly, agreed. When the meeting started it turned out aht he wanted his sons to inherit on his death and not mine. I feel I was bullied into accepting this although I was furious about the way it was done. This move seriously depleted the estate.

After his death it appeared that he had taken out large insurance policies for the other children {not my daughter} and so they inherited a great deal of money each. The solicitor said to me that if he had known about the policies he would not have pushed to have the children inherit directly but leave the money in the trust until I passed on. I am trying not to be bitter because, ultimately, it will affect my health but I have nothing but really bad feeling towards my husband. How he could play such a dirty trick really hurts. There is much more I could have done for my child with the money left elsewhere.

OP posts:
percheron67 · 01/06/2018 17:59

staples. The interest from the trust helps out but I have state benefits too. Don't be misled by "Trust". Trusts are not always for a great amount of money. This trust was set up for tax reasons I think but was seriously depleted when four large amounts of cash let it.

OP posts:
percheron67 · 01/06/2018 18:01

Lakielady. That does sound horrid to me. I get on well with my step children and wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I had done that. I suppose it takes all sorts. Thank you for the message.

OP posts:
percheron67 · 01/06/2018 18:04

Boxsets. I have read and appreciate your comments. There is a huge backstory with regard to first wife's assets. I am not prepared to discuss, however, because that would certainly ring bells with the step children and I have no wish for family arguments and/or recriminations.

OP posts:
percheron67 · 01/06/2018 18:07

To all the kind people who have tried to help in any way. I am going to close this post now because I feel that I have given more info than proper. I didn't know how much good wishes from people whom one has never even met can be so uplifting. Thank you all very much. Onwards and upwards.!!

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 01/06/2018 18:08

He had children from a previous marriage and wanted, quite rightly, to make sure they were looked after. You said you do "some work" for a charity - why don't you go back to work full-time? You said that you had put your daughter in residential care, so this surely means that you have a lot of time on your hands now that your daughter is in care? Working is the only sure-fire way of getting more money.

percheron67 · 01/06/2018 19:12

Just to put you right. My daughter is NOT in residential care. She is coping with assisted living which is entirely different. I am still responsible to help her make this change in order that she has a permanent place to live when I die. You really ought to check your facts.

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 01/06/2018 19:51

You said she was in sheltered accommodation, and you "visit regularly". I just suggested that you could get a job as you aren't doing day to day care for your daughter. Working full-time in paid work might not be what you expected to do or would choose to do (many people wouldn't), but it might prove to be essential to generate savings and to give security to you and your daughter. As women nowadays, I strongly believe that all of us should be independent and never rely on someone else, as our own efforts are the best way to gain security.

wowfudge · 03/06/2018 08:01

The OP stated her daughter is in supported accommodation. That is not residential care. Check your facts before you post. Telling the OP to go and get a job and generate savings isn't what she posted about either.

blueshoes · 03/06/2018 16:47

Check your facts before you post

It is unreasonable to assume that everyone appreciates the difference between supported accommodation and residential accommodation. Unless someone has experience of this, it is understandable to not get the distinction or what the distinction entails. Checking facts makes no difference.

Thank you for the explanation.

wowfudge · 04/06/2018 16:43

The pp stated the OP had said her daughter was in residential care - the OP never stated that at all. Nothing to do with understanding - just wrong.

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