AIBU to feel upset about being threatened at my birthday

[DontBreakMyCamera]

So it was my birthday party yesterday - it basically involved two of my mummy friends coming around with their kids and partner, as well as a uni friend to enjoy the garden with food, tea and cake.

As a background I used to be a photographer in a past life (so name change as I don't want to be found out) so love taking photos at any opportunity, especially my birthday celebrations .

Everyone who knows me knows that I love my camera and taking photos - this includes the partners as I send them photos of their kids that I have taken and then they have used them on Facebook etc.

So it is early on in the party when I'm happy taking photos when I take one of my friend and her husband just chilling and he in what felt like a very aggressive manner "don't you dare take a photo of me again!"

Now as a photographer I have always respected people's wishes and even actively shown me deleting an image of they did not feel comfortable with it or made sure to avoid taking their photo of they have politely asked.

This just shocked me as I'm only 5"2 and he's going on 6"2 but what followed did even more. He then in a hushed tone went "and that was me asking nicely if you get my drift" before sitting down with his wife and they laughed about how he broke someone's else's very expensive camera when they didn't get the point (all said while giving me a very pointed look).

I come from an emotionally abusive background so I tend to think me opinion and feelings don't matter so just played nice hostess and walked away.

Later when I felt OK to be taking photos again I went to take photos of two of the girls playing when he was near by - he at this point picked up a ball almost like in a threatening manner incase I turned to take a photo of him.

Let's just say I put down my camera for the rest of the party which for me is heart breaking (it is what I love doing and helps with my memory) and made me feel very threatened in my own home at my own birthday party.

When my husband asked if I enjoyed myself I said yes other than when the friends husband basically threatened to break my camera and that my friend just sat there agreeing about his past behaviour concerning this. He said wished he had heard it so he would have kicked him out.

A few hours later he tells me it has been playing on his mind and he doesn't want me to see any of them though this is just the cherry on top to why.

If he's happy to threaten me and my stuff at my own birthday party, what sort of behaviour or attitude will he feel free to have towards me and my family in other situations. I don't want to go around their house now and it is making me feel uncomfortable with what my friend thinks is acceptable behaviour. There are other things that have slowly been changing how I see her but this really shock me and realised that she and her husband are very aggressive towards things that don't fit in with their view or opinions.

AIBU in wanting to agree with my husband and not see them again? And if so what do you even say in that situation!

You sound very young op. Do you think maybe you got a little over-excited/carried away?

You sound very young op. Do you think maybe you got a little over-excited/carried away?

could you sound any more patronising

How is 15 photos getting carried away?

He sounds very dodgy to me, not wanting his picture taken, is He worried he will be caught out doing something He shouldn’t? Is he secretly married to someone else? Is he in trouble with the Police?

P.s ditch the ‘friends’ anyone makes you feel bad you don’t need them in your life x

Not read all the comments but my xp was abusive. I’d of made light of /tried to diffuse his (extremely inappropriate) aggressiveness towards someone by making a joke or exactly what the wife done. If he is also abusing her then she’s likely just using self preservation techniques in this case. The times I had to bow my head and ignore his behaviour I’ve lost count of, but it was better than confronting him and taking a beating later on.

I think he was aggressive in his language and made his ‘point’ more than once .. no need for that . Unless he was trying to be funny but it doesn’t sound it . Is this how he usually carries on , like a bit of a dick ?

The amount of people on here making excuses for a mans aggressive behaviour towards a woman is astounding!! If he doesn’t want his picture taken he should politely say so...”would you mind not taking my photo”. Job done.

You sound very young op

The old ones are the best ones, eh?

YANBU. That was a terrible way for him to speak to you in your own home at your own birthday party. Mentioning breaking someone else’s camera and then picking up the ball aggressively was unforgivable. Agree with your DH. Don’t see them again. Sorry this happened at your party OP!

YANBU, I don’t like pictures being taken of me but husband reaction was not nice.
He sounds very controlling. I would keep this couple at an arms length. You don’t need this in your life.

I’m afraid I’m another one who dislikes excessive photo taking at gatherings... Every event involving DHs family has dozens and dozens of pictures taken, while you’re eating, while you’re blinking, while your mouth is half open talking but you look like you’re on Prozac.

Then come all of the tags on Facebook etc because every picture in all it’s hideous glory has to be uploaded, shared, enjoyed “for the memories”. It’s something I dread prior to every meet up.

That said, I’ve never threatened to break the camera. I may have visualised doing it though

YWBU for taking photos without asking, naturalistic/reportage style or not...and that includes his kids.
HWBU for not asking you simply to delete said shot and refrain from taking any more/concentrate on other guests.
So you were both in the wrong.

OP, i am not going to read this thread bc just a few of the responses patronising you makes me very angry.

NOBODY IS EVER ALLOWED TO THREATEN YOU OR YOURS PHYSICALLY OR VERBALLY. NEVER. EVER.

IT IS AGAINST THE LAW IF NOTHING else.

Ignore criticism of your actions. Next time you have new friends over, graciously ask before shooting their photo. But it is not your fault that this horrid couple think it is acceptable to break things. That is bullying, illegal and nasty.

In this age, women seem to get upset if husbands or partners "tell" them what to do. Nobody says we have to listen to them! But sometimes, our partners see more clearly. Your husband was not out of line. Those bullies were. Drop them like a hot rock. It will be a matter of time before their dc learn their aggressive ways.

(Finally, few people are less photogenic than me. But I politely allow my photo to be taken in social situations. No real excuse as long as you were not going to post on social media.)

Wow this guy really dosnt like you taking a photo of his hat does he? Aggressive twat, your history prevebted you from being in a position to tell him to fuck off so I would make sure you focous on your self worth and confidence but I would also tell his enabling wife why you want nothing more to do with them.

What the hell!

A small party in a friend's home and he acts like that? Appalling.

He was utterly unreasonable and aggressive. Please do not see him again.

We host parties all the time and no-one, out of my (obviously now) sane friends even bloody notices. What are people trying to hide so paranoid about?

I don’t think that you are being unreasonable and there was no call for him to behave that way. I’d keep your distance from them from now on. I also think it’s lovely to have photographs of events like this, and a friend should support your passion for photography.

Baffled by all those excusing threatening behaviour and somehow trying to blame the OP for his behaviour. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like having his photo taken, it doesn’t matter how many photos OP may have already taken, threatening her is NEVER ok. A simple “hey OP would you mind not taking anymore photos of me? Thanks” would have done. Not only was he threatening, but he had the gall to do it in your own home. Disgusting individual. I’d say good riddence.

I'm not happy with having my photo taken either, if you are known for this I wouldn't be at your party.

Yet again so many excuses for aggressive male behaviour towards a woman. Op I feel sorry for your df that this behaviour seems normal to her.

I understand that some people hate having their photograph taken, it’s perfectly reasonable to object to this and ask not to be included. It is unreasonable and completely unacceptable to speak to another person in the intimidating manner this man spoke to op. There was no need and he was behaving like a nasty bully.

While I think you should avoid this man at all costs, I disagree about keeping your distance from df. She may need your support in the future.

Your house, your camera, your photo.

You putting that on social media is another matter.

Maybe he's hiding from the mafia and needs to be protected and you might blow his cover.
He was rude.

Doesn’t matter why he got upset etc the fact is he was intimidating to the OP
Other people may not think that his behaviour is anything to be concerned about however that doesn’t matter - it’s how the OP felt

I recently had an incident at work which really made me question every career related aspect of my life, seriously I couldn’t function

Now to the outsider looking in the incident itself probably didn’t think anything was wrong but to me at that point in time it was potentially life changing - I actually wrote my resignation letter.
I had counselling and learnt that the incident itself wasn’t the actual problem it just “tipped me over the edge” so to speak

So no you are not being unreasonable atall and I would avoid confrontational situations with him again (actually I’d do everything in my power to never see him again but that’s just me)

Cary, He didn't threaten you FFs

It is not threatening to say 'that's me asking nicely if you get my drift'?

Have a word with yourself, seriously.

OP, while I agree with what you are saying 100% and think he was out of order i think maybe you need advice from someone else who saw/heard it. You say your husband only has your version to go on (as do we), so maybe ask your other friends who were there? They will have more insight on his tone/behaviour better than anyone hearing your version.

Why does everyone want supporting "evidence" and won't take OP's word for it?
She's reported what he said, what his wife said, about breaking someone else's camera, and him guesturing as if he's going to hit her with a ball.?
That is threatening behaviour. At her home, whilst continuing to enjoy her hospitality. They are taking the piss.
OP has admitted that she is anxious and not very assertive and this pair of bullies picked up on it.
Does he sound like the kind of shy and retiring guy who couldn't have said politely, please don't photograph me?
They are not timid flowers who are camera shy. They are on facebook.

Their young daughter has her own facebook page, with their full consent and they have used OP's photos on daughter's facebook page.
They are invited to a birthday party of a professional photographer, who they have known for some time. They didn't have to accept the invitation.
I suspect that there is jealousy at play here. OP has a talent they don't possess and this bully couldn't bear not to be the centre of attention.

She took a total of 15 photos. That is not harrassing anyone. Anyone who didn't want them could have made their views known in a polite fashion and not ruined OPs party. I would be upset if someone did that to me.
These people are not your friends OP. Dump them.
Its really nothing to do with whether some people on this thread don't like having their own photos taken.
Some of the comments here just continuing this man's bullying