To tell this woman her 14yo dd is going to have sex?

[Luckything50]

Advice pls wise ones. My 14 (nearly 15 if that matters) ds and his lovely gf are planning to have sex. Much discussion going on over instagram (I have access to his account) she's about to get the pill next month and asking him if he wants to... he's saying yes but thinking about risks... so what, if anything, do I do? Have chatted about condoms (he said he was going to be sick having that conversation 😂) but should I be asking them not to, and should I mention it to her mum? We're not friends but she's messaged me in the past about them facetiming at 4 in the morning and seems cool, has a job where she meets lots of teens. I also have a 12 yo dd and would like to know. What the consensus?

''And she doesn't sound like a bad parent at all.''

Christ-will you seriously get a grip.I actually thought the op was a troll post.

If this was my daughter I wouldn’t be happy at all. And if it was my son I would be advising him not to sleep with a 14 year old girl because it is illegal.

I find it quite disturbing that OP thinks it’s ok.

boiler If she was a bad parent she wouldn't give a fuck what he was doing.

X2boys I know but sex with a girl under 16 is against the law and he could find himself being cautioned.

lucky He won't.

no a good parent would not even have to seek advise for this-you simply say no and keep a close eye on them. Make it clear it is not to happen. This old ''but they will do it anyway'' is mere bad parenting. He is a fucking child and so is she.WTF is wrong with people here???

She's not going on the pill, her mother is taking her to get an implant.

''Gosh I seem to have the impression that lots of 14/15 year olds are sexually active or is that not the case?''

it is not the case, not full sex at that age and i am not that old. For a girl to be having sex at that age would ruin her reputation, I really cannot believe the passive attitudes here and I say this as a man.

Hmm... just find it really odd that whether or not these kids should be having sex is a public conversation on Mumsnet and Instagram but not a conversation that is being had f2f between parents and children or even the children themselves. That doesn't sound healthy to me. Both parents need to be talking to their children and the children need to be talking (not instagramming) each other. My dd1 is a couple of weeks from 16 and got a first boyfriend (also 16). They're at the very, very early stages and certainly not sleeping together yet. We have had various conversations pre boyfriend but I'm going to have an ongoing conversation with her about everything. Not a sit down formal thing just side by side conversations about how she feels about the boy, reminders about the interaction she has with him on social media and take it from there.

boilerhouse, you're wrong. It is very common for teens pre16 to be having sex. The idea that it would 'ruin a girl's reputation' (but not a boy's) needs challenging.

Ok looked it up (too much time on my hands clearly!) And it seems that whilst it's an offence Home Office Guidance is that is no intention to prosecute where both are under 16 and mutually consent. I still would be discouraging him strongly though. Particularly since he isn't even comfortable talking about condoms!

@boilerhouse2007 I think there has always been a group of kids who have sex underage, and they really were/are the talk of the school. It then appears like all kids are doing it when in fact it's only a small percentage.

Of course, there are quite a few kids who do sexual things underage, but I think the number of them who go on to have underage intercourse isn't too high.

sex with a boy is also against the law Lucky do you really think the police and the CPS have the time and the energy to prosecute to 14 yr olds having consensual sex with each other?

Ruin her reputation? Give me a fucking break. Not his though, right. Yeah, not surprised you’re a bloke.

I lost my virginity at 14 but it certainly didn’t ruin my reputation, but then I wasn’t having sex with a boasting dickhead of a boy.

under 16*

The police will really not be interested. To them it would be like underage drinking. Move on from this. It's not the issue.

so what sentence would the judge actually give a 14 yr old boy having consensual sex with a 14 yr old girl then ? assuming no coercion etc ?

what would be on his record they a red both underage?why can't she also be prosecuted?

abuse or coercion is obviously different.