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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this woman her 14yo dd is going to have sex?

412 replies

Luckything50 · 26/05/2018 09:42

Advice pls wise ones. My 14 (nearly 15 if that matters) ds and his lovely gf are planning to have sex. Much discussion going on over instagram (I have access to his account) she's about to get the pill next month and asking him if he wants to... he's saying yes but thinking about risks... so what, if anything, do I do? Have chatted about condoms (he said he was going to be sick having that conversation 😂) but should I be asking them not to, and should I mention it to her mum? We're not friends but she's messaged me in the past about them facetiming at 4 in the morning and seems cool, has a job where she meets lots of teens. I also have a 12 yo dd and would like to know. What the consensus?

OP posts:
x2boys · 26/05/2018 16:55

absolutely Dotty whilst 14 doez seem very young to me my son is 11 if he was going to have sex at 14 I wouldn't be thrilled but if would make sure they were being safe , parents Burying their heads in the sand and making up nonsense about statutory rape helps no one .

Whattheactualfuckmate · 26/05/2018 16:55

It’s not s ‘ban’ dotty it’s discussing and talking through with your child (because at 14 they are) the risks and trying to understand why at such an early age they want to start their sexual history.

I really do think it’s the minority of young girls that have a ‘positive’ experience at having sex at 15.

I’ve actually just caught MTV teenage moms and they are all emotionally so immature. Why turn a blind eye when you can at least try and discuss the situation

Whattheactualfuckmate · 26/05/2018 16:57

x2boys well assuming you have too lads I’d like to bet your a bit biased. How would you feel if a 14 year old girl came and told you that you were now a grandma... would probably accuse her of doing it on purpose to trap him Hmm

x2boys · 26/05/2018 16:58

you got that out of my post whattheactualfuck?Confused

x2boys · 26/05/2018 17:11

and just for clarity I don't think it's right that any 14 yr old should be having sex but it happens and if they are going to be having sex then should at least be having safe sex .

Angelil · 26/05/2018 17:12

Put condoms in his room.

Sounds like both sets of parents need to take devices off them at night though. FaceTiming at 4am is **ing ridiculous.

Angelil · 26/05/2018 17:21

BTW people there is no such thing as an actual V-card (thank you, Urban Dictionary!): www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=V-Card

nostaples · 26/05/2018 17:23

Haven't read the whole thread. Why is that that the children are having this discussion over instagram?

IrmaFayLear · 26/05/2018 17:23

The girl’s mother is “cool” ?!?

Any mother who condones her 14-year-old having sex is an idiot who is quite derelict of duty. Agree with pps that teens need a parent at home who is concerned for their welfare, not some cool mate.

speakout · 26/05/2018 17:23

Fucking nuts OP.

The fact that you feel you should be having steerage over this situation should tell you children having sex is bad.

You sound like a bad parent.

speakout · 26/05/2018 17:27

IrmaFayLear totally agree.

imeanreally2 · 26/05/2018 17:27

@nostaples Instagram and snapchat are the most popular social media platforms for teenagers now. Texts, Facebook and twitter are old fashioned

Luckyme2 · 26/05/2018 17:29

Not read the full thread sorry but if having a discussion about condoms makes him feel sick he's definitely not ready to be having sex! They are way too young and you need to be telling him not to. Include in your discussion that he will actually be breaking the law. She's 14!

Quickerthanavicar · 26/05/2018 17:30

I'd get two house bricks and a lock for his bedroom door.

speakout · 26/05/2018 17:31

This is not to do with being prudish- it's about self esteem.

speakout · 26/05/2018 17:33

14 year children should not be having sex.

Often early sex is an indication of family dysfunction.

nostaples · 26/05/2018 17:34

@imeanreally2 just seems strange to be having this conversation on social media instead of RL. Does that mean everybody else can see this conversation too?

boilerhouse2007 · 26/05/2018 17:35

''It sounds like you have been far too liberal with your DS to me. You should be telling him very clearly that they are below the age of consent, what they are planning isn't legal and yes, you are telling her mum.

The part of your OP where you use a laughing emoji is the part that I find strange. This isn't funny. They are too young.''

thank you-op get a bloody grip. They are both CHILDREN and for you to find any of this funny or even be entertaining the fact they are having sex is totally inappropriate.

Nicknacky · 26/05/2018 17:35

speakout Having sex isn't "bad" and that's not the way to deal with this situation.

And she doesn't sound like a bad parent at all.

callmemaybe8 · 26/05/2018 17:37

@nostaples I assume it was private messaging and the OP has her son's password

NotTheFordType · 26/05/2018 17:37

Often early sex is an indication of family dysfunction.

Or total boredom. The one-horse town I grew up in had fuck all else to do after 6pm. I was close friends with 6 girls from school and I think there was only one of the group who hadn't had sex by 16.

x2boys · 26/05/2018 17:37

Luckyme they are both 14 !!

boilerhouse2007 · 26/05/2018 17:38

''I really don’t understand the “if they want to do it then they will anyway “ argument. Would that apply to anything else then ? Drugs, for instance ? Would you help a child get hard drugs because the alternative might be that they could take drugs in less safe conditions ? Or alcohol? Or driving without a licence ?''

yea exactly-clearly alot of ppl on this thread need to be bloody sterilized with their views on how to raise a child. You should have a zero tolerance to kids sleeping with each other....I do not even have to justify that point.

x2boys · 26/05/2018 17:38

so the girl will also be breaking the law Hmm

ittakes2 · 26/05/2018 17:39

Gosh I seem to have the impression that lots of 14/15 year olds are sexually active or is that not the case? I thought it was very sensible she is thinking of some sort of protection and good you had a chat with him about condoms and protection. You can tell him it might be better to wait - but at the end of the day it's their bodies so while I think you are doing the right thing suggesting they wait - they need to know you are still available to talk things through if they don't.