To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

[Balloon65]

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

It reminds me of a wedding we went to with afternoon tea. Two stands with sandwiches, scones and cakes arrived at our table of 12.

I presumed they would bring more, but no that was that. There were some big sports playing guys on our table and I managed to get only a tiny scone and a chocolate dipped strawberry. I was soooo hungry. We had to stay for the evening and it was in the middle of nowhere...

Do you normally go that long without eating a proper meal?

I have done so on many occasions for various reasons and… lo and behold! it didn't kill me.

From afternoon tea to midnight is approximately seven hours.

Carolynnnna

“Do you normally go that long without eating a proper meal?

I have done so on many occasions for various reasons and… lo and behold! it didn't kill me.

From afternoon tea to midnight is approximately seven hours.“

But it’s supposed to be a celebration, not an endurance exercise!

I can, actually, go a long time without eating if I'm having fun; probably more so if there's booze. But that doesn't mean I expect everyone else to do the same without complaining.

Is there a McDonalds etc nearby. I can predict a mass exodus in the evening. The Bride and Groom will be wondering where all their guests have gone.

But it’s supposed to be a celebration, not an endurance exercise

Exactly! Where's the fun and the joy in grimly eking out a couple of sarnies and a cupcake just because 'it's possible'?

no idea where people got the idea that it is an 'American custom' except that nearly everything that's rude, tacky, naff or grabby is assigned to being American

Exactly, expat.

I'll tell y'all what's not an American custom: having a party with no food.

I cannot understand people who throw these weddings and give no consideration the their guests’ enjoyment. The invitation came complete with a request for money too.

OP Unless they are close family or very close friends I would politely stay away from this wedding!

Are you driving? If so, take a picnic hamper in your car. Or if you aren't, take a larger handbag with a couple of sandwiches. I wouldn´t depend on the pub next door. It could quickly get packed out.

'I'll tell y'all what's not an American custom: having a party with no food.'

This! I've been to several dry weddings - Muslim, Mormon, certain Christians - but there was plenty of food! I've been to several that were church ceremony and then the whole wedding was a reception in the church hall with cake, nibbles, coffee and non-alcoholic punch, but no lack of food (and no 'give us money' in the invitations). I've been been to a BBQ one for an outdoor wedding (second time round for both, very laid-back affair) where the couple supplied the meats, cake and tons of beer and wine and asked guests to bring sides and there was tons of food, no gift requests but we all clubbed in and got them a huge voucher to REI, a major outdoor goods store in Colorado and they are both serious mountaineers. Great time!

Being hungry and pissed and stuck in the middle of nowhere kinda sucks.

Are you planning on going? I'm not sure that I would.

I went to a wedding last year where there was a sit down meal starting at about 4.30 then a bit of a break when some of the more elderly relatives or those with children seemed to go home and others went for a walk , rested or refreshed their make up etc then a much later evening disco which was very much for the bride and groom’s local work colleagues or wider social group who were not close enough enough to take precedence over close friends/family at the size limited ceremony and reception . There wasn’t any food offered Inthe evening and it was a pay bar and I don’t think anyone was surprised or offended that there was no food laid on for that. Maybe because that part was held in a different room in the hotel it felt like what it was, a bit of an informal additional party. We had eaten earlier than we would have for a usual evening meal but it was a three course meal and wouldn’t have been looking for yet more food in the evening.

I agree with the people saying could you find a way to say something, maybe talk to a bridesmaid or relative who'll be sensitive - I'd be mortified if people were not wanting to go to my wedding before it had even happened because I'd not realised what a mistake I'd made with catering (or similar). It's possible they're just being incredibly naive.

''The last few weddings I have been to have been the total opposite. So much food throughout the day that the massive evening buffet went untouched and a free bar all day. ''

while i would not expect free bar all day[unless the couple were maybe the Beckhams or euromillions winners] I do think a plentiful supply of food is essential.

''Weddings are not about the food and they’re probably sticking to a budget. Nobody is going to starve if they have sandwiches and cake there. ''

While i see your point it is also inappropriate to invite ppl and not look after them, it is bad manners. If you want the big wedding then by all means still have 1 but book a venue room with a bar and have a nighttime party-no presents etc and no food and it went on from 8-3am. If ppl wanted food, there were places right nearby. My sister did that as they were on a budget-only immediate family at the wedding then nighttime open invite. Little expense, no presents except from family and a great day or should i say night.

We did an afternoon tea at our wedding - wedding was at 3, afternoon tea at 4pm but we made it clear that people should have lunch before.

We then had a picnic in a local pretty park and played rounders. We asked people to bring their own food in lieu of presents but we provided alcohol. We were very cash strapped when we got married we didn’t do favours/wedding cake/favours/honeymoon etc so I think people understood and we had a lovely day. I hope our guests did and didn’t think we were stingy

''Herded into a small windowless anteroom while dining room being prepared and wasn't opened until b&g returned, given one drink, no seats, secondary drinks £10 each. People sloped off to the pub. I believe the couple were clueless about it and i didnt like to say!''

Yep this happened at bf wedding, i went for a second drink[non alcoholic too] and was told it was only 1 drink each. When i told bf after she and her groom were furious as they had never being instructed that was the case and were going to ring hotel.This was a very small wedding too[not because of budget reasons just because they were private and wanted a quiet one] and the couple were very financially comfortable as were their families so i knew they would not have being on a budget especially with so few guests. Hotels can sell packages and make a couple look stingy.

''Went to a wedding recently where it was a buffet. Everyone queued at once, by the time we got to it there was barely anything left, the caterers had massively underestimated how much 150 odd people can eat sad Plus the time spent queuing! Much prefer sit down meals.''

I have heard about too many weddings that end up like this. Personally, i think buffets are generally inappropriate for weddings and are better fixed for something like a 21st birthday night as people generally have alot less expectations with being fed etc. Plus the timescale is generally much shorter.

For a wedding a proper sit down 3 course meal is best as it ensures everybody is properly fed and then have the buffet in the evening. In my experience of weddings this works best. A buffet just fails on so many levels when it is over 25 people looking for a decent meal.

If you’re not happy with the food arrangements, I don’t think you should attend the wedding.

In my experience the food is often poor at weddings and functions in general. It wouldn't be the fear of inadequate food that would be putting me off going it would be the lack of respect for the guests in general.expecting your friends and family to dress in their best ( often new )clothes, make up , hair etc baby or dog sitters, travel, possible hotel stay and give money to the Happy couple' to subsidise a holiday is only acceptable if you provide a lovely celebration for them to enjoy. I rather like weddings and most guests are disposed to be charitable towards the B&G if eg they disappear for photos before everyone has been given a drink or the acoustics are a bit shit during the speeches but this attitude that the only people who matter are the newlyweds drives me mad.

''In my experience the food is often poor at weddings and functions in general.''

Most weddings i am at it is your basic 3 course meal and I don't know what else ppl want with buffet in the evening and a few treats as you arrive at the hotel with a glass of wine or champagne. Keep it that simple and if you can't afford it then curb the invites or simply just invite immediate family or a few very close friends only and have a party after with an insistence there is no gifts.
In my opinion feeding your guests well on a long day is your number 1 priority, as long as the bar is there most will happily pay for drinks themselves and then either get a dj or a band. The booking of a hotel is expensive enough as well as the aforementioned so I don't know why people try to over complicate with anything else. And yes the day is very much for the guests. If ppl take the time and effort to come to your day and give you a gift then look after them same as if they would come to visit your house.

Dorothy That sounds a lovely wedding.

Mabey they might be a bit broke. It is weird. At least you know and can pop into the pub next door.

I suspect they are more the type that think that eating more than a scone and a few sandwiches is piggy.

Went to a wedding that was at 12 and no food was provided till around 8pm. It was sliced pork sandwiches and cold roast potatoes. We all ended up in the pub next door ordering food!