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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

349 replies

Balloon65 · 25/05/2018 23:20

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 26/05/2018 12:20

Not sure about stingy but definitely misguided and rude.
Surely enough people to stalk mumsnet now to know what is acceptable and what isn't in terms of weddings?
30 years ago ,and before I assume , when I was at peak wedding going age there was a basic knowledge of how to conduct yourself. Main issues now seem to be , don't organise a wedding that you can't afford and respect your guests.Every time I read one of these threads , to which I am weirdly drawn , I feel dismayed, depressed and annoyed , all at the same time!

SharpieHorder · 26/05/2018 12:22

Eat beforehand.

That goes for lots of situations, actually Smile

Macarena1990 · 26/05/2018 12:22

I would swerve it!

The last few weddings I have been to have been the total opposite. So much food throughout the day that the massive evening buffet went untouched and a free bar all day. It costs people fortunes to attend weddings, the very least you can is make sure they are well fed and watered! I'm surprised the parents haven't intervened - mine definitely would.

rabbitmat · 26/05/2018 12:23

I went to a wedding like this. The ceremony was at 12 so no one would have thought to have had lunch beforehand. By the end of the ceremony I was quite hungry not having eaten since breakfast. After the speeches the food came out and it was just like the OPs buffet. There was no evening do but the wedding went on until about 8pm. I always thought it was a bit mean.

carribeanqueenmumofthree · 26/05/2018 12:33

We had a buffet at our wedding, for 100 guests. There was plenty of food to keep people going afternoon and evening. You did have to wait and then get your own food, but that's no hardship. It was way too expensive to have a sit down meal (and due to family circs, we couldn't have less guests!)

carribeanqueenmumofthree · 26/05/2018 12:35

(And we were wed at 2.30, so people should have had lunch before they arrived...)

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 12:38

Why on Earth are you going to this? It's shit! They're not even watering their guests, much less feeding them. They don't give a shit if people go to the pub because they can't be arsed supplying food.

And again, it is NOT an 'American custom' to 'cover your plate'. Bullshit! Why do people think this or keep repeating it?

Their wedding is a money-making exercise, hence the request for cash.

No food, pay for your own booze and if you don't like it hte bride's response is to fuck off to the pub. Hey, as long as you hand over an envelope with cash she's happy.

I've been to afternoon tea weddings that were lovely, plenty to eat and tea and coffee to drink, BBQ weddings, even weddings where the entire reception was cake and coffee in the church hall straight after. The common ground is that: there was plenty to eat and drink, no tacky request for handing over money as a gift.

Why enable this? Either don't go or tell the B&G they are being stingy.

CoraPirbright · 26/05/2018 12:54

We had a buffet and table plan for our wedding - not sure what the problem is with that really Confused. I really like buffets - you can have what you want. I dont really like having an already-plated meal plonked down infront of me. So provided there is tons of food (we had enough for my parents to give a large, impromptu lunch the next day!) then I am a fan. I also like tea - cucumber sandwiches, scones, cream, jam etc. What’s not to like?

I have no idea what they think they are doing spending so much money on the fripperies like photo booth but not giving anyone any food in the evening though - really badly planned or just plain tight?

LoveInTokyo · 26/05/2018 13:07

Photo booths at weddings are fun. But they are very much an optional extra, if you can afford one after feeding and watering your guests! No one will even want to use it if they aren’t having a good time.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 13:18

Buffets are okay if they are catered properly. But it appears there are a lot of lazy arse caterers who put all the food out at the outset and then throw up their hands when it runs out instead of working the buffet properly and staggering the food so all the guests get to eat.

BlueJava · 26/05/2018 13:23

At my wedding (now divorced) the waiters and waitresses went on strike and the manager and a few people he managed to scrape together served our sit down dinner! Sorry irrelevant to your problem - but yeah I'd take extra rations.

OliviaStabler · 26/05/2018 13:29

Went to a catered event the other day. I let the first wave go for food who were clearly starving. I go up there once the rush was subsided to find no sandwiches left andmost of the other savoury food gone. There were a few tiny cheese tarts but everything else had gone. I managed to flag a member of staff for more food but it took a while. I sat back down with no food and my table were shocked (none offered me any of theirs though Grin)

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 13:38

If all-day guests know there will be no more food after the buffet you can better believe the ones at the first tables will absolutely load their plates if the caterers just put all the food out at once (and I bet these ones will) and the last tables will get nothing.

The whole thing sounds like a shitstorm and I've no idea why people go to such things and hand over money, too.

SenecaFalls · 26/05/2018 13:38

I would apply the American custom (usually hate American customs)

This is not an American custom.

One American custom I would recommend in this situation, though, is to have just one wedding reception. It is clear that the B and G don't want to spend money on the "evening do" so they should just not have one.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 13:39

' I sat back down with no food and my table were shocked (none offered me any of theirs though grin)'

That was shitty of them.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 13:48

Exactly, Seneca! I pointed that out, too, no idea where people got the idea that it is an 'American custom' except that nearly everything that's rude, tacky, naff or grabby is assigned to being American. I find two-tiered weddings a rude custom myself.

A wedding was traditionally a feast, not an Instagram platform for the couple with a side chance of picking up some cash. Hell the miracle of Jesus turning water to wine in the Bible was to spare the host of the wedding embarrassment because the wine to water the guests had run out.

Of course, a feast doesn't have to include alcohol, but to be stingy with food is rude.

It sounds like they just want to fripperies and trimmings and money from the guests without a thought for them at all other than as props for their performance.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/05/2018 13:50

I think anyone who goes to the pub is going to be disappointed too.
If there are so many guests, and a high percentage of them decamp to the pub at roughly the same time, the pub is going to be overwhelmed as well, and will take AGES to serve food.

If anyone going to the wedding knows a kebab or fish'n'chip van, I'd get them to tip off said van owners to turn up outside the venue at about 7pm!

Carolynnnna · 26/05/2018 13:53

LOL at the idea that people will be "starving" if they have to go without food for a few hours.

Carolynnnna · 26/05/2018 13:55

Put a dairy milk in your handbag if you're that worried...

boilerhouse2007 · 26/05/2018 13:55

''Buffets are okay if they are catered properly. But it appears there are a lot of lazy arse caterers who put all the food out at the outset and then throw up their hands when it runs out instead of working the buffet properly and staggering the food so all the guests get to eat.''

i'm thinking it has nothing to do with the caterers but with the money paid- bad buffets are alot more likely to be the wedding done on the cheap.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 13:56

'LOL at the idea that people will be "starving" if they have to go without food for a few hours.'

Yes, how silly of people to expect to have something to eat at a wedding whilst they're probably imbibing a quantity of alcohol, too. Haahaa on them! Hmm

LoveInTokyo · 26/05/2018 13:57

The wedding starts at lunchtime and goes on until I would guess about midnight, Carolynnna.

Do you normally go that long without eating a proper meal?

OliviaStabler · 26/05/2018 13:57

That was shitty of them.

If they thought there would be no more food, they would have offered. Promise!

The hotel was nice but think they were hoping we'd eat less? Funeral was at noon and lots of people had been travelling many hours (myself included) to get there. So by the time we were at the hotel and the food was put out (1:30pm) many of the guests were famished.

I wish they had been more generous with the food and kept an eye on it. The bar did excellent business for their profits. Not sure I'd go again, the tea and coffee was lukewarm at best.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 14:00

Oh, Love, it's MN, there's always some orthorexic freak who is utterly disgusted by food and eating so tries to shame and guilt anyone who eats normally.

ReanimatedSGB · 26/05/2018 14:01

@Carolynnnna, it's normal to eat about once every four hours. Children, diabetics and people on some medications need to eat at regular intervals, and will be either miserable or unwell if they are stuck somewhere and unable to access food without making a scene - it's even worse if they are expecting food and none is provided.

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