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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to give my ex husband half of my savings

188 replies

cushion53 · 25/05/2018 07:21

I bought a house 14 years ago. My husband insisted on having his name on the title deed. He gave up his job to be a house husband and I worked to pay for everything, bills, school fees, mortgage everything. He was a useless deadbeat dad, drank all day, never helped in the house so I ended up doing my full time job and most of the home stuff as well. We finally parted ways very very bitterly. The house was sold and the proceeds are in my bank account. He's moved to another country where he still has no job. He's demanding that I give him half of the proceeds from the house. I am still working and paying to support my kids who are now in uni. We are officially divorced. Because of where we live the judgement involved him paying me money, which I never persued. I'm prepared to send him a monthly stipend but my lawyer here says I'm not even obliged by law to do that. He sends me threatening whatsapp messages demanding 'his money'. If I block him he pesters our daughter. AIBU to keep the money where it is and invest it carefully for my kids future? Or send him his half to be squandered on booze?

OP posts:

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/05/2018 08:42

Maybe because it isn't her money in the first place

DoraJar · 27/05/2018 09:34

YADNBU - stick to the legal position and keep the money for you and your DCs (which it seems to me is both morally and legally correct)

Maelstrop · 27/05/2018 10:11

If the law is on your side, he can frankly get to fuck. Why should you support his lazy arse so he can lounge round drinking all day? Morally and legally, you owe him nothing. He returned the cheque to you, he can jack off. Your children are more important. One presumes he is physically able to get a job rather than rely on his ex to look after him evermore?

Strawberry2017 · 27/05/2018 10:25

Don't keep enabling him to be a waste of space father. It's time he took responsibility for himself.
He cannot rely on you for the rest of his life, He obviously has access to some money if he's moved country's and he must be living somehow.
Think of you and the kids now. If you genuinely feel you need to give him some money then give him what you tried to give him before and then call it quits.

eileandonan · 27/05/2018 10:28

YANBU leave it for him to try and take you through the courts....sounds likes bum

Whisky2014 · 27/05/2018 10:42

whats the point in this thread? You know you dont have to legally give him any money, but you want to? So just do that. And if you don't want to then....dont.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/05/2018 10:48

Really you need to see a solicitor and find out where you stand, and go from there.

stillnotbored · 27/05/2018 10:49

I think that what you want is by the by. He gave up his job. You say he was deadbeat.

The sexism is astounding here. If the sexes were reversed you'd be being told to get all you can.

Disgusting.

Dungeondragon15 · 27/05/2018 10:53

Lucky for you that you divorced somewhere that doesn't take non-financial contribution to marriage or (apparently) names are on the deeds to the house into account. I know you say that he didn't do housework etc but it sounds as if he would still have received nothing even if he had done all the things you begged him to do i.e. housework, cooking, childcare, volunteering etc for the 20 years or so that you were married. Do they just look at who earned the most money during the marriage and then give that person all the assets on divorce? I hope SAHP in this country realise this.

The fact is that you divided the proceeds from the house, he trusted you to look after his share and now you have decided to keep the money anyway because you have found out that the law in the country where you divorced will let you do that. That is not a nice thing to and I'm not sympathetic about the fact that he is asking for the money. I hope he takes you to court, proves that you have stolen the money you agreed to look after and that you have to pay the court fees.

Dungeondragon15 · 27/05/2018 10:58

The sexism is astounding here. If the sexes were reversed you'd be being told to get all you can.

Bit confused.. If OP was a man she would be told to get all she can?!

Xenia · 27/05/2018 11:24

My husband got 100% of my savings (I earn more).

I haven't read the whole thread. Is she living in England and did she divorce in England?

GreenTulips · 27/05/2018 12:16

The sexism is astounding here. If the sexes were reversed you'd be being told to get all you can

No - they'd be told to listen to the solicitors advice.

Besides he has contributed nothing to the familly, no childcare no housework no job or any ongoing costs.

She offered him the money and he refused because he isn't adult enough to be trusted with that amount of cash - or it upset she his benifits claim - he's moved away and no doubt has little to do with the children albeit adult ones.

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/05/2018 16:48

Can you imagine if a woman came on here and said their exh had said he would look after some money for her then said he wouldn't be returning it.
If she wants it back she needs to take him to court.

Would the reply be he is being controlling and call the police as it is theft or

Morally and legally, you owe her nothing. She returned the cheque to you, she can jack off

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