To think this woman is using stress leave for chilling out?

[Skylight23]

Not a friend, I know her quite well because her DS and mine have been friends for a long time. She is a doctor with NHS and her DH has a city job.
She has been on and off on stress leave for a few weeks. Her younger DS is doing 11plus this year and her brother’s family is visiting them for 2weeks (from USA). She told me the other day that she is struggling to manage everything and she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off. She has been shopping, spending time with her brother’s family. Also hot housing the younger one with tutors. She can’t take him to this particular tutor if she works (tuition 4pm to 6pm). So much for being stressed! She isn’t stressed. She just has soo many other things that she wants to do, that work is coming in the way! I won’t be surprised if she gets stressed again in August (school holidays, summer days on the beach, 11plus, childcare costs). She always hated the fact that she has to work (in debt to eyeballs). She gets really pissed about her DH not making enough for the lifestyle they want. Makes jealous comments about SAHMs at school.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous. I too wanted time off when DS was doing 11plus, I too wanted paid time off when my family visited (without having to use my holiday entitlement), I too want time to generally chill out. But my conscience won’t permit this “crying at the GP” thing.

This was on your mind at 3 in the morning? Fuck me, says more about you than her.

And BTW, it's called sick leave not stress leave. And finally give yourself a pat on the back for perpetuating mental health stigma.

Green doesn’t suit you OP.

OP you reek of bitterness. If this woman is taking the piss then the NHS has an absence management policy which will sort it out. I'm off following a bereavement and I'm going to Majorca next week. Report me too if you like

"I refuse to be intimidated!"

You are truly a modern day Rosa Parkes.

OP. Stress leave is so you can take time off for stress. No where does it tell you how you must take your stress leave.
If she finds seeing family and spending time with her kids relaxing then it's fine.

Stop being jealous, get on with your own life

She may very well be taking the piss. She may not. Regardless, that’s between her and her conscience.
Just get on with your own life.

YADBU OP. She is a Dr and she is under immense stress with her day to day job without everything else going on in her life.

Ignore her.
Chill yourself. You do not need extra stress.

I've only read the first page but I read the OP as complaining that her friend is pretending to have stress to get some free time off to fit in all the things (some fun, some mundane) that she wants to do. Not that she's genuinely stressed and in need of time off. And this sort of thing pisses me off because it means that genuinely stressed people aren't believed.

I think you need to focus on your own life. Channel your resentment elsewhere and leave her to it.

You sound like the kind of reptile who reported me to my department when I was on sick leave following surgery because they saw me walking my dog in the local park. Exercise was a majot part of my recovery, just as doing relaxing things helps to recover from stress-related illnesses. You're jealous and vindictive.

There's no such thing as stress leave, and if she's making a habit of it, it's possible that she's playing the system within her employer's absence policy. But TONS of people do that, have the maximum amount of 'sick leave' they can each year without triggering formal procedures. It's her rules and her conscience. Yes, you could be annoyed about it; I'd be annoyed at someone saying 'i'm going to cry to my GP and get signed off' - makes it sound flippant and could undermine people whose consciences don't allow them to.

But ultimately it's none of your business and if her employer wasn't the NHS would you even think of reporting her? What kind of Dr is she? Her role may need her functioning levels to be really high. Her sickness 'entitlement' (not that it's that) is between her and her employer.

And none of us knows what's going on behind closed doors. She may have made the GP comment to make light of it (crass, in my opinion).

You can be annoyed; jealous; judgemental even. But report her? No. Just no.

It comes across that you're ignorant and/or jealous.

She probably realises you're judgemental and bitchy and is therefore cautious about how much information she shares with you.

She may find it easier to pretend there's nothing much wrong rather than admit the depth of her feelings/problems. She's hardly going to turn to someone like you for support.

Jealous and mean.

Do you have any friends at all?

So, you want to report a woman who is going on sick leave (or sick absence) because she, personally, is feeling stressed enough to feel in herself that she can't work. The reasons behind this are none of your business. She feels she is stressed so she is doing something about it.
You want to report her. Without knowing who or what organisation you plan to report her to, do you not think that this would be adding to her stress levels and thereby making her need to take additional time off???
You have no idea what is going on with this woman and I'd recommend keeping your nose out of her business. It's not your business.

Op there's a difference between being stressed out and being unable to cope with that stress. Well done you being stressed but still coping. Have a medal

Sounds like shes downplayed it to you as people often do because of people like YOU who cause a stigma to be associated with such things.

You have no idea. With a friend like you who needs enemies!!!!

Wow, you are truly ignorant about mental health. You need to educate yourself, because as a parent you should have a more enlightened attitude.

I will second what redherring said. She is probably making light of what IS probably a very challenging time for her. If you come across in real life as you do on here then there is no way she would confide in you.

Being a GP is, on its own, a highly stressful job. I work closely with GP's and the patient consultations are just the tip of the iceberg. They do much much more than this. And as a GP she will be fully aware of the implications of being signed off will bring to other aspects of her life including travel and life assurance policies. This will probably need to be declared for these purposes. She would not undertake this lightly.

Really op you are talking about someone and something you know nothing about and are coming across as spiteful and jealous.

Of course stress leave should only be used/given for genuine circumstances. Unfortunately it would be very hard to prove that she is taking the mick as you suspect. There will always be people who play the system and this is both unfair and morally wrong. But despite what you think you know, there might be underlying circumstances. Or not. You are only responsible for yourself and if it bothers you that she's potentially taking the piss you should not be friends with this woman, but it's not your place to try and report her. You need to mind your own business and focus on the fact that you and your family do the right thing. Worrying about people who take advantage of situations is not worth the mental strain or resentment. It might even stress you out to the point where you need to take leave.

I've been signed off because of stress twice in my 46 year working life.

The first time was for 4 months, when I was close to a complete breakdown. After 3 months, I had to go and have an interview with a senior manager and HR, and I was in such a state I just sobbed all the way through. I went back, albeit reluctantly, after another month but I wasn't really well enough. I struggled on for another 2 years and then left for a less demanding job, and it took another 2 years before I felt properly well.

The second time, I was in a different job, still very demanding but with a very supportive culture where stress and mental health are taken seriously. I had a lovely senior manager who rang me every week or so, reassured me that everything was fine, and explained that when I wanted to come back he would make sure that I had a light workload to start with until everyone, including me, felt that I was properly able to cope. They also paid for 10 sessions of counselling.

I went back after a month and my return to work was really well supported. I was fine, and still am.

Stress can ruin lives, and can be so severe that some people never recover. Attitudes like the OP's are just beyond vile.

‘AIBU?’

‘Yes’

‘No I’m not ‘

You can’t see inside someone’s head go know exactly what they are feeling. This woman has sought help in a time where people’s mental health is still cause for embarrassment because people like you judge.

Be kind OP, not jealous

You sound really spiteful and nasty (and stupid) OP

Gosh - you sound horrid Skylight.
Really unpleasant.

Mind your own business