To think this woman is using stress leave for chilling out?

[Skylight23]

Not a friend, I know her quite well because her DS and mine have been friends for a long time. She is a doctor with NHS and her DH has a city job.
She has been on and off on stress leave for a few weeks. Her younger DS is doing 11plus this year and her brother’s family is visiting them for 2weeks (from USA). She told me the other day that she is struggling to manage everything and she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off. She has been shopping, spending time with her brother’s family. Also hot housing the younger one with tutors. She can’t take him to this particular tutor if she works (tuition 4pm to 6pm). So much for being stressed! She isn’t stressed. She just has soo many other things that she wants to do, that work is coming in the way! I won’t be surprised if she gets stressed again in August (school holidays, summer days on the beach, 11plus, childcare costs). She always hated the fact that she has to work (in debt to eyeballs). She gets really pissed about her DH not making enough for the lifestyle they want. Makes jealous comments about SAHMs at school.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous. I too wanted time off when DS was doing 11plus, I too wanted paid time off when my family visited (without having to use my holiday entitlement), I too want time to generally chill out. But my conscience won’t permit this “crying at the GP” thing.

Op, I don't understand why you've asked the question if you refuse to believe you're wrong.

I can’t decide here whether you’re being unreasonable (and therefore me too because I pretty much agree and she sounds like she’s taking the piss) becausee every point above is great because quite right you have no idea how much someone can be struggling.

The alternative is that people have relied from their own experience and haven’t considered the possibility that someone IS using sickness to basically get more holiday and do what they want.

You sound jealous and you don't sound like a good friend.
You have absolutely no idea what's going on in her head. Stop being so judgy and concentrate on your own life!!

"She clearly wanted time off, but didn’t have any holiday left."

The leave year starts in April. She won't have used it all before the end of May.

Are you American OP? Kids "riding" in the car and her being "pissed" (pissed off)? Do you have an agenda here? Anti NHS? Anti sick leave, anti NHS workers? Also who calls it stress leave? It's sick leave?

It's not 'stress leave' it's time off sick - abuse it and you will be dealt with by your employer.

OP is it really any of your business. Has it got anything to do with you.
She's a doctor? Perhaps this time off will help her perform better in her job. Working for the NHS IS stressful IMO.
Seriously you sound very jealous.

Unpleasant OP.

There is no such thing as “stress leave”. It’s sick absence. GPs decide who should be signed off. Employers decide how to manage sick absence. This may include management processes - with the risk of dismissal - for people who take a lot of sick leave, and putting number of sick days on references.

Whistleblowing is for when employees reveal problems with organisations. Not when third parties report staff to an employer for perceived misconduct!

What would you allege anyway: that she is not (in your view) unwell and has lied to her GP and employer? How could the employer actually investigate that? That during her sick leave she has had house guests and helped her DC prep for school entrance exams? That’s not a conduct issue.

Wonder if you are the US sil!

I see you have added some embellishments because you aren't getting the response you hoped for.

Is the OP qualified to diagnose stress from the position of a bystander?

No she is not. No-one is.

For goodness sake keep your nose out of it. If she is genuinely stressed then you being a snitch is going to make things worse and if she is playing the system her employer will figure it out eventually.

By your own admission you hardly know this woman and get you seem to know at lot of details about her life almost as though you are obsessing about it. Just leave it alone, get on with your life and accept that you don’t know all the ins and outs of this persons life who is only connected to you via your sons.

You have come here asking for opinion and almost every person is telling you that you are being unreasonable at best. Take the hint

She’ll be under the usual NHS sickness policy, which although generous compared to some, isn’t indefinite.

She may or may not be embellishing her feelings, only she knows. But life is unfair sometimes and we are only responsible for our actions and choices. If you don’t like the woman, take a step away, make your own moral choices for your family.

I worked with someone who was signed off sick with stress every August. Everyone knew. Maybe something in his life happened annually, maybe not, but it was his life, his choice. I didn’t much care as my only concern is what my boss and colleagues think of me and my actions.

Personally booking a gp appt to discuss fake stress isn't fair and I do understand the original poster point of view.

Neither you nor the OP are qualified to judge if the stress is 'fake' or not.
Even if you have more medical qualifications than anybody else on the planet you cannot judge purely on what a person is choosing to let you see or what you read on an Internet forum.

If you're stressed then isn't chilling out the best way to de-stress?
Mind your own business.

OP - picking what you like from my post won't get you the response you are seeking as the one taking unpaid leave was not stressed.
I will add the relation, whose colleague she was, ended up on 6 months sick leave due to stress.

This is one of those threads that makes MN look like its populated by spoilt, rich women whose only problems are 1st world ones.

FFS OP shut up and count your numerous blessings.

People are waking up today with no idea how they are going to fed the meter or their kids.

You're too busy being jealous to understand you may not know the whole story.

Are you stalking this woman? You seem to know an awful lot about her considering you hardly know her. It might be worth looking at yourself and speak to someone if you are getting as obsessed as you are on here.

She is none of your business, leave her alone.

Op, you do actually sound really stressed. Have you considered taking some time off?

I don't believe this goady thread. I work in the NHS and there is no way that this fictitious Dr would be taking repeated periods of time off foe stress, she would be placed in sickness management disciplinary proceedings, the NHS takes repeated sickness seriously.
Just not possible.

This is one of those op's where the scenario is posted but the responses don't matter to op as op is right.

The beauty of MN is that we have opinion. I may not always agree with others opinions but over the last 4 years of being on here I've became a better person as I realise that there is a big world out there with people who don't view it the same as me.
I am not always right and after reading some threads on here, my opinions have changed.

I can only imagine the stress that a GP could be under. Imagine listening to everyone else's troubles all day every day, it must drain the life out of you.

The one thing I hate is jealousy, it's so ugly.
I believe ( humble opinion of course ) that to be jealous of someone, you should be prepared to be jealous of the bigger picture, for example, a person with lots of money has a friend who is poor, it would be acceptable that the poor friend may be jealous, how about if the rich friend had an incurable illness but the poor friend was in perfect health?
Would they really want the other person's life then?

Concentrate on your own life and then your own conscience is clear.

Op, yes she may be a Doctor and know exactly what to say to get off on stress leave, but look at it this way, if she is very stressed and really needs it, with your view she will always be lying as she will be just using her knowledge of the system to get stress leave, she will never be able to convince you of the truth, even if her need is genuine.
Yes she knows exactly what to say, she is a Doctor, of course she knows what to say, may be this helps the consultations go much more effectively and gets results quicker. It really is sad to think that just because she knows what needs to be said and can recognise what exactly needs to be done means she is playing the system. Not everyone in this position will, most will probably be very aware of what people like yourself will think and be more likely to keep quiet and suffer than put up with what your dishing out.

You should definitely go to The Reporting Office and Report her. And her GP. And the 11+

If she’s blagging, she’ll get caught sooner or later. Everyone does eventually. Meanwhile, live your own life kindly and you’ll feel your own stress and dissatisfaction diminish.