Fat and fabulous

[highchairhell]

So I am fat. I like food too much to lose weight and after spending years of my life worrying about my waistline, I've had enough.

I want to look good this summer and see fabulous fat women all the time ... what is the secret to looking fat and fabulous?! Aibu to think that you can still look brilliant at 18 stone?! I just want fashion tips please, not judgement or weight loss advice! Thanks

it's all about whether or not you look pretty and whether or not people fancy you.

The thread is quite long now, so apologies if I have missed any posts, but I can't actually see any references to people being fancied (or not) other than in your posts, Gorgon.

RickOShay
Not one poster has said it is a bad idea to lose weight.

A few people have said things like "life is too short to diet" and "I feel happy with myself so I don't have any intention of losing weight"

Would you agree that a happy person is more likely to lose weight than a miserable one?

No. I've never seen any evidence of that. I have three close friends who have all lost significant amounts of weight and gone from obese to overweight or normal weight.

One was clinically depressed and she stopped being depressed after losing the weight.

One was a binge eater/compulsive eater who lost weight when she went into therapy for the bingeing.

One has lost weight very recently because she wants to have fertility treatment and she needed to get her BMI under 30 to be referred.

I've never seen anything either personally or through studies/research that says "once people are happy with themselves, they lose weight"

More often I've seen it the other way around - people make the decision to lose weight and are much happier when they do so.

GorgonLondon I understand, and I understand the battle, though from the other side. I've won it, temporarily, now I'm losing it again. I'm not proud of that, infact I'm very ashamed. But, I do want to LIVE, and I hope people who aren't as big as me can have some empathy for that, if not any for my size. I'm sure I deserve every health consequence going..but I'm still human.

ScreamingValenta here is one example, the first one on the thread. There are others

Awwlookatmybabyspider Thu 24-May-18 19:44:48
Of course you can. I'm sizə 26 and have never had any problems getting attracting men. I take extreme care of my appearance.
Long long gone are the days when you have to be skinny to get out. I've got no intention of ever losing weight.

Perhaps a report could be commissioned
With respect Gorgon, I do not believe that one person on this thread will change their eating habits on the basis of your posts.

I know lots of women and men who are big, and look fabulous.

A lot of women look good in dresses or jumpsuits IMO, eg a simple jersey dress or shirt dress.

There is something smart looking about a one-piece item vs separates.

Ah, I missed that one, Gorgon.

SomeAreMore I have huge empathy and i believe that people with eating disorders have a lot in common with those who are very overweight/obese.

My friend who was a compulsive/binge eater and I have spent many evenings thrashing out our issues around food. As you say, it's two sides of the same coin really.

Trust me, I understand the shame (I won't derail the thread by going into the details of some of the horrible things that i've done related to ED).

I think that we should all strive to be healthy physically and mentally but I think there is a world of difference between trying to look good while working on ourselves, and on the other hand publicly promoting the idea that obesity (or starvation) is OK

Rick With respect Gorgon, I do not believe that one person on this thread will change their eating habits on the basis of your posts.

Well, you are most likely right. But it's a discussion forum innit.

Gorgon - I do sort of get what you mean. I do some work as a plus size model (even if I got to a size 12/14 rather than a 14/16 I would still be classed as plus size)
I see Tess Holliday and I see how she struggles to stand up etc and I'm not sure promoting that is good but on the other hand I don't think she should dislike her body. It's tricky and I'm not sure of the answer. I think having a range of body types modelling/blogging is a good thing though

But just maybe by feeling more ok about themselves they might not need to fill up the emptiness?
Just maybe?

Ollivander yes - I agree there should be a range of body types. The problem is it's the extremes that we tend to see - so either anorexic teenagers, or Tess Holliday, not anyone on the massive spectrum between those two extremes.

I don't think that TH should 'dislike' her body exactly, but I do think that she should treat it better rather than abusing it.

I haven't looked at your picture but I'm sure you are stunning and I'm sure you carry the weight well.

Rick I understand the theory but I don't see that happening in reality. I think the reality is that 'body positivity' more often than not turns into promoting obesity. And in some cases even criticising the idea of losing weight.

And also I think that the 'filling up the emptiness' urge is extremely complicated and probably not something that can be addressed just through having nice clothes (not that there is anything wrong with having nice clothes...)

I didn't link to a Daily Mail article Father . i linked to an NHS Choices analysis of the recent media coverage of the 'fat but fit myth'.

Well you’re splitting hairs tbh, though I appreciate why. I wouldn’t like to be associated with that filthy rag without good reason either ! Recent media coverage... by the Mail. It doesn’t mention any other media I don’t think..?

Anyway, it’s not really the point. I don’t find it especially helpful. It’s a little like all the articles banging on about the benefits of breastfeeding. All very nice, as long as you can actually manage to breastfeed. For everyone else it’s just a source of pain. I say that as someone who is currently breastfeeding btw.

The message that being a healthy weight is erm... healthier has been received, loud and clear.

And a lot of people (women especially) have very low self worth. It’s not surprising that your friend managed to lose weight for her ivf treatment when she couldn’t before. That wasn’t “just” for her own good.

And weight and MH are linked of course. That’s what I’m getting at. Take steps to improve one and the other might improve too, which is what I’ve been getting at in my previous posts.

Some people will drop stones with no effort when they’re depressed, but others go the other way. It’s just not helpful to say “lose weight” to someone in that position.

Equally it would be bang out of order to tell someone with MH issues who had a bmi of under 18 that they just needed to gain weight and point out that they have a higher chance of a cardiovascular event. It works both ways. A little compassion, even when one is dealing with basic facts, doesn’t go amiss.

Absolutely under and over eating are both sides of the same coin.
I agree with Father that it starts with how you feel about yourself.
Nothing about human emotions is simple, and it is for complex reasons that people overeat, but nobody will convince me that a long list of terrifying health implications will be in any way an incentive to lose weight.

nobody will convince me that a long list of terrifying health implications will be in any way an incentive to lose weight

The terrifying health implications of what I've been doing to my body (through starving and purging) does make a difference to me.

It's not always enough to override the compulsions but it does have an effect.

I don't agree that understanding the real implications of obesity is a bad thing. We all like to bury our heads if we can get away with it.

I gave up smoking a few years ago and being confronted with the terrifying health implications was absolutely a factor in that too.

It’s very personal to you. I can see that. But I still feel that acceptance of ourselves is the first step towards change.

Smoking and overeating aren’t really comparable though. You can’t avoid food.

I think what you’ve overcome with your ED is truly amazing and impressive. I can’t claim to have any understanding of EDs, so I won’t argue with you on your point there.

All I can say is that everyone knows being too fat is bad for your health. Everyone knows this. Nobody thinks it’s the ideal, or in any way glamorous and I doubt anyone aspires to be obese. Society still judges fat people harshly; something which you’d think would be a huge deterrent to being fat. But despite all that, people are still getting fat. Maybe a change of tactic now?

Thank you so much to everyone for your suggestions, I'm feeling much more confident about dressing for my shape now

To all the negative posters who commented despite knowing their input was unwanted at best and downright hurtful at worst, I know that being overweight is linked to lots of health conditions. So is smoking, eating meat, eating processed food, living in a city etc etc. Also, many studies aren't able to say explicitly that it is being overweight that causes the issues or other factors as they can't isolate fatness from other lifestyle and societal choices.

I am tired of hating my body and exhausted trying to justify it. Don't like fatness? Go and get a hobby instead of frothing at the mouth because a fat woman is wearing shorts. I want to feel confident and look nice and don't think that is a bad thing. Deliberately writing hurtful comments on the other hand is a dickish thing to do and no amount of size 8 jeans will make up for your shitty personalities

Jaret's Girlfren You look stunning! Love your outfit.

father thank you but I wish I had as much confidence in having overcome it as you say. It's not a battle that I've won and finished.
Very far from it.

The problem is I think that many people DON'T accept that being very fat is bad for your health. There is so much justification and obfuscation- people saying how fit they are even though obese, people lying to themselves and others about how overweight they really are, people discrediting BMI and other measures of weight, people glamorizing models like Tess Holliday or Ashley Graham, etc etc.

I read this stuff a lot and I see an awful lot of lies and self delusion.

And changing perceptions so that morbid obesity looks 'gorgeous' or 'beautiful' surely isn't something to embrace. If we see the harm in glamorizing anorexia then the same goes for obesity.

Of course, it's healthier not to be fat.

But is it possible to be fat and fabulous? Yaaaaas!

Ah best of luck with it @gorgon . It’s a hideous illness. A few people close to me have suffered with EDs, including my mum, who ended up with some serious health issues. She was also an alcoholic though. She died fairly young as a result of the alcoholism. Poor woman.

You might be right about the obese people in denial etc. I’ve never met an obese person who doesn’t realise they’re obese. But then a lot of my family and friends are quite science-y and on the ball with this sort of thing, so they seem to know precisely what their bmi is and what they need to be to be as healthy as possible.

@op

I totally get it. I’m glad you posted, even if some of the responses haven’t been all that helpful. I truly think that if you start doing positive things for yourself, your health (mental and physical) will improve too. The danger with saying “I must be this weight to be healthy” is that it takes a long time to get there and if you are focussing purely on weight, rather than general health and wellness, (mental and physical), then you might end up remaining the same size anyway and also neglecting your health in other ways.

Good luck with it.

Fat people know that being fat isn´t healthy. Really, they do. But they may not walk around talking about it, firstly because it is no-one´s business but their own, and secondly, because they think they are allowed to enjoy being who they are without always adding a caveat that they would be so much happier/ healthier/ attractive if they were thinner.

When I am at the gym, I am thinking about my weight, becoming fitter etc, when I am heading out for the evening, I am thinking about having a good time, looking nice. I don't actually need to think every moment of the day that no matter whatever else going on in my life, it would all be so much better if only I was thinner. It doesn't mean that I am in denial.

Zoflorabore you look lovely!
I think people have trouble visualising different weights.