Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

No career would ever have made missing out on my children growing up worthwhile, but we're all different

And there we have it ladies and gentlemen. That old dig at working women.

I assume you also feel your husband was not part of your children's up bringing, he missed them growing up. Only you were invovked and responsibile? And your kids agree?

Or do you save your scorn just for women?

Another philosophical question to all the SAHM disrespectors.......at what point in activity MIGHT the SAHM obtain some small level of respect
SAHP and SAHW are different.

Staying at home with the family is different to being a person of leisure.

I don't disrespect stay at home wives. It'e their choice and down to the people in that relationship.
I do think it's risky and gambling with their future.
I don't think I'd have that much in common with someone whose life is 'someone else funding my hobbies'.

Well said, @PebbleTissueScissors.

Why would anyone want to work if they didn't have to? I would love to be a SAHW! However I have lots of interests and things to keep me busy, I'm not a lazy person.

So what's wrong with being a lady of leisure? I imagine a lot of people will just be jealous

I'd ask them to please introduce me to available make friends who could afford me the same lifestyle

Why do so many people here feel they can judge another's choices? It is nothing to do with other people. Their private life. Butt out.

If they aren’t claiming any benefits to support their decision to be a SAHW and they are happy then what is the problem? They could be considered to be freeing up a job for someone who wants/needs it.

Only on MN are there women with such interesting and rewarding careers that they beat having the luxury of being able to do whatever the hell you want, whenever you want. Rest of us mortals just have a job we’d jack in if we’d won the lottery

I'm a SAHW I guess as my kids are both in school and I'm not working. I do all the pick ups, drop offs, after school stuff, homework, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, house admin etc for the whole family and I also do some volunteering. It's not what I envisaged for my life tbh but having stage 4 incurable cancer changes your priorities somewhat. I'd suggest some folk on here stop being so judgey, many people may have good reasons for their choices

im a fannylodger and aprostitue!

i have anxiety and bi polar i dont work dont have kids-i do get funny loks from people mental health just doesnt cut it with some people

ive given up trying to explain its not their business anyway

Hagseed

Thank you. My mum is awesome.

I am a SAHW. I hate it.

I’m one because I moved abroad, following my husband’s career. The terms of my visa did not permit me to work. After several years, I got permission to work, but the jobs market is extremely limited for non-citizens where we live, so although I’ve applied for jobs, I can’t even get an interview.

Being at home means I pick up the crap work while my husband’s career has gone stratospheric. I carry all the emotional load, the admin, the endless bureaucracy, 95% of the housework etc. It’s relentless, boring and lonely. I have no local friends and no social life here. I now take medication for anxiety and depression.

I try to do some things for myself - I volunteer, exercise a little and do a craft class. But whenever the shit hits the fan (as it does regularly) it’s me who has to pick up the load.

I’m sure to some people it looks like I have a lovely life or am lazy. The reality is somewhat different. There is no holiday entitlement here so we can’t get away from it. I’ve sacrificed my career, mental health, self-esteem, social life etc. In hindsight, we made the right choice for my husband and the wrong choice for me.

I guess what I’m saying is don’t judge - maybe for some people it’s a positive choice, but for others it comes at a huge cost. I would never choose it again.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a 'housewife'. Indeed, up until the last couple of decades, it used to be the norm and entirely expected. So expected in fact, that many women railed against it and went and got jobs. They wanted the freedom to be able to decide what they did with their lives, and they chose to work. Years and years of campaigning to change attitudes.

How hypocrital then, that here we all are on this thread with many people now criticising others who are exercising this freedom and choose to not work.

If they receiving benefits then they are unemployed. If not and have the financial luxury of not having to work and don't choose to then fair play to them. I would be bored and love my job, but I am not always typical

Maisy I don't think I'd have that much in common with someone whose life is 'someone else funding my hobbies' I don't know - we could compare thoughts on educational trends, war stories from the classroom, discuss philosophy of education. I happen to be a SAHW at this point in my life, but it was not ever thus when I was a frazzled burnt out secondary school teacher with 600+ kids going through my classroom each week, with all the concomitant marking, planning and resourcing; not to mention the sheer hell of Year 7 reports as I had upwards of 210 Year 7 reports to write, plus tutor reports. Guess what I don't miss?

Only on MN are there women with such interesting and rewarding careers that they beat having the luxury of being able to do whatever the hell you want, whenever you want. Rest of us mortals just have a job we’d jack in if we’d won the lottery
My career is interesting and rewarding. I love teaching but it has its fair share of shit.
If we didn't need the money there are many other things I would probably do. Part time work in an area of personal interest, self employed doing something flexible, volunteering more (I had to give up when i changed careers to teaching because of hours).
I probably wouldn't be full time teaching if DH was pulling in millions but i do find the idea of lounging around in my own little SAHW bubble quite an unnerving idea.

Jealousy of SAHW is jumping off this page.

If you can't or won't change your own lifestyle it's not SAHW fault. That's life.

Being a stay at home wife isn't prostitution. Believe me. I was a prostitute. It was hell, pure unadulterated hell, that I was forced into. Living with a husband and not having a job isn't anything fucking like it. (I'm not married, nor do I live with a man, so of course I can only speak from my own side, but seriously. What a nasty idea.)

No career would ever have made missing out on my children growing up worthwhile, but we're all different

And there we have it ladies and gentlemen. That old dig at working women

That's not a dig at anyone. That's someone telling you what choice they made and why!
I also chose to stay at home when my children were little because I couldn't bear the thought of not looking after them myself. I didn't want to miss out on any of it. My husband wouldn't have wanted to. I had friends who chose to work because they wanted to and some who just couldn't afford not to work.
I don't give a toss what other women choose and I don't judge them but like the poster who said she wanted to be with her children growing up, I think I have a right to say so.
If you feel that's a dig, that's your issue...

So much for the sisterhood eh. It's amazing how this issue divides. Women on whole do better than males in education yet much worse in high level business, government representation etc. Clearly with some people so keen to slate other women's choices, we make it very very easy for the men to run circles around us.

elportodelgato and hugs

Interested to know if they people that dislike it still feel the same about stay at home husband's. I know a SAHH, both parties happy, hubby does chores, cooking, messages etc.. wife is a career girl. Daughter fully grown and left home.

" I get on more with driven people who have specific goals and they tend to be career related. "

So you don't get on with people who do non-career jobs either then?

I guess I am a SAHW. I am in my mid 50s and left a very stressful job two years ago.

I love not working. I do several voluntary things, I enjoy walking our dog and I have gone back to uni to study something I have always wanted to know more about.

My DH earns more than enough for both of us and is pleased that at least one of us can enjoy life and me being at home makes his life a whole lot easier.

We have DDs but one lives 350 miles away and the other is at uni so comes home for holidays.

Hate me if you like. I have a great life and my self respect is very much intact.

My mum hasn’t worked since she was in her 20s largely as a result of illness but also having done the sahm role for decades making her unemployable. I loved having a parent around when I was younger but I don’t know if it has done her any good in the long term as she has become quite isolated. In contrast if I were to win the lottery I’d have no trouble having a fulfilling life as a lady of leisure. I’d do charity stuff, enjoy being around more for the children, do lots of exercise and learn new skills.