Pratrocket But stay at home "married". What is that?
It's great. Ds is at university, so I do most of the journeys back to the UK to pick him up/drop him off. I liaise with the Letting Agent on the UK house, do the tax returns, handle legal stuff that sometimes comes our way. I deal with all the domestic niff naff and trivia so that dh can get on with his job. I have mooted trying to find a job over here, but he is happy with things as they are and says it's a partnership.
I went back to work when ds was six months, and dh was away at sea/posted elsewhere in UK/posted abroad until ds was 10, and I decided to bite the bullet, resign and move abroad to join dh. It worked for us; I was less stressed, ds was happier as was dh.
When we return to UK next year when dh retires, I will be looking for a job. I have spent part of the last 13 years volunteering with the school that ds attended, running clubs and some parents events for them, plus being a team leader for GCSE examining. I now run a couple of things for other trailing spouses who work for the same organisation as dh. When ds was at school here, I think I did something for the school 4 days a week.
I have organised two international moves and one unexpected domestic move at short notice; sorted out the renovation of our house in the UK before it was relet. Dh couldn't help much with any of that (apart from cleaning the garage in the last rental), as he was working.
I'm the one who is on standby to get back to the UK if ds or my dm needs us, as I don't have to rejuggle a complicated schedule planned six months in advance.
I am enjoying not doing anything. I have time to read, sew, have coffee with friends, go to the odd art gallery. I am enjoying my life very much and have appreciated the 13 years off the treadmill. I am exactly where I wanted to be in my 50s.
Also, financially, there is no need for me to work. Dh's job is very well paid, so why should I take a job that someone else might really need? I want to work when back in UK as I need to make up 7 years NICs for my pension, and dh will be retired, so earning will be an extra cushion.
I also expect to be on call for dm when we move back, as my db will still be posted abroad, and I live 10 minutes from Mum (if the traffic lights are green). As she is late 70s, it won't be too long before some help is needed, and that will fall to me. I have also been told that my name is top of the list for volunteer work in the village when I move back. I expect to be involved whether I want to or not in driving the elderly to the doctors, shopping or hospital, getting involved in helping with the lunch clubs for them in the village, fundraising for things etc etc.
As for whoever said SAHWs were economically inactive - no we aren't. We might not be paying direct taxes, but we do contribute a lot to the indirect ones such as VAT!
It is difficult as one friend told me to get a job in Afghanistan when they were sent there (her husband was a diplomat), or whichever other Stan they were in (Kazakhstan) I think. Add to this for military/diplomatic wives, that they may be moving every couple of years. Many military wives I know are not considered for jobs because employers think they will move on, so it isn't considered worth it investing in them.
I am friends with lots of women in similar situations to mine; many of us have degrees, but sometimes our careers had to give for our families. In the end, what is more important?