Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

I'm a sahw but Iv no choice as I can't work as disabled. But do plenty around the home and have 2 teens at home to look after.

I think I'd struggle to respect or be friends with a SAHW unless there were good reasons behind her situation. I don't actually know anyone who does this.

I have no respect for a stay at home wife. That is basically prostitution imo!

Wow just wow!

Guess I can come out of the Prostitute basket now my husband is dead eh?

I’m a sahm, but my kids are all teenagers now and I don’t have to do that much for them day to day (aside from the cooking and endless washing!) and yes I do love off my dh, he is self employed and earns good money. I could go and work , and indeed have done in the past, but it’s not worth it for us. I can only ever really earn minimum wage and it’s handy that I can be on hand to do any ferrying, and also I do all the housework and admin stuff as well as take my mum out . It means come the weekends/ holidays, we are fully together , it works for us. I know some friends have expressed some jealousy , often it’s quite boring /lonely though as all my friends do go out to work! But I know I’m fortunate so I’d never moan irl about that

You know what people can do what they like, their arrangements and how they live is entirely for them to decide.

I very much doubt she does nothing, no doubt she does the housekeeping, paperwork, gardening. There is a value to these things Op, her time is just as important as anyone else's, and I am guessing if she was being paid for what she does that would be a salary so she is in fact working!

If she has 247 chef, cleaner and gardener then she is privileged to choose to spend her time as she wishes, and it is her choice.

I would respect a friend /another woman of course, I don't choose my friends based on their work/non work choices!

i would struggle to respect or be friends with a sahw

I imagine you would be deeply unattractive to anyone really with such a judgy attitude.

If I support a woman's choice to work outside the home (which I do), then surely I have to support her choice to not do so? Paid work is not the only way to contribute to a household or to society as a whole.
But mostly, it's none of my business. I'm not really interested in my friends' jobs and we don't discuss our work except in the most general terms, so it makes no difference to me at all.

Margot Ledbetter.
She was an at home wife.
I think she’d be horrified at being called a prostitute.

Coffeeforone, would you mind explaining why you would find it hard to respect a SAHW or be friends with one? What reasons would you deem as valid?

What if the man looked after the house, did the shopping, cleaning, organising etc so the wife could work and develop her career?

As a pp said, that tends not to be overly onerous when it's just two of you. Most folks can still develop their career without having a spouse taking care of the home full time when there are no kids. People even live on their own, single people, and develop their careers. It's not normally a hindrance.

I’d be jealous. Wouldn’t stop me being friends with them or respecting them.

@Pratrocket, if the non-working person does all the household admin, cleaning, laundry, cooking, finances etc then the working person doesn't have to worry or think at all about anything other than their work. Essentially the non working partner is a housekeeper. I'd love to have someone doing all that for me.

Oh Margot Ledbetter I love her! Yes I think she would issue anyone who implied she was a scarlett woman a withering look that could kill!

If she doesn't have to work, then why should she take up a job that someone else needs? Maybe her dh earns enough, maybe she had an inheritance, or maybe daddy's rich? (if she's on benefits, that's a different matter!)

How do you feel about housewives whose husbands leave them? Suppose that woman has never had children or they have long grown up and gone. Do the people who think being a housewife is a valid choice feel that the man should continue to provide support even after he has left? Personally I think the assets should be halved and then the women should have to get a job, but these kind if women sometimes go to court to argue that they should continue to live off the man even after he has left. I don't think that is fair to the man at all.

Those who are so dismissive of non working women, who the hell do you think it is the runs, fundraisers for and donates time to volunteer community organisations, Playgroup’s, senior lunch clubs, support groups, foodbanks, church groups, youth clubs, literacy groups etc etc etc.

It’s all those people you have no respect for.

Bluntness100 That depends entirely on the size of the house and grounds, how much they travel, if they have other properties and portfolios it can be very onerous and in that position you may not have time to develop a career even without dc but the idea that it can't be onerous and demanding of time may be misplaced.

Aargh single that is awful.
Maybe her mummy's rich. You're doing that thing of assuming men have the actual jobs and pay the bills and women have a little job for some pin money.
I work for exactly the same reasons dh does.

I could be a stay at home wife if we had millions though
Im sure I’d find something to keep me busy!

Essentially the non working partner is a housekeeper. I'd love to have someone doing all that for me

I'd hate it. I really would, I don't need someone at home who is my housekeeper. I wouldn't to be honest have a lot of respect for that person. If my husband chose not to work, for whatever reason, fine, but I certainly wouldn't want him to cook and clean for me like a house maid.

So are we talking about women who have no children full stop?

Or women who have school age children?

Or women who's kids have left home?

Or all the above?

My mother gave up work when she fell preg. with me in the late 1960's and has never done a days work since. (I'm an only, left home at 19) My father worked full time and they were comfortable on his income alone. It suited him to have her at home doing 100% of the cooking and cleaning and she presumably enjoyed it.

As for me - I've got 4 kids and worked since i left school. At one point about 10 years ago i had 5 part time jobs.

For the last 6 years i have not worked! DH(2) doesn't want me to and i'm happy to have the bloody rest! Youngest DC is 4. What catagory am i in? Prostitute?

I think it’s sort of selfish to take up a job and earn more money if your household has no need for that income. I know a few sahw’s, their children are grown up and they never returned to work because their husbands happened to get to the top of their careers in the years they were caring for their children and are very high earners. Why on earth would they want a job? They don’t need any more money. They spend their weeks with a full schedule of charity work, things like CAB, and princes trust mentoring that use all the skills you’d need for full time work and more. They contribute far more to society than most people I know who are in work and I feel privileged to be friends with such lovely people. I most certainly respect them, Without people like them a lot of stuff wouldn’t get done.

why should she take up a job that someone else needs?

A very good point. If you don’t need to work and your partner is happy for you to stay at home then why take up a paid job that someone else really needs.

I know lots of people who do Coffeeforone , they are all lovely women
why should they have a 'good reason' ?
If it works for them , that's fine

To who ever the fuck called a SAHW a prostitute, let me tell you something. My husband spent the early years of our marriage building up a business. I stayed at home and did absofuckinlutely everything, he was out early home late. When we had our kids we decided it was better I looked after the home and kids, so I did. When my husband died, due to all his hard work and mine behind the scenes, I sold his business for more than I will spend. So maybe next time you want to be so fucking judgy, you won't be!