Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

If no DC I would assume that they were ill or couldn't work for some other reason.

If there was no barrier to them working - well in theory I'd say, if both parties are happy then who cares, but in reality I would wonder how the DH felt about it and why it was seen as fair. I'd also worry about what was expected of the DW in return - not so much sex, more are they expected to look immaculate and keep a perfect home at all times...?

I respect people for their character. I genuinely don’t care what someone does, or indeed doesn’t do, for a living.

@Jessikita - it's a broad philosophical question, but is the gender relevant? What about a stay at home man......would he be a gigalo? 😂😂😂

I'm with you, summerinrome.
I felt sad that her family couldn't come up with anything more meaningful to say. There is so much more to people than the work they do.

do people think it's an issue that women in 2018 define themselves by their marital status over anything else that they do?

I know quite a lot of women with kids in full time education both in the U.K. and in the US who don’t work.

Not a single one of them “defines herself by her martial status”

If they are happy and can afford it then I say good for them.

I don't care what others do as long as they don't harm anyone.

Bluntness100 To be fair I don't know anyone who stays at home not working at all (who doesn't have children to pick up from school). It's definitely true that having a stay at home spouse makes life much nicer for the working partner - as there's someone to organise everything for them and sort out social life, housework, admin etc. If they're a high earner then it's a good set up from the working spouse's perspective (assuming they're happy in their career). I would imagine the stay at home spouse is putting themselves in a vulnerable position unless they at least volunteer as they could become isolated and they will find it difficult to work again should they want to.

Coffeeforone, ok fair enough those are your reasons but what if that person was kind, a good converstionalist and listener, what if they baked you a lovely cake and told you funny stories to cheer you up, what if they were curious and intelligent and fun?

Would you reject them just because they don't fit into the narrow framework of what you expect?

There are productive things to do with your time that fall outside of volunteering too!

Summerinrome, I am a SAHW and yes I do the majority of the house work and cooking so I do think it has value.

Hagseed, I can see the point you are trying to make but would it be much better to say "she was an over worked and underpaid supervisor in tesco etc" I'm not dismissing any persons job but most peoples funerals aren't about their jobs and most people don't have interesting or impressive jobs.

There is a bit of fetishization about work in this country sometimes.

Bluntness I do know lots of friends like this, and they are the busiest people I know. Far busier than even the FT working parents.

Most people do not enjoy sitting at home doing nothing unless they have depression or a disability. Most of the people you describe will have a full and active life doing something.

I'm outta this thread. Being called a prostitute for choices my late husband and I made together has pissed me off more than anything else I've ever read on MN. I can't believe that's how some women view other women in 2018. Sickening.

Why does anyone care about what I do with my time. I'm not working, I'm not claiming benefits, I'm not hurting anyone, I'm kind, I'm considerate, happy, I'll say good morning to you, I'm not getting in the car and bunging up the roads in rush hour what possible reason would you have to not like me.

My mum is a SAHW. Admittedly at first it was hard to not be judgemental.
She'd had a nervous breakdown after our family business expanded exponentially and then went under. At the height of the work she said she'd 'done the mum thing', even though my brother was still in school. Yet, I didn't judge my dad so felt unfair to judge her too.

Then when it all folded any other form of work was just too much because it didn't compare to running a business. So she stays at home doing housework, walking the dog, yoga, meeting with friends, piano and singing lessons and my dad goes out to work. Ultimately, it's their dynamic, their choice and I have respect now I'm doing the mum thing myself!

The only time it bothers me is when she says she's busy being a grandparent and we hadn't seen her for ages because she'd been so busy.

I know quite a lot of women with kids in full time education both in the U.K. and in the US who don’t work.

Not a single one of them “defines herself by her martial status”

They are literally though if they call themselves a stay at home wife aren't they? And generally when you discuss women who have a few children in education they are ime involved with the school in some way. Op is talking about people who literally just don't work and have no children.

Thank you mummabear for not bunging up the roads

Not working my time is filled with house stuff, cooking, exercise, reading, studying, learning a musical instrument, making clothes, baking, gardening, as well as arty hobbies

All sounds very pleasant, but rather self indulgent

Why should anyone care what other people choose to do? I go to work because I have to. End of. If I didn't have to, I wouldn't and it's nobody's f**king business except me and my partner's. People should stop being so bloody judgemental about other people's choices.

m not working, I'm not claiming benefits

^this is what it comes down to though doesn't it. So taking money off a man instead of the state is fine. You're more worthy than someone else because you found a man with a better job.

To clairfy when I said SAHW I just meant woman who was choosing nt to work and who currently had no childcaring responsibilites so kids left home or childfree etc.

I didn't mean someone who goes around saying I'm only a SAHW!

I'd be a bit jealous of anyone - man or woman - who had the luxury of not having to work. But maybe that's because i've had a trying day at work

I certainly don't think I'd get bored. not for a long while anyway

There's probably not much they could say that would make me respect them

Really? So if a woman isn't raising children and doesn't need to earn money for whatever reason, then she is of no value, in your opinion?

Why would I even care less what a woman does with her own life and family?

I was a SAHM for 15 years. Then I went back to work. Nobody said a thing to me about it. I've never commented when women are SAHM either. I don't even think about it.

Only on MN do I see judgment. I just think those people wouldn't say anything in real life and if they liked their own lives they wouldn't be frothing about what another woman is doing.

That someone could be so precious as to not be friends with a woman because she's not working outside the home is laughable. Fancy having such a need to feel 'better than'. I shouldn't think anyone needs 'friends' like that. It's all a bit Hyacinth Bucket

allthegoodnamesaretaken, why shouldn't I indulge my interests and passions and have a pleasant life if I want? Who am I hurting or should I knit myself a hair shirt just in case I am having too nice a time being alive?

My mum is a SAHW. She was a SAHM, but we all moved out about 10 years ago now Technically she is retired because she is currently claiming a state pension. I've never really given it any thought. She is happy. Dad is happy. She has her own money (inheritance) so I don't really consider her to be a kept woman as such.

I’m a SAHM with no intention of returning to work, preferably ever. Therefore I will be a SAHW one day, all being well. I give absolutely zero fucks what anyone else thinks about it and my self worth isn’t tied to anyone else’s ‘respect’ for me. I don’t judge people who work, no matter what my feelings on the full timers are.

Other families' choices have nothing to do with me. If it's right for that family for one parent to stay home and look after the children then that's great for them. I felt very low, to the point of depression, when I was at home with my children so, even though the cost of childcare wipes out my wages, I am much happier at work.