Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

I have no respect for a stay at home wife. That is basically prostitution imo!

It really isn't.

I wish people wouldn't start a debate about this old crap, again.

I would agree with this, there is absolutely no forgiveness or acceptance on here for a man who can work and doesn't and just lives off his wife

What if the man looked after the house, did the shopping, cleaning, organising etc so the wife could work and develop her career?

Lucky bitches !!!

If we won the lottery and could both give up work, sure. But it wouldn't ever sit right with me sitting at home doing nothing while my husband was out working and earning money every day. Also I am pretty proud of being independent and my career. Those are important things to me in life. Also I'm shit at housework and too lazy to be a housewife.

It's up to other people what they do, but someone who didn't work at all and had no interest in it probably isn't someone I would socialise with as we wouldn't have much in common I'd imagine.

*I'd think "cockloger" is the term for the male equivalent

This, 100%. It works both ways*

I agree - but maybe we should call it fannylodger?

I'd think its none of my business tbh. Like every other life choice that people make, it's up to them.

Honestly, I thibk it depends.

An older woman who has been a SAHM for years, and just never went back to work, I wouldn't think was strange. There are loads like that around here, usually farmer's wives who run the WI and do voluntary stuff in the community, or babysit grandchildren.

But I know someone who got married at 25, quit work, and is open about her DH wanting children. He works long shifts, makes good money, and "wants her to create a home for them both". She's still in the honeymoon stage, but I knew him before they met, and I suspect he's very controlling.

I do find it strange that people could not respect a SAHW or be friends with them we don't all sit on our bums all day watching Jeremy Kyle, reading take a break and eating hob nobs, well ok maybe the hob nobs bit is true!

See but you're drawing the distinction here and in your OP of acceptable unemployed (basically well off or middle class) and those that actually want or need jobs or who dare to watch Jeremy Kyle. Why is one more acceptable?

Wouldn’t it be a crazy new world If people kept their beaks out of other people’s perfectly valid choices.

Ok, Jessikita I’ll bite.

I don’t work, my children are at school all day. My DH works full time.

Presumably in your view I’m a prostitute?

What if I tell you I worked full time until my DH’s work brought us to the USA?

I haven’t gone through the process of requesting permission to work here because I didn’t consider putting my kids into wrap around childcare would help them cope with the transition to a new country and educational system.

Is that better? Or not?

What about my friend who worked full time right up until she has children? Her DH’s career took off when her kids were babies and they moved every year or so for about 8 years, wrecking her career prospects.

Is that better or worse?

Or my friend who worked full time until she had kids at which point her DH’s job started to require lots of international travel. Her job would require 12 hour shifts and night shifts. They don’t have family nearby that can help with childcare when he’s away.

Is that ok?

Alternatively what about my friend who is a SAHD? He took redundancy when they realised that the only time the whole family was in a room at the same time was on holiday. His DW has a very senior position so he became primary parent.

Is he a prostitute too?

What would you have suggested these SAHPs do? They all have happy marriages, are secure financially and have six figure household incomes.

None of their spouses would be able to do their current jobs if they also had to do pick ups and drop off for their children, take time off if they were ill etc.

They made joint decisions with their OH’s to structure their families this way and it works well for everyone.

But it’s just about getting paid for sex Jessikita right?

Why is it anyone's business? Each family is entitled to do what they want, providing they aren't being propped up by the state in order to do so. Also, do we really define our friends by their jobs?

no if that man was doing all the house work, cooking, generally making his partners life easier and supporting his/her career then NO I wouldn't think him a cocklodger or anything else.

A cocklodger is a lazy asshat who contributes nothing and takes everything - pretty vile to think all sahw's fit this bill

Is it still prosititution is the wife gets security and she gets the sex she is after too?

Don't we all make arrangements in life to suit us one way or another and make compromises?

An older woman who has been a SAHM for years, and just never went back to work, I wouldn't think was strange.

It's often impossible for them to get work as well. Basically they retire when the kids leave home.

I think we are only glimpsing the impact of the decline of this group of (generally) women. What they do is often invisible unless you're looking, undervalued because it's done for free and priceless for those who benefit.

We are seeing an explosion in loneliness, uncared for ageing people and burnout among people trying to meet the absolute needs of their dependants. We mourn the communities that used to mean older people whose children moved further away were honorary aunts and grandparents to families nearby. It's not the only reason, but unpaid women in the home were a large part of creating those.

Of course individuals may be lazy coasters (cocklodgers don't just not do paid work, they don't contribute in monetary or non-monetary terms). But I wouldn't presume to judge because someone was in a 'category' of SAHW.

I think as long as it's an equal decision then it's nobody else's business.

Usually the issue with a cock lodger (or the female equivilent) is that it wasn't a decision made by both parties.

My best mate is a SAHW. They don't have kids. She does a volunteer thing 3 days a week, and various other things. They don't need the money. She did work, she's sorted herself a pension etc. It's nobody eles business.

no if that man was doing all the house work, cooking, generally making his partners life easier and supporting his/her career then NO I wouldn't think him a cocklodger or anything else.

How much house work and cooking does someone do in a house of two really? And do you support his career?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Err of course I could be friends with her if she was nice and we had stuff in common. I might be a bit jealous if she has all that free time but I don't see why you would work if you don't have to - might as well spend the time doing some volunteering or learning something.

It's really no one else's business whether women or men work, don't work, work part time, have kids, don't have kids and the reasons why this might be. Non of it it illegal and people shouldn't be judged on how they fill their time.

Everyone is different and it's about choice.

I know a housewife with no kids and she's just me of the nicest women I know. Her husband works and earns a lot and he's fine with her not working so who are we to judge if they're happy?

I think they should all be lined up against a wall and shot at dawn personally

What a revolting thread.

It's absolutely no-one else's business who stays home and why.

And I'm fairly sure that the term Cocklodger is meant for a male who not only doesn't work but also doesn't help In The home and expects his partner to wait on him hand foot and finger whilst also supplying him with pocket money.

But even then, it's only an issue if one partner is unhappy. Otherwise it's absolutely no one else's business.

*how do you support his career

that should say.

Obviously, with a trailing spouse situation, this can happen but the person can still do something even if it's volunteer work etc. No need to self define as someone's wife.

Are you then unemployed if your partner leaves you!?

I don’t have a problem with it.
I have a friend who is an at home partner. His partner works in a very good job and earns enough that he doesn’t have to work.
My friend does a huge amount of work for charity.

Why should both of you slog your guts out at a job if you don’t have too.