Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

There's a lot of mention of SAHM, but isn't this thread about SAHW, who aren't raising children (excl those who aren't working due to ill health).

There's a significant difference between a SAHM and a SAHW, surely? And tbh in my mind I'd also perceive someone who is retired being slightly different as well

It would be entirely different for a 60 year old woman who's not working because she's taken retirement, or an older SAHM with children who've flown the nest not going back to work because they've been out of the workplace for such a long time, to me not working at 36, because I just don't fancy it?

Either is entirely justified in doing whatever suits them and their family, but seems there's many different scenarios. And surely far more unusual for someone who's young and childless to be a SAHW, while their husband goes out to work.

This is the sort of trite nonsense from some SAHW that makes me hmm. Obviously, anyone who doesn't want to be a stay at home spouse only doesn't want to because we are nowhere near as cultured or original or creative or unique as SAHWs. The fact we want more to our lives than housework and hobbies is a sign that we are sad, boring individuals who couldn't possibly have interests outside our job.Different people have different ideas of the lifestyle they want to lead yet some SAHspouses love to convince themselves the whole world is jealous of them

You totally missed the point of what I was saying.
I'm not a SAHW by the way, I worked all my life because I had to.
Neither did I think working women were jealous of SAHW.
I was referring to those who think working is the way to go.
The point was, that it is possible to be happy and fulfilled not working but many people wouldn't know how to be. It's also perfectly ok to be happy preferring to work.
Neither should judge the other.

It can be nice to dawdle though and not be constantly stretching yourself and getting stressed out and knackered having to do everything - work, house, kids - like many many women do.

My late MIL never worked after getting married in 1953 (she worked at a place where women had to give up work if they got married!).
She did do some volunteer work, but to me her world was very small. She was the same age as my mum who worked apart from when she took time off for child rearing.
I must admit that I did judge her a bit when she made snide comments about my parents having two cars and foreign holidays, and how could they afford it. Er, because both of them work full time? She also had no idea of the pressures of modern work, and when I left a job because of workplace bullying she wasn't very sympathetic or understanding.
I only know one stay at home wife of my age (50s) who has never worked, but she has substantial private income of her own.

I agree it is nice to dawdle, I could get a black belt in faff & dawdle
We all dawdle at weekend.my kids aren’t ferried about they don’t attend any clubs
Weekend we read,watch movies,fanny about online

But it’s all balance,and I appreciate my dawdling because I contrast it to frenetic work pace

If I was a SAHW I'd definitely rescue more cats :-)

Anyway, hopefully when we have fully automated luxury communism this will be an irrelevant conversation. And everyone will stay at home and indulge their dreams and hobbies for eternity.

I don't dawdle in the supermarket Lipstick, frankly I can't get out of there quick enough. But I do shop most days because I make whatever I'm in the mood to do and I hate batch cooking and frozen dinners.
My kids do a fair bit after school too. No it's not compulsory, but why not, if they enjoy it and it's good for them?

Some of the SAHWs may have conditions like autism, which makes working difficult for them.

*a man (or woman) who has an affair will come up
mostly it's just jealousy isn't it

Jealous of a grown (hopefully fully functioning able bodied adult) who depends on a man for their most basic of needs.

Not a chance.

I think for me the difficulty would be the financial element, assuming you're not married to a millionaire or whatever, but you're comfortable and a non working spouse, it would be the helping yourself to money your spouse earned, for make up or clothes or whatever. I'd struggle with that.

It's one thing they provide a roof over your head, feed you etc and you do cooking and cleaning in return, but helping yourself to their money and treat yourself personally I'd struggle with.

frenetic work pace sounds too tiring and boring for me.
Going at my own pace and having time for everyone including myself keeps me healthy.
A good two hours to just do nothing everyday is pure bliss recreation is important for your mh.
My friend just called now to say she was too busy for a barbie tonight.
She works all week as does her dh and they do chores together at the weekend, visit their ageing parents, then back to work Neither are happy and looking for ways to have more downtime.

Well it's irrelevant what sex you are, but if one partner chooses not to work and the other partner is happy with that and they can financially support themselves as a couple then I wouldn't have any judgey thoughts about it at all. Obviously it's totally different if the working partner is finding the financial burden difficult or stressful or feels under valued or taken advantage of.
In regards to my 'respect' - I dish that out to people based on who they are as a person and how they treat others, not on what they do for a living.
What about you op?

I like frenetic, I seek it out .it is a choice.its not imposed upon me
I have adequate down time,it’s not a prescribed amount.its quality not quantity

SANDY - do you not think the man depends on his wife too perhaps? You know, for fairly important stuff like keeping the kids alive, fed, occupied and emotionally stable while he's at work? Or is money all that counts in a family?

In don't have a strong opinion on this. I feel more strongly about people who judge how other people live.
I really don't care how anyone lives if it does not affect me. I think we should be grateful we are not all wanting the same old thing. What suits me or you won't necessarily be anyone else's cup of tea but thinking horrid thoughts about those who live differently just makes you look negative judgmental and nasty.

I just don't understand strong feelings about how other people live their lives when it doesn't affect you. If my neighbour or friends work 90 hours a week or stay at home sat in a lazy spa all day just isnt going to affect me or impact my life so I can't get worked up or judgmental over it.

This thread is not about stay at home mums. I don't know why people are so confused and think it is.

The point was, that it is possible to be happy and fulfilled not working but many people wouldn't know how to be.

There's a difference though between not working and just sitting around and doing sod all, which you said below:

It's possible to feel absolutely fine and happy if you sit doing sod all...but you just don't know how to

I can think of lots of ways I could probably be happy and fulfilled if I had to give up my career - but they're very different from doing sod all

As I said in my response - I could replace my career with something fulfilling like becoming a voluntary trustee, or going back to full time study, or retraining in something very different.

That's different to not feeling fulfilled by 'sitting around doing sod all'. I can very very happily sit around doing sod all on holiday, or vegging out at home at the weekend or over Xmas. But that's somewhat different to feeling happy and fulfilled lounging around at home everyday for the long term!

Yes I simply don't understand why people care so much about how others live their lives. All I know is one day my kids will leave home so right now I'm real happy to be the person who picks them up from school on a fairly regular basis. And i partly have my hard working husband to thank that and he's happy I'm doing it

It's one thing they provide a roof over your head, feed you etc and you do cooking and cleaning in return, but helping yourself to their money and treat yourself personally I'd struggle with.

Luckily I don’t view it like that and helps i have my own account to spend how i like.

lounging around at home everyday for the long term! Annnnnnnnnnnnnd here we have it. I've been waiting for this. If you think all SAHW "lounge around all day" then it shows you have no idea, not a clue what we do. Maybe I should speak for myself here and not all SAHW. I didn't lounge around, I had a load of stuff I had to do (I was a SAHW in the very early 80's) every day. I was also in a home we had just bought so was also doing that up. Funny how life goes full circle I'm now doing up yet another house I've just bought/moved into.

Anyway BINGO! You win, another of the stereotypes listed. Well done.

Lethal,we are all chewing the fat.doesnt mean people are emotionally over involved at all
And of course threads get rambunctious,that’s not a problem
It’s only problematic if one over personalises other people response as an attack

Bluntness - I don't think many people actually know many SAHWs, if this means women that don't have to factor in children at all. I think women over 50 who may have children at uni or something is not that remarkable, as many people (men and women) are retired or semi/retired by then anyway. So I guess if there is judgement for SAHWs in the 20s-40s age bracket, it's mainly going to be ex-pats or the next nearest horror, women with school aged DC (or those with DC in boarding school).

Ah but they do exist. As said, I'm friends with one. Second marriage, didn't want to work, he agreed to it, and she doesn't.

She's lovely, but I find it a little odd if I'm honest.shes not worked for years, just does all the house stuff.

They are happy though, but it's not for me. And as much as she's lovely, I find her conversation a little limited sometimes as it's all about domestic stuff.

And so can the conversation of people who work be a little limiting. I think it's a personality thing rather than an occupation thing

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd here we have it. I've been waiting for this. If you think all SAHW "lounge around all day" then it shows you have no idea, not a clue what we do. Maybe I should speak for myself here and not all SAHW. I didn't lounge around, I had a load of stuff I had to do (I was a SAHW in the very early 80's) every day. I was also in a home we had just bought so was also doing that up. Funny how life goes full circle I'm now doing up yet another house I've just bought/moved into.

I don't think that of SAHW at all and never said anything of the sort

My response was to the criticism of enjoying working when a PP said

"It's possible to feel absolutely fine and happy if you sit doing sod all...but you just don't know how"

I said I could imagine being happy and fulfilled being a SAHW if I had lots of projects to throw myself into (volunteering roles, study, retraining etc)

The PP was the one who said it could be happy and fulfilling to 'sit around doing sod all'

I don't think SAHW do this! I was simply saying that I can't imagine sitting around doing sod all to be happy and fulfilling long term. I said nothing about SAHW actually doing this.

The point I made in all my posts was that I enjoy my career because I enjoy a sense of accomplishment. At no point did I say that being a SAHW couldn't also deliver that for other people. At no point did I suggest SAHW lounge around all day

The PP was the one talking about posters like me not knowing how to be happy doing sod all. I don't think many people would be happy doing sod all over the long term. And I imagine very few SAHW do. It sounds like you've done anything but sod all. Congratulations on your houses, they sound terrific

You're looking for criticism where there is none.

I was responding to criticism of ME for saying that it was very sad that I found work the primary source of fulfilment in MY life.

I have no POV on what anyone else does because it's simply none of my business!