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Original poster

Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

986 replies

strawberryperogi · 24/05/2018 17:10

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

OP posts:
RandomWordsStuckTogether · 26/05/2018 15:33

I make up a profession when I fill in those forms. They never need to know for any proper reason. It's all just data collection and demographic analysis. In the past I've been a juggler and a cat trainer.

BakedBeans47 · 26/05/2018 15:34

Surely it would just depend on the individual as to whether any claims to be ‘busy’ were deserving of an eye roll or not.

Fair enough, but when it’s someone who you know doesn’t have kids to look after, doesn’t have a job, doesn’t do stuff like voluntary work, have time consuming hobbies, or other caring responsibilities, you do kind of wonder why they can complain about being “busy” to women who do all or at least some of those things

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/05/2018 15:34

Slight digression,I find the term homemaker really asinine
Who the fuck makes a home.its like something from hallmark channel
Mom,angel,unicorn chaser,dream catcher and homemaker...boak

NerrSnerr · 26/05/2018 15:39

I had forgotten that I used to live next door to a stay at home husband. They were in their 40s, had no children and his wife worked full time. I wasn't ever rude enough to ask why he didn't work but he spent lots of time in his garden and washing the car. I didn't think much of it, it's just how they lived and they seemed very happy.

LuluJakey1 · 26/05/2018 15:40

I think as long as the couple have agreed between them how they want to organize their lives and they are both happy with it, it is no one else's business. Speaking as someone who had always worked full time in a well-paid, demanding job, I could never have seen myself being a SAHM. But we had two children pretty quickly and I agreed to do it. I miss my job but I know I could not have the quality of the tim3 I have with DS and DD if I was still doing it. We can afford it - DH got a promoted post- and it suits us at the minute and will for the next 3 years.

LuluJakey1 · 26/05/2018 15:42

My FIL was a SAHD when DH and SIL were little. MIL had the more successful career but he did go back to work when they started primary school. He could probably have been a Headteacher but did end up as a Deputy Head.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/05/2018 16:00

Let’s stop pretending sahw is an altruistic act,saving jobs for those in need
The poor wage slaves who really need a job,able to progress because a sahw graciously absented herself from labour market

NerrSnerr · 26/05/2018 16:25

I don't understand why someone who can afford not to 'should' work. What if I give up work when I win £1m on the premium bonds? Is that allowed? Would it be worse if my husband earned £1m and I gave up my job?

If everyone in the family is happy with the arrangement what's the problem?

SweetSummerchild · 26/05/2018 16:36

If everyone in the family is happy with the arrangement what's the problem?

You’d have to direct that question at the tiny minority on this thread (page 22 springs to mind) who thinks that it is everyone else’s business.

Women are somehow doing feminism a whole load of harm by choosing not to work if their husbands are earning. All the usual bingo words about ‘patriarchy’ have been trotted out.

We are not free to choos as we are harming other women. It’s ironic that we are being told this by.......women.

Most people dont’ really give a shit.

dorisdog · 26/05/2018 16:47

Running a house and possibly a garden and doing washing, ironing etc for two people IS work. I can't afford to do this, but perhaps some people can. I wouldn't respect someone who did nothing (unless they were ill or similar) but running a house isn't nothing.

Pa1oma · 26/05/2018 16:51

"Having supported a number of OWs in relationships with 'these men'... a common theme is that
• his wife doesn't work
• he's lost respect for her staying at home after kid are all in school
• he would leave the marriage but with wife not working it would financially cripple him.
• he admires me (OW) for my career"

SANDY2K - What utter b***!

So you've supported a "number of OWs" to fall for this kind of misogynistic drivel, have you? Well more fool you - and them!

Cheating men always have to blame something. "Not enough sex", "She doesn't understand me", blah blah. What will it be next, "She was so career focused she never had any space for me." Give me a break! Who bloody cares what cheating men come up with? As if we should all adjust our lifestyles around that crap.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/05/2018 16:51

Running a house makes it sound like downtown manor
Vast majority of homes,new& period,have ch and actually don’t require running
Opening mail,doing chores,cooking etc doesn’t = running a home.
You see this running a home malarkey most folk manange it in conjunction to holding a job

Bowlofbabelfish · 26/05/2018 16:53

Women are somehow doing feminism a whole load of harm by choosing not to work if their husbands are earning. All the usual bingo words about ‘patriarchy’ have been trotted out.

Feminism as I see it in this context is about looking at why there are so few sahds, why women are disadvantaged in the workplace by generally being the ones who go part time to manage the demands of family etc. That’s the patriarchy bit - why women get shafted more at work.

But it says nothing about the individual choice.

To say sahm is anti feminist is missing the point - what an individual couple decide to do is their business and they should do whatever they want. To sah can be a feminist choice. To work can be a feminist choice.

There’s a big difference between a feminist critique of the structure of the work economy (which I believe is valid and important) and bashing sahms/ws (which is not ok.)

spontaneousgiventime · 26/05/2018 16:57

I'm creased here, absolutely creased. The assumptions made about SAHW is from minds that could make a fortune writing fiction. The names we have been called and the looking down of noses is unreal, all done by women to women.

Not a single person here knows how others live but make up stories left right and centre. The arrogance from a small minority here to SAHW is staggering.

Magpiesarehuge · 26/05/2018 16:58

Husband earns the money, i look after the kids, house and garden - never expected this very traditional set up at all. It does give us both lots of free time to do what we want and quite a lot of time together. I do take my hat off to women who work and do all the extra stuff and have always tried to help working friends by helping with last minutr childcare problems etc. I realise i have it super easy in comparison.

gillybeanz · 26/05/2018 17:01

Sandy what total utter bollocks.
Cheating men will also say my wife was working ft/pt, then looking after the home and family, there was no time for me. Grin

or we drifted apart because there was no time for us, after we had both finished work, done chores and seen to the kids.

Fintress · 26/05/2018 17:01

@spontaneousgiventime yes, some hilarious assumptions abound on this thread. I'm going on holiday soon with my hard done by, hard working husband with a sponging prostitute of a wife. I paid for it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/05/2018 17:03

What a man who can’t keep his dick in his drawers says to ow bears no relation to fact

dorisdog · 26/05/2018 17:03

Running a house can take however long it needs to. I actually like my badly paid charity job, but if I didn't I'd love to be able to properly garden, clean, shop at markets, decorate and make elaborate meals. You could totally fill the best part of a day with that.

spontaneousgiventime · 26/05/2018 17:05

Fintress I'm thinking of booking a winter cruise just to piss them off. Grin

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/05/2018 17:11

Well,yes potentially one can stretch a task to any amount of hours if time weren’t an issue
But stretching out domestic task doesn’t in itself make it a long or onerous task
It simply means one took days to underatake a task achievable in shorter time

Pa1oma · 26/05/2018 17:12

Lipstick - I do agree with you that "running a home" is not something I would mention. However, you say that you just shop and cook your own food. Well, imagine if you were cooking for a whole family most days, factoring in all the likes and dislikes and trying to keep it interesting. Finest and breakfast, maybe Sunday lunch too. It does amount to quite a lot of shopping, thinking and preparation, day in day out. Ok, it's not rocket science, but nor is it nothing.

Some families entertain a lot. If we're having a dinner party on a Friday night, this can take up most of that afternoon at least. I'm required into school for the kids music lessons - again it's only an hour several times a week, but it does mean that have swathes of time for spas! There are so many small things that don't need special mention in themselves, but they do eat into your time, just as boring admin does in most jobs. After 3pm, I don't sit down until 11pm, so no I don't feel guilty about any downtime I get during school hours. The thing is, whatever you do, working or not, you fill your time with whatever appears to need doing next. Life is what you make it!

Pa1oma · 26/05/2018 17:12

Dinner not finest!

gillybeanz · 26/05/2018 17:15

I'm just contemplating a thread called "what do you think of working wives", I bet that wouldn't be allowed though.
Feminism is dead on Mnet.
A lot like to shout about choice, but then put down women who do choose.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/05/2018 17:17

I don’t need to imagine cooking,shopping or maintaining a family home
We already do it,and hold down ft jobs.
Again one could stretch or out by shipping daily and dawdling
We batch cook fresh food,and freeze in portion,it’s no particular effort