Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

Jealous, I would live to be a stay at home wife. My life would be a lot less stressful and my house would be. Lot cleaner

For what it's worth... I'm often tired, despite the no-work-no-kids; insomnia does that to you no matter what. I trust my child-having friends though, that small-kids-early-starts-work tiredness is a whole different level, and I'd never complain about my tiredness to them.

I don't do worthy things like charity with my time. I'm also never busy. I potter. It's fine. It's not what I wanted out of my life, but it's fine.

I was a SAHW for a couple of years, loved it. I went back to work after 2y when we wanted to save for a house deposit.
It was so nice, time to go to the gym and have coffees, decorating the house, deep cleaning and re-organizing, lots of time to do extensive research for the best holidays or finding the perfect presents for people, cooking elaborate recipes etc.
SAHM is way different, the day revolves about the DC, less relaxing and less freedom!

*Is it wrong to judge people who think they wouldn't be able to enjoy themselves without work?

It must be sad to need a job to give your life a sense of meaning and purpose, surely?*

Why? When I wasn't working for 10 months due to ill health I felt like a total non-person. I felt like I wasn't doing anything. Now that was probably partially to do with lots of failed IVF and miscarriages, because I felt like I was constantly failing, and that never had I tried so hard to get precisely nowhere. I was desperate to be able to work again because then I could feel like I was GOOD at something. And if we weren't going to be able to have children (which we can't), then my career was (and is) going to be the main focus of my life

I've had to decline very senior management roles due to my chronic health issues, and drop down to 4 days a week. But I am really really good in my chosen profession, and I get enormous satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment from the intellectual stimulation of creative problem solving, the teamwork with great colleagues, and the reward of delivering really great work.

Why would I want to give that up? I would have been delighted to take time out if we had been able to have a child. But I can't.

If I had to give up my career for some hypothetical reason, then I'd have to try and do a lot of voluntary work, or go back to university and do a masters or second degree or something, to occupy my time, as I'd go stir crazy. If you think that's sad, well fair enough, I don't judge anyone else for their choices - but crack on if you want to judge mine

I find it very interesting, now that I’m unable to work due to disability, I’m asked by care workers “What do you do to keep busy?” It’s as if the only way to be a whole person is to have a job. I held professional, stressful jobs for many years, so I don’t need to prove myself now - do I? But when I’m asked that question, my answers always sound wrong, although to me, my days are perfectly fine.

A job doesn’t define you.

From the 1940’s onwards my mother worked and continued to do so when she was married with children as my father would not let her give up work. I suppose I picked up the work ethic as I never thought of not working and kept my job going when I was married and had children.

By the 1970’s two salaries were needed to pay a mortgage and childcare anyway. I can’t say it was easy but it never occurred to me to criticise those women who did choose to stay at home and I was very surprised when a few of them made it clear they thought I was an inferior mother for working with small children.

Therefore, I have lived through a period where it was expected that a mother would stay at home and one where it was expected she would work. I think it is down to the individual and her husband to choose what best fits the family circumstances.

I became a SAH wife six years ago when burnout caused me to retire early and had six years at home before my DH was made redundant. The help with cleaning and ironing had to go and we retrenched severely. I made the cleaning, decoration, repairing and maintenance of our house my fitness routine which kept me immensely busy. I led a quiet, solitary life with little variation and virtually no excitement. Spending for fun was completely off the menu and I wear the same clothes as I wore when I retired as I cannot afford many new items, nor holidays nor meals out.

It has been, after 34 years of teaching, absolute bliss. I guess the pleasure is in getting to choose. Having to stay home with no income or stimulation would have been very restrictive.

My mum worked before, during and after my conception.

All these posters mortally offended at the idea of someone not working because they don't need to, I wonder what you'd do if you won the lottery?

What about couples where one has been able to take early retirement but the other is younger or not eligible yet? Should the retiree go out and get a part time job just because their DH still works

If, for example, my DH was a seven figure earner or above then bollocks would I be going to work, DC or no DC.

My life long dream has always been to stay at home Cook from scratch, have farm yard animals saved from slaughter houses and go on exotic holidays.

Unfortunately life got in the way and this didn’t exactly transpire 😂😂

Before I had children I was a SATW, for about four years. I had a lovely career before than but then we were in a situation where I didn’t need to work. So I didn’t. And it was awesome. We are not all the same.
If I didn’t have to do a 1hr 20 commute every day and then sit in an office- then why would I?

I was a stay at home wife some of the time but obviously money-wise it's not as good as working full-time. It's great to have time for yourself and all those other little jobs which need to be done.

My compromise was part-time work. Your'e contributing financially but not knocking yourself out. There's a little money to spare. We neither drank nor smoked, weren't interested in expensive holidays every year. It was a happy situation for us.

Well, after working all my adult life in fulfilling jobs most of that time, my mortgage is paid off due to being paid out my critical illness cover 12 months ago, I can afford to give up work just, yes we would struggle a bit but I can If I needed to, stop working. I have terminal cancer but work full time still as it gives me a purpose to get up every day rather than stay at home and state at the same four walls. (as driving is difficult thanks to the side effects of the continuous chemo every 21 days - neuropathy and cellulitus). So I am grateful to go to work to mix with friends and colleagues. Unfortunately the powers that be, don't like paying me for the 3 days I have off every 21 days after chemo (they have to pay me as it's disability leave from treatment) and they're trying to get me to work only one week in four (how the hell that would work I do not know!) or leave! Yet I've not had any time off sick in 2 years since being diagnosed. They are just being difficult. So for all those that would love to not work and be at home alone, would you really opt for that choice if it was permanent? I wouldn't . (apologies for long post).

I’m a nanny I’ve worked for a professional wife. And it was fine, she had moved to the country for her husbands work and she actually couldn’t work so she did a lot of volunteer work etc, and it was fine.

Unfortunately for me my illness got in the way of my career skyrocketing. It’s was the first diagnosis of many illnesses. I was always on higher projectory than dh but it was meant to be. Luckily he earns enough to keeps us all. If he didn’t I’d be on benefits.

So to all those who are defined by your careers - what happens if you become ill, when you retire? You will be judging yourselves!

Dh can retire this year but wants to hold off for a bit.

"I’m a nanny I’ve worked for a professional wife. "

Why did she need a nanny if she was a housewife?
Maybe more of a lady of leisure, like the upper classes have always done.

I think there are more stay-at-home-husbands out there than people realise. I know 2. One of them is the husband of my work colleague; she works full-time long hours in a crazy busy environment, he 'dosses' at home. What people from the outside don't know or see though is that he has an invisible disability. When he was in his 20s he had a serious accident at work which led to him having severe depression, anxiety and having to take morphine every day for the constant 'pins and needles mixed with razor blades' feeling in his legs. He probably COULD work a desk job or something else, but financially he doesn't have to, his wife doesn't mind him being at home due to her long hours. He does a lot of the cooking and some light cleaning for her. They're in their 50s and happy.

It works both ways. Just leave people be.

So to all those who are defined by your careers - what happens if you become ill, when you retire? You will be judging yourselves!

I have had to take time out of my career due to illness. I live with chronic health conditions

I was miserable not working - I don't judge anyone for not working, that's their business, none of mine. But I am defined in no small part by my career, it's a huge part of my identity, and not working was indeed a big challenge. I judged myself because I felt like a non person - I wasn't able to do anything. I felt an enormous sense of fulfilment when I was able to return to work because I was doing something immensely rewarding again. I don't judge anyone else for not working, but I can't apologise for my career being such an important part of my life. I can't have children so it's by definition pretty central to my life.

Seriously those people who are like ‘what would you DO all day’ - are you that entrenched in society bullshit that all you can see the point of women doing is child rearing or paid work? What about being a grade 8 piano player, or running a food bank, or learning how to use photoshop, or becoming an expert in dinosaurs, or literally any of the other millions of interesting things you can do in life?

I gather we're not talking about Footballers Wives?

The WS would have a field day with this

Things I'm tired of seeing posted on MN:

1. DH makes much more money than me. "We started out our career at the same level but his career skyrocketed. It only made sense for me to be the one to leave my job" --- really really depressing, read it constantly on MN. Does no one else get sad about this?

I do. It's sad and it's naive to think the man will always be happy with this arrangement.

Having supported a number of OWs in relationships with 'these men'... a common theme is that
• his wife doesn't work
• he's lost respect for her staying at home after kid are all in school
• he would leave the marriage but with wife not working it would financially cripple him.
• he admires me (OW) for my career

Now I know the OW hears what she wants... very foolish to get involved with a MM.... but that's what some of these men think.

SandyY2K
😂😂. You got to be joking! You can’t possible seriously accept the reasons given to an OW by a cheating husband as being legitimate. It’s up there with ‘oh but doesn’t understand me’. That’s hilarious.....

So to all those who are defined by your careers - what happens if you become ill, when you retire?
Equally could ask that of housewives who don’t work.when kids are adult,or self sufficient
I’m not wholly defined by my career and equally I’m not wholly defined by being a mum
I don’t say I’m a mum When asked what I do,wouldn’t occur to me to say that
I know being on mat leave,it wasn’t enough.i did miss work,the stimulation,the structure. Found aspects of mat leave quite inane. Women referring to themselves in past tense,as if they’d died...used to be teacher/solicitor etc i was....
Literally skipped back to work

Why? When I wasn't working for 10 months due to ill health I felt like a total non-person. I felt like I wasn't doing anything

You asked why and then answered why. If you are a non person without a job, there is something really wrong. If you don't do anything that isn't work, thats pretty sad.

It's your choice and your feelings and its nothing to do with me, but I think you'll find that most people find the attitude that you are and have literally nothing outside your job is not healthy or something to be recommended.

I don’t say I’m a mum When asked what I do

That’s a point - what do ‘stay at home wives’ NOT SAHMs put in the profession box when filling out forms?

Profession: Wife?