Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

My aunt is a SAHW and she spends half her time at home in Wales and the rest travelling the world with her husband and her dog in a Winnebago. She does go on about how busy she is and is very disconnected from reality when she is giving us exercising tips eg asking why we don't just walk 4 miles per day like she does to keep the weight off Think she has forgotten how all consuming work is.

Anewme2018 well said.

Also, have a look at all the threads where working mums are struggling to keep everything afloat (so they say) while having a full time job. Why put the whole family through the stress if there is no need to?

OK, from the opposite side looking at mums who work, this comment also sounds very judgemental

I'm a lone parent, I went back to work after both of my children and I work in a science lab which I really enjoy - no desk job for me!

Yes life can be tough at times and very hard work on my own, both physically and mentally but in my case a) I want to be a good role model for my sons, b) I get to have adult conversation about science-y things and c) I need money!!

I hate people criticising working mums as much as I hate people criticising non working mums and/or stay at home wives. My mum has been a sahw for years due to ill health. She volunteers at numerous charities and the local police station. Why on earth would I not respect her??

By the same token I would hate for her to not respect me because I chose to put my kids in childcare when they were babies in order for me to return to my career. Being in my own now, life is exhausting but it's fun.

Have always been happy to like or dislike people on an individual basis, tbh. Don’t do this blanket judgement thing.

I don't think I talk to anyone about their jobs. I can't imagine anyone being remotely interested in any of mine. Not many people have interesting jobs. I'd much rather have a conversation with someone about doing something interesting like a large mosaic of the hokusai wave on their garden wall or about what they thought of PMQs that week, than about a bog standard job. I've rarely done job that would make me a more interesting person to be friends with.

SAHW - I assume you mean a woman whose kids are at school.

Each to their own I say. It doesn’t concern me one way or the other how people choose to live their lives. I do wonder about people who spend a LOT of their time judging others decisions though. All a bit sad really...

pratRocket

It's bloody genius that what it is!
I'd be jealous....why do people jobs have to define them as a person? A job isn't the only thing that gives people purpose in life.
Why if both partners are happy should this even be an issue?

Sounds like the dream to me! I could fill my day 17 times over if I didn't work! Without TV too!
As long as the person is happy, what's the problem?

I don't think I talk to anyone about their jobs. I can't imagine anyone being remotely interested in any of mine. Not many people have interesting jobs.

My friends only talk about their jobs in order to moan about them. Only one of my female friends actually likes her job (Waitrose head office). The others all hate them and resent the ever increasing workload that seems to be piled on employees.

Leaving work has not made me less interesting to my friends. Any who find me less interesting now are just weird. What fun is it discussing anything with someone who is becoming increasingly depresssed and anxious about everything due to work? They are the type of friends I can quite happily live without.

I was a SAHW with no children when I was married to an American. He was a senior partner in an international organisation and if I'd worked we would have been bumped up to the highest tax bracket which would have all but wiped out my earnings. Initially I hated it as I had been defined by my own career, but by the time I ' d signed up for charity fundraising, university courses, corporate entertaining, walking the dog and travelling with my husband to conferences etc. I wondered how wives who worked managed it. When my marriage broke up I studied for another career, worked full-time whilst juggling home and family, now I am retired and I can honestly say I have been happy in all the stages of my life.

"The SAHM who complains she does not have enough time to fit enough manicures, pedicures, blow drys etc in her week but somehow does amongst full time nursery pick ups and then follows up with ‘I’m tired??? That one I struggle with ..."
Do they exist? Or are they a stereotype along with the 'career woman' who outsources her share of parenting

I think too many people have been brainwashed into believing they have no worth unless they go out to work. So much so, they can't bear anyone else saying they don't want to work.
We are here on this planet for one lifetime. As far as I'm concerned I would rather experience life my way, not the way a load of women on a forum or society in general reckon I should.
People don't like that. It's not normal is it? (except it bloody well is!)

Only on MN have I seen people who value work so much. Most people i know in RL hate it and does it under sufferance. I think it's a particularly middle class expectation to enjoy your work. No one I knew growing up was expecting to enjoy working. We all just knew we HAD to do it to pay for food and bills and would get out of it if we could.

Apart from the salary i get no satisfaction from making large companies rich while being miserable and working at minimum wage and if i didn't have to it would seem all the more bizarre to choose to do it.

I think it very very much depends on your social circle. I am struggling to think of a single one of my peers who became a SAHM. The only one I can recall is an army wife, where they're only ever based in the same place for 2 years before moving on (and only gave up work recently after her 3rd child and moving to a new post where there simply weren't teaching vacancies in her particular subject)

At school it was expected that we would go to university and embark on successful careers in the profession of our choice. Amongst my friends, whilst there's certainly times where you might be miserable at work, that's usually to do with the specifics of that particular job and employer, and therefore time to look for a different role (or change of career in some cases) so that you CAN enjoy work again.

However we are also very very fortunate to not be in minimum wage jobs, and in careers that for the most part, we find rewarding.

I wasn't able to work for 10 months due to ill health and I went absolutely stir crazy not working (sadly we can't have DC so wasn't an opportunity to stay at home with the kids). I truly felt that I'd lost a huge part of my identity. If I'd been physically well enough to be able to do some voluntary work, then I'd probably have felt differently.

I absolutely love what I do for a living, and cannot imagine giving work up entirely. If we won the lottery I imagine I'd stay in the same profession, but offer my services pro bono to charities (ie doing what I do now, but without a salary). My career is a huge part of my identity - of course the money is vital, but it's much much more than that. I'm aware that I'm lucky enough to have a 'career' rather than a 'job', and that work gives me an enormous sense of personal fulfillment.

Jealous. I would love not to have to work

I think Lucky Them!
I had to work :(
Had three of been an alternative yes I would have stayed at home and not worked
Even before children..... rebel that I am!

My aunty never returned to work once she had children. (she's now in her 80's). Her husband earnt enough for her not to need to work. (own wealthy Conpany) She never claimed any benefits so wasn't 'unemployed'. She was a lady of leisure when the children were older. So what, not a drain on society.

Honeycake50
Same. The SAHW I know takes any mention of someone being tired (either working, kids or both) and always leads rith how she knows just what they mean. She's been really pushed to fit everything in and even had to give yoga a miss this week.

I can't help but think she is horrendously out of touch. Another friend has a child with profound SEND needs. To me, the SAHW going on about just how hectic their life is and they know just what we mean talking about teaching hours before exams would be the same as DH and I claiming to friend with profound additional needs tjat we know just what she means when she said she didn't sleep last night. (Obviously, us not getting as much kip as we'd like comes nowhere close to thr care of a child with such needs).

Some people have an ability to only see things through their experience and limited social circles.

Things I'm tired of seeing posted on MN:

1. DH makes much more money than me. "We started out our career at the same level but his career skyrocketed. It only made sense for me to be the one to leave my job" --- really really depressing, read it constantly on MN. Does no one else get sad about this?

1. DH likes that I'm not working and able to support him by managing the home - constantly written on these sort of threads. All I can say is - duh! Of course most men in higher paid roles don't mind having someone doing their cooking, cleaning, washing and childcare, managing their home and making their lives as easy as possible. If they didn't have a wife that they'd still in all likelihood be pursuing the same career/work but having to do all the domestic stuff themselves or having to pay some stranger to do it; having a wife is a million times more convenient.

why does no one else find this depressing?

No I don't find it depressing in the least. I have worked for years and find being a 'kept woman' amongst the highlights of my life

1. DH makes much more money than me. "We started out our career at the same level but his career skyrocketed. It only made sense for me to be the one to leave my job" --- really really depressing, read it constantly on MN. Does no one else get sad about this?

Yes, but blaming the women and making them feel inadequate for their choices seems counterproductive.

For me, I simply chose the wrong career. I chose manufacturing engineering at a time when EU expansion suddenly meant that widgets could be made in Poloand for a fraction of what they could be made for in the UK. The career prospects for a widget engineer were next to zero. I retrained but effectively started from scratch. DH worked in retail and suddenly found himself investigating internal fraud. Following the credit crunch he found his skills in great demand.

It wasn’t about male vs female. However, that is what seems to be the focus here. DH made ‘lucky’ career decisions. Mine were ‘unlucky’. Shit happens. There’s no point being bitter.

Well seeing as this website is overwhelmingly women, you’re going to hear a lot more women than men saying how their spouses’ salary skyrocketed rather than the other way around.

DH earns much more than me but that’s because of my career choices, not his. I chose to run a business which still earns me a low six figure income, DH chose to climb the corporate ladder and now earns much more than me. I didn’t facilitate his choices.

I won’t be losing any sleep over retiring early and “living off” my husband either. We need to stop judging women for no reason.

"No I don't find it depressing in the least. I have worked for years and find being a 'kept woman' amongst the highlights of my life"

Quote of the thread!!

We need to stop judging women for no reason.

This.