Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

So to all those who are defined by your careers - what happens if you become ill, when you retire?
I'm not defined by work but my career is something I enjoy and I am proud of what I have achieved. I'm also happy with many other achievements in life.
But my career is part of me. I have no doubt i could easily fill my days with lots of things. But, I know by the end of the 6 weeks holiday being at home with DH at work I feel like I've been quite self indulgent. I do my hobbies, DIY, sort the garden out, a few years back I did part time study so used school holidays for that, i do more like 75% house things when i'm on school holidays, had tea ready for DH. I'm big on sharing the home load 50/50 so doing domestic stuff whilst DH is out at times makes me feel housewifey (despite me being the higher earner). My dream in life isn't to say 'good old Maisy. She had tea on the table and a spotless house'.
It's not a lifestyle I could comprehend all year round. I would feel very much like a kept woman and I would feel like my world was shrinking whilst DH's was growing.

If I didn't enjoy my career and could afford not to work, I'd probably work part time in an area of interest.

But we are all different.

That’s a point - what do ‘stay at home wives’ NOT SAHMs put in the profession box when filling out forms?

Whatever the hell they like? There is usually a box that fits.

Like what?

Retired.

I’m 43 and receive a pension.

Is that good enough?

Like "none of your bloody business" hopefully.

SandyY2K a man (or woman) who has an affair will come up with any possible reason to justify it.

I bet there are equally as many cheating men who complain that their wives are too tired to have sex after spending all day at work.

Either way, the wife could never win.

Why so defensive to a simple question?

Who's defensive? (it was a goady question, but no-one is defensive)

JelliedFeels you have filled this thread with your questions about the lifestyles and choices of SAHWs, but when given reasonable and logical answers you just ignore them and move onto questioning something else.

You sound very bitter.

If people want to put "housewife" or "homemaker" on a form so what? I hate all this supercilious derision from people who can't think outside if the box of their own petty little job titles, as if it means anything to anyone else.

Some men like to have a wife who is happy to be at home. Some women are happy to do this. Get over it - it happens. It does not mean your world has "shrunk". Some women would feel "shrunk" spending day after day in an insurance office or whatever. Not all jobs are amazingly stimulating and it's up to the individual to decide what brings them most fulfilment in life. There is no law to say you have to define yourself by a job title or salary.

I'm a SAHW, we have a full time Nanny for the DC and a dog walker for Bruno. Our cleaner even does the laundry and we pay a neighbour's son to do the garden.

My DH's salary supports all of this and my 'income' is technically what we make on our rental properties; but this is more for tax purposes and I don't actually manage them- we go through an estate agents.

I keep busy with lunches with friends and I attend an art class once a week which I enjoy. I have a spa membership which provides beauty treatments as well so I spend a lot of time there.

Just kidding! I'm a bar maid and my mum does all the childcare 😁 we don't even have a dog! But if we did I'd call him Bruno.

Sandy I have to say the rambling of adulterous men has no place on a discussion about women’s choices
I don’t think a man who fails to keep his dick in his drawers has any grounds to blame his partner

*You asked why and then answered why. If you are a non person without a job, there is something really wrong. If you don't do anything that isn't work, thats pretty sad.

It's your choice and your feelings and its nothing to do with me, but I think you'll find that most people find the attitude that you are and have literally nothing outside your job is not healthy or something to be recommended.*

I have plenty of stuff outside my work, but I wouldn't find them fulfilling enough on their own if I wasn't working. Spending time with my husband, time with friends, practicing yoga, going to concerts and listening to music, reading - they're wonderful leisure pursuits, but they're hobbies : they're not substantial enough to fill my days entirely if I had unlimited time to occupy myself. OK, I'm taking time out to try and write a book so that's definitely something. But that's a specific project in its own right. If I wasn't working then I'd need to find something substantial that wasn't work to get the intellectual stimulation and social interaction and sense of accomplishment that I get from work. I'd have to get some kind of meaningful volunteering role or go back to university to get a masters or second degree, or train to be a yoga teacher or something.

When I wasn't working due to ill health I felt like a non person because I didn't have a substantial project to meaningfully apply myself and find fulfillment and reward. I wasn't well, and all I did was read and potter around the house and do some gentle exercise when my health permitted.

I'd need something that I could say to myself that I was actually doing and accomplishing something. That doesn't have to be the same job I currently do now - like I say, I'm taking some time out to write. But that's doing something - being a writer is work. I need to be able to be doing something constructive that makes a contribution somehow, which I wasn't able to do when I wasn't working due to ill health.

I like the structure & routine that work brings. After 14 months of mat leave with 2nd DC (with a cleaner & childcare for 1st DC) I was itching to get back to work & get my teeth stuck into something. I think even if I won a life changing amount on the lotto (more than 1m) I probably would start my own business. I don’t think it’s sad for someone to be happy with their hobbies etc but likewise work can be rewarding even without the financial incentive.

What would I do if I won lottery?keep working of course
I’m in a work syndicate, if we won it’d be super for so many folk.fingers crossed
I also individually buy a euromillion ticket when it’s big...I can dream

I'm a non working person but I have to admit that part time work (salaried or not?) is a great option. I did that when my kids were babies and I loved every aspect of it. I liked that it gave structure to my week too.

BTW As a non working person I wouldn't dream of thinking that my choice not work would suit everyone. I know plenty of people who don't define themselves through their work but nevertheless enjoy working.

That’s a point - what do ‘stay at home wives’ NOT SAHMs put in the profession box when filling out forms?

Housewife or homemaker. It’s not that difficult....

What do I think of sahw? Much the same as people who get tattoos or join the forces. Something I would never do so consequently I find those who do absolutely fascinating.

You sound very bitter.

I really don’t agree with the whole dressing it up as something it’s not: ‘we’re a team’, ‘he couldn’t have built his business without me’ and so on.

If you want to stay at home doing nothing and sponging off someone else then just say it how it is. ‘I choose to do fuck all and I’m proud of it’.

I was brought up with my teachers and gran reminding me of how lucky I am to have the option to work and not have to depend on a man because that’s something that women have fought hard to achieve.

For me, there is something so archaic about a woman growing up reliant on her dad to provide for her to then marry a man and move on to do the exact same thing with him.

Of course this doesn’t apply to everyone, some on this thread have lost husbands, worked hard and retired due to health reasons or brought up kids. But others have chosen to do fuck all for their whole lives and expect to receive respect for that decision. Why? What is your contribution to life?

JelliedFeels this thread has been full of different stories about the circumstances that have lead to women not going out and doing paid work. There are almost as many different routes that have led to this point as there are posters. You have also heard of the opposite case - where the husband does not work. You have also been told about the ways that non-working people spend their time.

Although you grudgingly seem to accept this, you are still focussing on this imaginary ‘housewife’ who fits your stereotype view and ‘demands respect’ for doing ‘fuck-all’ and acting like a child. What percentage of the SAHWs on this thread even remotely fit that description?

I take it all back. You sound very, very, very bitter.

jellied you do sound super bitter!

But I am bitter after reading my own post. Why isn't that my life!?

Jellied - I live in an area of London where there are a very high-proportion of long- term SAHMs to school- aged children. Most have cleaners etc and most will probably not return to work. But NONE of them simply "married a rich man" as a ticket to not work. None at all. Every one is intelligent and educated and could more than hold their own in most situations.

Nearly everyone met their DHs at uni or in their 20s, before he had made any money. Some are ex-pat and have lived in many places due to his job. They feel as if they have gone through everything with the DH, step-by-step through the years. Ok, they have focused more on the children's security and him the financial security, but so what? It's all towards the same end. So no, there is no concept that the money is "his." Can you not understand that people build lives together. Would you argue that the children are "hers" by the same token?

Here’s another scenario for you Jellied:

A woman inherits a vast sum of money (7 figures) from her very wealthy self-made mother. She gives up the job she hates in her mid-thirties and invests the lot in a string of BTL properties. She pays a management company to deal with day-to-day issues and sits back and enjoys the good life.

She’s not dependent on any man. No one is ‘keeping’ her.

Is she ‘worthy’ of respect then? Is that dependent on what she then ‘does’ with her life? If she volunteers for a charity does that make her more worthy of respect? What if she then decides to take a job in Brighthouse or for a payday loan company or maintaining FOBTs for William Hill? Do those ‘jobs’ detract from her respectability points?

Your logic has tied you in all sorts of knots.

Those of you who would feel like a non person, go mad with boredom, feel like a kept woman....That's about you!
Perhaps you should question why you have the inability to occupy yourselves or to feel fulfilled without a job.
It's possible to feel absolutely fine and happy if you sit doing sod all...but you just don't know how to. 😊

JelliedFeels You've read my posts and declared them to be crap you don't believe. Fine, no skin off my nose. However you have no idea what the business was or what getting it off the ground entailed. You have just decided to declare me a liar because that suits your agenda. Personally, I couldn't give a hoot what you think, I'm now in a position where I gave my children deposits to help them buy their homes, actually for the sake of complete truthfulness my husband and I did with the eldest two, I did with our third and the youngest has not chosen to buy yet as they are not married or planning on it, but I will do the same.

So you can sit and turn your nose up at those of us who didn't work, I truly don't care. It's sad your hatred and bitterness shines through like it does. We all make choices, the ones my late DH and I made worked out better than we could have ever dreamed yet you hate me because of that